


Eye of the Hurricane

by SapphireOx



Series: Out of the Storm [3]
Category: Monster High
Genre: Chance Meetings, F/M, Fertility Issues, Forgiveness, Meeting People Again, Mild Sexual Content, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Miscarriage, Past Sexual Abuse, Past Violence, Pregnancy, Pregnancy Scares, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-13
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:48:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 74,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27534007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SapphireOx/pseuds/SapphireOx
Summary: It's been quite a battle for Clawdeen to overcome her past and build the hope of her future, but with time and the love and support of her friends and family, she has been able to find the strength to heal from the trauma endured in her younger years.But when when familiar faces from the past start reemerging and new life events turn her world upside down, Clawdeen finds that this may be her toughest challenge to face as of yet.Final part of Under The Red Lights.
Relationships: Draculaura/Clawd Wolf, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Romulus/Clawdeen Wolf
Series: Out of the Storm [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1207872
Comments: 8
Kudos: 16





	1. Prologue: Bittersweet Surprises

**Author's Note:**

> Here we are, the final installment. Thank you for those who've stuck around and kept up with this series, I couldn't have gotten this far without your support. 
> 
> As always, content warnings will be in place when needed.

_(Six months ago…)_

“ _And as you can see, the sales for the Samhain collection were up about fifteen percent from the previous year,” the manager explained as she gestured to the line graph that was projected on the screen behind her, pointing to a blue line that jaggedly went upward, “However, after our calculations, we found that the Fangsgiving collection, specifically the shirts and blouses, just barely increased from last year...”_

_Garrott was only halfway listening as him and the other employees in the room watched the screen. He usually was more attentive during these meetings, but right now his mind was focused on something else that he couldn’t shake._

_Turning his head slightly to the right, he glanced out of the corner of his eye down the table, focusing on the person who currently occupied his thoughts._

_Clawdeen was definitely not paying attention to the meeting. She was facing forward as she stared down at the surface of the table with wide eyes. She looked alarmingly pale, and her brow was heavily crinkled in obvious distress. Her shoulders were hunched up like that of a child forced to listen to a scolding, while Garrott noticed she kept pursing her quivering lips like she was trying to hold something in._

_He had no idea what had happened. Right before the meeting began, she had excused herself to the restroom, and just as the last few people were shuffling in right as the project manager was starting, she had slipped back in silently, keeping her head hung low. Immediately, Garrott knew something was wrong._

_She didn’t even react as the manager cracked a joke and all their coworkers burst out laughing. Garrott kept an eye on her, watching as her ears lowered submissively and she seemed to sink lower in her seat. Now, she looked like she was on the verge of tears._

_Silently noting these characteristics, Garrott kept them in the back of his mind as he turned back to the presentation and tried to pay attention, telling himself to try and catch her after the meeting. She looked like she had fallen ill and he wanted to make sure she was all right._

_Unfortunately, he didn’t get a chance. As soon as the project manager announced that the meeting was over and everyone was free to go, Clawdeen stood up from her seat sharply and made a beeline for the front door like she was trying to get out as soon as possible. As he gathered up his things and put them in his messenger bag, Garrott saw Wydowna grab her arm just as she got outside the door; the spider’s eyes were furrowed in what looked to be concern as she seemed to ask Clawdeen a question he was unable to hear from the other side._

_Clawdeen gave her a weak smile that seemed like it almost pained her to do so and shook her head, before she gently shrugged off Wydowna’s arm and turned around. She raced down the hallway and shoved herself through the double doors out the office area and disappeared from sight._

_As he fell in line beside a few of the other designers and left the room, he found Wydowna still standing there, watching where Clawdeen had left with worry._

“ _You noticed it too?” Garrott asked as he approached her, “She doesn’t seem too_ bon _, right now.”_

_Wydowna turned to face him, her expression grim. “I tried asking her,” she replied, “She insisted that she was okay. She looked like she was ready to cry when she said that, though.”_

_She turned back to the doors, her shoulders dropping with the heavy sigh that escaped her. “I hope she’s all right. You know how she is when she’s upset- she keeps it all in.”_

“ _We can only hope so, and be there for her if she is not,” Garrott said. It was hard- Clawdeen tended to hold things in, even though they had let her know plenty of times she could always come to either of them if she needed a helping hand. It was painful to see her hurt, but they could only do so much if she wasn’t willing to let anyone in._

_Resigning himself to that train of thought, telling himself that he would keep on the lookout if this behavior from Clawdeen persisted into the next day, Garrott gave Wydowna a small nod and a pat on the arm, before he turned away and joined the rest of the people in his department in heading down to the lobby to head to his car and get home. Rochelle and the baby would be waiting for him, and he promised he would try to be back early._

* * *

_Howleen was whistling as she pulled up to the house. She was in high spirits today, having sun along to the radio on the way here and having a little pep in her step as she turned off the car and got out. She headed up the front porch and rang the doorbell; she leaned back to glance at the neighbors’ porches as she waited, smirking at the silly lawn decorations._

_When she failed to hear any sound of someone coming to the front, she tried the knob and found that it was unlocked. She let herself in._

“ _Yo, Deen, I’m here!” she called out, turning around to close the door and lock it, before she sat down on the ottoman by the front table and bent down to start unlacing her boots, “I’m sorry if I’m too early, but I got someone at work to trade me positions and I figured I’d try to beat traffic while I could.”_

_Still, no response. Then, her ears perked up as they immediately picked up on a sound coming from somewhere up above._

_It sounded like someone crying._

_Howleen paused. She sat up and looked up at the ceiling. Sure enough, she could hear Clawdeen loudly sobbing from upstairs._

_Her heart dropped into her stomach. Right away, she knew something was wrong._

_Getting up from the ottoman, she pulled her boots off with her heels and silently walked into the front room, where she headed for the stairs._

_As she made her way up, the crying became a lot louder and clearer. She got to the top level and looked down the hall, tracking the sound to the master bedroom. Howleen walked slow and steady, not wanting to go too fast and risk scaring her._

_She stopped just outside the door. On the other side, she could hear Clawdeen crying heavily; every sound was like a arrowhead right through Howleen’s chest._

_Slowly, the tan-furred wolf raised her fist. She gave three quick knocks on the door._

“ _Clawdeen?” she called out. No response, just crying._

_She grasped the doorknob and turned it. Slowly, she opened the door just a crack and peered in to glance around the room._

_On the bed, Clawdeen lay on her stomach on top of the covers, her back to Howleen as she sobbed heavily into her pillow. Her shoulders shook violently as she cried._

_Slowly, Howleen approached her. “Clawdeen?”_

_She seated herself on the edge of the bed and reached out to touch Clawdeen on her lower back. The older she-wolf didn’t even flinch. She just kept crying, with her whines slightly muffled by her pillow._

“ _Sis, talk to me, what happened?” Howleen requested, “What’s gotten you so upset-”_

_She suddenly paused as her nose picked up on the faint scent of copper. A flash of red out of her peripheral made her look down._

_There, on the back of Clawdeen’s work-skirt, was a small, but dark patch of drying blood._

_Howleen’s eyes widened. Instantly, it clicked for her what had happened, and she felt a pit in her stomach form. She looked to the back of Clawdeen’s head, her eyes softening with a newfound sense of understanding._

“ _Oh...Oh, Clawdeen...” she mumbled, a lump forming in her throat._

“ _It’s not fair!” Clawdeen sobbed in despair, “I-I-It wasn’t even seven weeks yet! It didn’t even have a h-heartbeat! I-I thought this would’ve been it!”_

_She yanked one hand out from under the pillow and balled it into a fist to bash it into the mattress. Her sobbing grew louder._

“ _I-I-I thought this would’ve been the one! This **should’ve** been the one!” she whined, “They p-promised!” _

_Howleen leaned over and rubbed her back. “I know, honey. I know...”_

_She put a hand on Clawdeen’s shoulder and squeezed. Clawdeen pushed herself up into a sitting position and turned to face her; her eyes were red and splotchy and her makeup was smeared all over her face and the pillow._

_She lunged for Howleen and wrapped her arms around her tightly as Howleen drew her in, the younger wolf whispering soft words of comfort as Clawdeen collapsed against her and proceeded to cry heavily into her shoulder._

_It really wasn’t fair, Howleen thought. This would make it the_ third _time._

_How many times would her sister be forced to keep going through this? Hadn’t she suffered enough, been through enough pain? Why couldn’t she get a break for once?_

_She didn’t dwell on these thoughts, though. All she could do for now was to comfort Clawdeen and let her know that she’d be there for her, just like she was every other time, and allow her to get her grief out._

* * *

_(Now…)_

Clawdeen looked up at the tall alabaster building, her eyes slowly roaming each of its six floors, before they dropped back to ground level. She stared ahead through the sliding double doors, where various monsters in civilian clothes or scrubs entered and exited.

She frowned. She didn’t know why she bothered coming here. There was really no point in her getting a second opinion- she knew right away what had been up with her the past few weeks. She’d already been through this before, after all.

She was pregnant. Again.

There was no denying it. It was the same cycle she’d gone through the last few times- the same symptoms at the same moments, the same amount of time. It was all there.

Her hand clenched the strap of her handbag in its grip from where she had it resting on her shoulder. Already, Clawdeen could feel apprehension and reluctance making her stomach tighten. She had half a mind to just turn on her heel and head home.

Yet, she had told Rom she would figure out what was up, so with a sigh, Clawdeen took a deep breath. As she let it out, she opened her eyes and straightened up, before proceeding to walk through the double doors to the lobby of the hospital.

Following the signs, Clawdeen made her way to the reception area. Up at the front desk, a cheery-looking Martian with bright red hair smiled up at her as Clawdeen came up.

“Hi!” she greeted, the voice carrying a slight accent, “How may I assist you?”

“I, uh, have an appointment,” Clawdeen said, “With Dr. Stein. Uh, Dr. _Viveka_ Stein.”

“Of course,” the Martian said cheerfully, glancing back to her computer as her bulbed-ended fingers typed something in, “Name, please?”

“Canidae. Clawdeen Canidae,” Clawdeen announced to her.

The Martian typed something else in and hit the enter key. Her large black eyes brightened at the results on the screen, before she turned back to Clawdeen with a grin.

“Okay, you’re all checked in now!” she exclaimed, “Just have a seat in the waiting area and she should be right out to meet with you.”

“Thanks,” Clawdeen said in a low voice as she turned away, her eyes wandering the waiting room as she tried to find an empty seat that wasn’t too close to anybody.

They landed on an chair in the back row by the window overlooking the hallway, a bit perpendicular to the woman sitting in the row in front who had her left front arm in a cast. Clawdeen walked over to said empty chair and sat down, depositing her handbag in her lap as she leaned back slightly and waited for her name to be called.

She glanced about in boredom around the waiting area. On TV, they had some random soap opera playing with the sound muted and the subtitles on, the latter of which seemed to be lagging at least every five words. The magazines on the table next to her were just a bunch of tabloids or Reader’s Die-gest issues that were at least fifteen years old. The other people waiting were all on their phones or tablets.

The cooing of a baby caught her attention. Clawdeen raised her head to see that across the room, in the front row, a werecat woman sat with a baby carrier at her feet. She was bent over and smiling as she shook her head and made little sweet comments towards her kitten, who babbled and reached for her in response; the baby boy was dressed in a footed sleeper that was covered in bears and wearing a knit cap that fit over his tiny pointed ears. His big bright green eyes were wide with infant wonder.

Clawdeen gazed longingly at the two of them, a small lump appearing in her throat as she lingered on the baby. Unconsciously, her hand drifted over her stomach.

“Clawdeen?”

Snapping back to attention, she turned to face forward. Viveka stood near the front desk, a clipboard with her paperwork in her hand as she craned her neck and scanned the room for the she-wolf.

 _Well, you might as well get it over with,_ Clawdeen thought to herself. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, before she stood up and started for the simulacrum.

Viveka’s eyes lit up at the sight of her and she smiled warmly at her. “Aw, Clawdeen, hello again!” she said as she began to guide her down the hallway, “How have you been?”

“Oh, same old, same old,” Clawdeen answered, not really sharing in the green skinned woman’s delight, “Been busy with work. The howlidays are coming up, so we have to get started on the special collections and whatnot.”

“I can imagine it’s keeping you on your toes for quite a while,” Viveka joked. She opened the exam room nearest to her and opened it, stepping aside to allow Clawdeen to enter first.

Clawdeen just shrugged, “You could say that.”

“Well, I definitely know you feel,” Viveka went on, unbothered by the lack of enthusiasm from the younger woman, “With the changing in seasons, we’re always bound to see an uptick in emergencies. Instead of heat stroke and sunburn, though, now it’s more broken bones from slipping on ice and frostbite.”

She gestured to the exam table that sat in the middle of the room. Clawdeen turned and propped herself up on it and put her hands in her lap, before she looked up at her.

“So,” Viveka said, flipping through the chart once more, before her sharp violet eyes looked up to meet Clawdeen’s, “You haven’t been feeling well for the last few weeks. Can you tell me what’s up with that?”

“Not much to tell,” Clawdeen said, her face a bit grim, “I’ve been tired like hell, I’m bloated like a whale, my boobs are hurting. And...”

She gave the doctor a fixed look, “I haven’t gone into heat since last month. So I guess you can already tell where I’m going with this.”

Viveka looked up at her chart at her, her brows raised. Clawdeen just gave her a deadpanned look.

Shrugging, Viveka said, “Well, no harm in testing just in case, now is there? Who knows, you might just be experiencing heavy stress from your job or daily unlife, or have something a bit more serious going on.”

In spite of how she was currently feeling, Clawdeen couldn’t help but give a crude snort at the latter sentence.

“Gee, that’s uplifting,” she joked, “You really know how to make someone feel safe again.”

“Well, sometimes, a little fear-mongering goes a long way,” Viveka said nonchalantly, “I see so many patients who brush off their health issues or flat out deny them because of their personal issues or habits, that you find sometimes you have no choice but to be as blunt as possible to finally get through to them.”

She gave Clawdeen a look. “ _Not_ that I’m trying to make anyone a hypochondriac, by any means.”

“Oh, sure,” Clawdeen grinned, “You’re definitely not trying to scare anyone into always going to the doctor and making you more money.”

“Many of them wouldn’t _have_ to go to the doctor if they just listened to our advice in the first place,” Viveka said, holding up her nose in fake pretentiousness, “But noooo, you all would rather listen to the influencers on Hisstagram that promote laxative teas and eating raw onions to ‘detox’ your body.”

Clawdeen threw her head back and laughed at the visual. Viveka chuckled with her, before she turned and gestured for the door.

“I’m going to get a blood test ready,” she announced, “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

The laughter stopped immediately. It was like Clawdeen had just remembered where she was and why she was here.

She nodded slowly and said, “O...Okay.”

As she watched the tall monster doctor leave the room, she stared at the wall for a few minutes. Now by herself, the room felt much colder and smaller, the white walls feeling sterile and lonely.

This was it. In only a few minutes, what she already knew would be confirmed.

Her chest ached. Clawdeen clenched her fists on her knees, already feeling her anxiety start to go through the roof at the mere thought of what the results would say.

Viveka and a nurse returned a few minutes later. Clawdeen rolled up her sleeve and allowed the nurse to take a blood sample from her.

“Your veins are popping like crazy,” The nurse remarked as she pressed a gauze pad against Clawdeen’s inner elbow and wrapped an adhesive bandage around it, “Your blood pressure must be through the roof.”

She smiled at her, “You must be really looking forward to a positive result.”

 _If you only knew,_ Clawdeen thought bitterly. She managed a strained smile at the nurse; as soon as the latter turned her back, though, she glared at her. Her arm started to throb under the bandage.

Viveka left the room once again, leaving her alone, before she returned with a sheet of paper.

“So the results are in,” the violet-eyed doctor told her, “And your tuition was right: You are, indeed, pregnant.”

Bowing her head, she wrote something on Clawdeen’s chart. “Based on what you’ve told me, I’d place you at about five weeks.”

Clawdeen made a face. She already knew all this, but something about hearing it said aloud made a fresh wave of dread wash over her.

“Just like I thought,” she sighed, “Yay me...”

Viveka gave her a look over the top of the paper. Her gaze lingered for a second as she watched the she-wolf’s expression quickly grow crestfallen; Clawdeen stared at the floor, her eyes growing more distressed as she crossed her arms and hunched up her shoulder like a child in time-out.

A sympathetic look came to Viveka’s expression. “Clawdeen...” she began.

“I mean you said it yourself, didn’t you?” Clawdeen interrupted, “The likeliness of miscarriage goes up with each one, right? And considering I’ve had _three_ , I think I’m not being too irrational by not jumping for joy right away.”

She grit her teeth as she said the words. How sad was that, that she couldn’t even be excited for this? Most women her age would be over the moon to find out they were having a baby. It was one of the most exciting milestones and parts of your unlife that anyone could go through, and there was plenty of things to look forward to: Parties to plan, clothes and toys and diapers and everything to buy, rooms to decorate, families to tell.

And yet, Clawdeen had gone through it three times.

Three times, and still no baby.

Instead, all she had gotten was heartache and pain. Three times she felt her world crashing around her; three times she felt herself die a little more inside.

Who was to say that this one would be any different?

Viveka looked at her, her brows furrowed in slight sadness. In all her years of medicine, she had to have this exact conversation with many different women- it was something she had gone through herself, with her and Viktor’s struggle in creating a child until they managed success with Frankie. The fact that Clawdeen and her family were close to her, though, only made the reality of the situation far more tragic for her.

Quietly, she reached across and put her hand on top of Clawdeen’s, giving her fingers a brief squeeze as a means to try and comfort her.

“I know this is a very complicated situation for you,” she said, “But I hope you remember you are not alone. There are many other women going through the same thing you have.”

“Most other women also haven’t gone through the things I have,” Clawdeen muttered a bit bitterly, keeping her gaze low to the ground.

Viveka didn’t respond. She only gave her a lingering look, before she patted her hand.

“If you’re really hesitant to go through this, we can always discuss termination,” she said softly, “There’s also _your_ health to consider. It’s your choice to make, though.”

Clawdeen’s hands clenched in her lap at the suggestion. Her hackles raised.

She didn’t know what choice she wanted. She didn’t know how she was feeling _right now_ \- at the moment, all she felt was...a bit numb.

Viveka seemed to have sensed the storm going on in her, as she stood up and gathered her chart.

“You should take some time to sleep on it, consider all your options and what you think would be best,” she said, “When you think you’ve come to a final decision, give me a call. Until then, I want to see you again in around two weeks for a urinary analysis and the first ultrasound.”

“Sure,” Clawdeen mumbled, though from the look on her face, she didn’t seem like she was all the way there right now.

The tall green-skinned doctor gave her a sad smile. “Try not to think of this as another tragedy in coming, Clawdeen. All we can do for now is take it one day at a time.

“Who knows? Perhaps this one might just be your lucky strike,” she said optimistically.

Clawdeen, though, wasn’t looking on the bright side. She just scoffed, “Yeah, right. Only maybe this will make four strikes, I’m out. The same old shit, just a different day and different year.”

She gave a bitter smile that quickly became a small frown of sadness. Her shoulders hung heavily as she turned to look at the floor, absentmindedly tracing the little flecks in the tile.

Sniffing, she looked up at Viveka, her ears folded back. “Can I go now?”

Viveka’s mouth flattened into a thin line, wanting to say more but knowing there was nothing she could do for the werewolf in the moment that would be of any comfort. This was something Clawdeen would have to figure out on her own time, when she allowed herself to consider all her emotions and deal with them appropriately.

“If you have no more questions, then of course,” she answered, “Just stop at the front desk so they can schedule your next appointment.”

Clawdeen nodded and stood up, her movements slightly robotic as she left room, her fists balled tightly at her sides and her handbag lightly banging against her leg. She didn’t turn her gaze as she muttered a brief departure to Viveka, her eyes glued in front of her like she was searching for something.

She managed to hold it all in as she made her way past the reception area and out the front doors and to her car. The minute the door slammed shut, though, Clawdeen finally let it all loose.

Bending over in her seat, she buried her face in her hands and tried to take deep breaths, the latter coming out rather shaky and rattled as she fought against sobbing. She was becoming a mix of emotions, going from one extreme to the next like the weather before a violent monsoon. Viveka’s words echoed in her mind.

What was she going to do?

It had only been six months since the last tragedy; the day that Howleen had found her curled up on her bed, crying her eyes out after she had lost the baby in the middle of the work day.

To this day, Clawdeen didn’t know how she had managed to sit there in that meeting and keep her composure. By the time she had gotten to her car after it ended, she felt like she would explode from the despair that had built up inside her.

And now, here she was, about to go through the same thing all over again, for the _fourth_ time.

Four times, she had been in this position. And if this time went like the other three times, she’d be back in her bed in only a few weeks or so, feeling crushed under the weight of her grief as her body ached and gave out on her as it struggled and failed to carry a life within itself.

She couldn’t do it again. She wasn’t sure she had the strength to go through this loss again.

Leaning back in her seat, Clawdeen wiped at her eyes and pulled down the sun visor to look in the mirror. She stared back at herself with a look of misery.

There was no guarantee that this wouldn’t end up like all the others.

Yet...did she really want to go through with Viveka’s suggestion of not going through it at all? Her stomach twisted in a knot.

If she decided not to keep this one, she could spare herself all the potential heartache and pain that could come with another loss….or should she could sabotage her only chance of motherhood if this one, on some small chance, ended up being the one.

She couldn’t win. Either she ended things before she could get hurt and deal with all these what-ifs, or she could go on and just put herself through the same pain all over again. It wasn’t fair. She didn’t know what to do.

Right now, she didn’t want to do anything. She didn’t want to think about any of this. She just wanted to get home and relax.

Sniffling, Clawdeen grabbed a napkin from the glove box to clean her face and blow her nose. Taking a breath, she straightened up and turned the car on. She turned the radio up to full volume, trying to keep herself distracted as she pulled out of the hospital parking lot and headed to her home, the news of the little life growing in her belly constantly at the back of her mind throughout the day.

* * *

Clawdeen spent the rest of the day in a bit of a daze, trying to find things to do that kept her from dwelling on the revelation at the hospital. She spent the hours tidying up the house and working on some of her personal projects in her sewing room, determined to not let herself get wound up from all the little thoughts and catastrophic fantasies her mind conjured up.

Before she knew it, she found herself in the kitchen in the middle of making food, when she suddenly heard a car pull up in the driveway. Clawdeen glanced up at the clock on the stove. It was a quarter before seven.

A second later, she heard a key in the lock of the front door, before it opened.

“I’m home!” Romulus announced from the entryway. He appeared around the corner a few seconds later, smiling as he caught sight of her at the stove.

Clawdeen turned her head and gave him a small smile. “Hey,” she greeted, “How was work?”

“Aw, busy,” Romulus answered, dropping his messenger bag in a chair at the table as he pulled off his scarf and coat, “Nothing like end-of-quarter midterms to pass the day, right?”

He came up to her and pulled her in for a hug. Clawdeen gladly accepted his embrace and nuzzled her nose against his chest, his scent a big relief to her. She tilted her head up and greeted his lips in a welcoming kiss, a small sigh of contentment escaping her.

“How did your appointment go?” Romulus asked as he broke away to look down at her, “Everything going all right?”

It took massive effort on Clawdeen’s part to force her body not to completely stiffen at his question, though she couldn’t keep her hands from flexing against his back. She hoped that the dread wasn’t apparent on her face as she stared up at him, struggling to keep eye contact, before she finally pulled away and went back to stirring the taco beef she had simmering.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said with a shrug, “No serious illness or life threatening conditions. Not that I was thinking that in the first place.”

“Well, that’s good to hear, anyways,” Romulus said, seemingly not noticing the shift in her behavior as he turned and started pulling out plates and glasses from the cupboards to set the table, “I was starting to worry it was the flu, especially with that lightheaded episode last week. So what was it?”

Clawdeen’s hand slowed in it turning the wooden spoon. She looked out of the corner of her eye, biting her lip in thought of how to tell him.

“Oh, it was nothing,” she said, “Viv just ran a few tests and...”

She trailed off. She swallowed hard, before she finally let it out.

“I’m pregnant again,” she said.

Her turning motion stopped completely. She stared at the cooking meat forlornly, letting her sentence hang in the air. She heard Romulus turn and felt his gaze on her a moment later.

“Y-Y-You are…?” he asked with slight disbelief.

Clawdeen didn’t turn to meet him. She just nodded slowly.

“Five weeks, she said,” she told him. She gave a small half-hearted scoff.

“Listen to me,” she said, “This is a Frightube moment, isn’t it? Something I need to catch on camera so everyone can see your reaction, right? And yet, here I am, telling you as if I’m just saying there’s hail coming.”

The small half-smile on her face wavered and the corner of her lips were tugged down in a harsh frown. She suddenly felt the urge to cry.

She heard a clink as he set the glasses down, before she felt his hands take her arms and slowly turn her around. She looked back up at him, her eyes glossy with tears as he regarded her with a concerned expression.

Pulling her against his chest, Romulus cupped the back of her head and kissed her crown as he felt her collapse against him, her claws winding in the fabric of his work shirt.

“It’s going to be okay,” he told her softly as he felt her shudder against him and heard her suck in a breath, like she was trying not to sob, “We’ll get through this together.”

“It’s so fucked up,” Clawdeen mumbled into his shirt tearfully, “I can’t even be happy about this because all I-I think of is last time, and the blood and the pain a-a-and if this is just going to end up l-like the others. I...I don’t know if I can go through that again...”

“Whatever you decide, I’m with you all the way,” Romulus said, “Whatever you want to do, I’ll be here, always.”

He shushed her gently as she let out a hiccup and whimpered against him. He tucked her head against his shoulder and held her as she wept against him. Clawdeen closed her eyes and sniffed as she felt the tears travel down her nose, grateful for his tender embrace and his gentle touches of assurance.

“I don’t want anyone to know about this baby, Rom,” she mumbled, “Not yet. I-If this goes wrong, I don’t think I could stand their stares.”

She knew her friends and family meant well, but right now, she just couldn’t deal with anyone’s pity. She hated being looked at as if she was just some weak little ghoul who needed to be babied. It made her feel like they saw her as less than, like she couldn’t stand on her own, or that she was nothing more than her trauma.

Fuck that. She’d gone through hell and back way more than most people could say, and she’d managed to pick herself up again through it all. She knew she wasn’t weak, and she wasn’t about to bare another round of fake apologies or gestures offered out of self-fulfillment.

At first, she thought Romulus would object to her request, but she felt him just nuzzle her ear and give it a small kiss.

“Okay, sweetheart,” he said, “I promise, I won’t say anything.”

He gently grabbed her arms and pushed her away from him so she could look at him. His hand came up and wiped away a stream of tears from her cheek. Clawdeen leaned into it and gently grasped it, taking comfort in the warmth of his palm.

Smiling, Romulus leaned down and kissed her. Clawdeen returned it, cooing tenderly.

“I love you, so much,” Romulus whispered against her lips. He tilted his head up and kissed her forehead, finally getting a genuine smile out of her.

“I love you, too,” Clawdeen said.

It was a long road ahead, but right now, she could find a small comfort in the fact of knowing this was one she wouldn’t have to walk alone. As long as he was by her side, the heartache became a little bit easier to carry.

Not gone, but easier.


	2. Chapter 1: The Weight of The World

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: For some reference, in case anyone's confused, this story takes place about eight years after the end of Under The Red Lights, and about seven since the end of Lotus. 
> 
> A bit of a short chapter, but I decided to remove the other scene that was initially planned to the next chapter since I felt it fit better, and I didn't want to disrupt the flow of how this one was going.

“...thinking of getting food from Cafe Crypt or Panscarea for the next meeting.”

“Both sound good. Which would be your preference, Clawdeen?….Clawdeen?”

Realizing that her name was being called, Clawdeen blinked and looked up; her eyes felt dry and slightly strained from staring at her computer screen for so long. She didn’t even notice she had spaced out.

Lifting her head, she looked in the direction of where her name had been called. To the right of her desk, two of her coworkers stood by the water jug. They both were looking in her direction with curious expressions.

“I’m sorry, what was that?” Clawdeen asked, unable to recall a word of what they had been talking about.

“I said, would you rather have Cafe Crypt or Panscarea for the meeting at the end of the month?” replied the slender redheaded vampire who’d called on her, “Sam wants me to start getting everyone’s selections so she could place the order in.

Clawdeen gave a half-hearted shrug. “Oh...Well, um, I-I don’t really care. Either one is good for me...”

Her other coworker, a curvaceous pink-skinned earth elemental by the name of Gaea, gave her a look and frowned.

“You okay?” she asked, “You seem a little bit distracted. Everything all right?”

“I’m fine,” Clawdeen responded. She looked up at them and gave them her best smile, “Just thinking about the howlidays and stuff. Got to do so much running around, you know?”

“You sure?” the vampire, Fangelina, asked, one of her brows raised in slight disbelief.

“Yeah,” Clawdeen assured her, “I’m fine, seriously.”

Fangelina pursed her lips like she was doubtful of the answer, but then she just shrugged.

“Okay, then,” she said, “Whenever you have the time, google their menu and give me a note or whatever that has everything you want on it, or give it to Sam.”

Clawdeen nodded, “I will.”

Fangelina gave her own nod in response, before she turned and headed out the door to the hallway. Gaea followed her, though she stopped for a moment to get some water from the machine, before she also left, leaving the werewolf alone.

Clawdeen watched them go. As soon as they were out of sight, she let her shoulders drop and let out a breath, before she leaned back in her chair and rubbed at her eyes, thinking of the flimsy excuse she had provided them.

It was quite obvious, for anyone who’d seen her that day, that it was so much more on her mind than just the stress of howliday shopping. She’d been spacing out all day, and she’d only managed to finish a few of her sketches for their next launch, when anyone who knew her knew that usually she managed to get at least twenty designs done in the day, with how focused and driven she was with her work.

Today, though, in a manner that was quite unlike her, she just wasn’t feeling the usual passion that went into her designs and her work; she couldn’t even get focused enough to just try a few random doodles, something she always did when she was feeling a little low in inspiration.

Instead, she had been far more concerned with other matters at hand.

Namely, the small little being that was currently growing in her lower abdomen at the moment.

Cupping her hand over her stomach at the thought, like she had done at the hospital, Clawdeen sighed and leaned back in her chair, looking out at the expanse of her office with a bit of a forlorn expression. It had been four days since Viveka had confirmed her latest pregnancy, and she was still reeling over all the emotions she was feeling with it.

She still didn’t know what to do. If she decided to give this one a chance, there was the risk of her miscarrying again and being in the exact same situation she was the last three times, and if she decided to abort, there was the risk that she sabotaged the first viable pregnancy she’d have if- _IF_ , and it was a really big one- this one turned out to be different from the others. 

Romulus had told her he’d support any decision she’d come to, but there was still a part of her that couldn’t help but feel she was being unfair to him. She knew how much he wanted kids,  what if he resented her if she did end up terminating it? 

Why did this have to happen to her? Why did this have to be her life? 

Her ears lowered as she found herself thinking back to the other occurrences, to the beginning of this whole tumultuous journey she’d been on for the last two years.

It wasn’t like she’d been oblivious to the possibility of this happening . She’d been well aware that her fertility was compromised- she’d known that ever since that day in the hospital in DC, when Dr. Yokai and her parents walked into the room and the kind snow woman revealed, with much reluctance, of her contraction of not one, but two STDs that, based on the severe pain she’d been having, had been doing great damage to her reproductive system for who the fuck knew how long. 

Her and Romulus had decided that they were just going to let nature take its course. They weren’t  exactly trying, but they had stopped using protection and they’d both known about the difficulties, too, that could come with conception, given Clawdeen’s status, so they both came to the agreement that if it happened, it happened. 

At first, Clawdeen remembered being wary and doubtful that she could ever get pregnant. She’d paid attention in sex ed, she didn’t have to have a visual on whatever her uterus probably looked like know to have an idea that said day may have never come. 

It had upset her a great deal to think of it, but Romulus had assured her that they would just wait and see, and if the day came that they were both fed up of waiting, then they could always talk about IVF, or adoption, if the former proved too great a strain on their finances. 

Which was why  she had been so surprised that, after only a few months, when she began showing symptoms, she took a pregnancy test and found that little pink plus sign staring back at her. 

She’d never had a strong opinion on kids, but Clawdeen remembered being absolutely over the moon and feeling like the luckiest ghoul in the world. She had long since resigned herself the idea that such a thing would likely never even happen, so when she saw just how easily she had gotten pregnant, she had began to believe that maybe the damage wasn’t as bad as she thought. 

Maybe the doctor had been wrong. Maybe the infection hadn’t hurt as much after all. They told her it was likely she was infertile,  but here she was, pregnant without any bit of difficulty. Surely, that was a good sign, wasn’t it? 

Clawdeen felt her throat swell up and scoffed. How naive she was, to think that she would ever get any break in this life. After all she’d been through, she should’ve known there was always,  _always_ a  curveball to be thrown at one point or another. 

The first few weeks of her pregnancy had gone flawlessly. She’d gone to all her necessary appointments, she adjusted her diet and took all her prenatal vitamins. She remembered  how her and Romulus had both been practically bursting at the seams as they revealed to their friends and families the good news, everyone getting excited and screaming with joy with them and wishing them all the luck as they eagerly awaited the development of the newest member to the family. 

And then, when she was a little over nine weeks, she had suddenly woken up one night with the worst migraine and severe cramps that felt like someone was impaling her over and over again.  The pain was so bad that Clawdeen could barely even move without shockwaves of pain taking over her from her back and stomach. Her moans had alerted Romulus, who had turned on the light and helped her sit up; he had felt her forehead and noted that she seemed to have a small fever. 

They had both gone still as their noses picked up on the heavy scent of iron in the room, and Clawdeen had realized that her legs had felt wet for some reason. Wondering if she had somehow managed to wet herself in her sleep, she threw back the covers. 

What she had found was her thighs, sleep-shorts,  and the sheets underneath her drenched in blood. With the bad lighting and the shadows, it looked like something out of a horror movie, like someone had just cut her open. 

Clawdeen felt her claws dig into the surface of her desk. She felt a lump in her throat at the memory. 

Romulus had immediately gotten out of bed and taken her to the hospital. Still in shock at what she had saw, it hadn’t hit Clawdeen just what exactly had happened until Viktor and Viveka came into the room, their faces grim as they explained to the couple what had happened. 

“ _I’m afraid...”_ Viktor had sighed, _“You’ve had a miscarriage.”_

In that moment, it was like she had been hit by a freight train, as the gravity of those words sunk into her. She remembered that, as she processed them, Dr. Yokai’s words had come back to her, as if she was right there in the room with them.

_The way PID works is that it causes lesions, scar tissue, and blockages to form, most often in the Fallopian tubes and the uterus,_ Clawdeen had remembered her explaining to the werewolf as her parents sat next to her, both tightly holding her hands like they were expecting the bad news,  _It can cause a variety of issues; sometimes, the ovum isn’t able to get past the tubes, so it can’t be fertilized._

_Other times, if the egg is fertilized, it may not be able to attach to the uterine wall, or the walls aren’t strong enough to support the fetus as it develops._

Those words had echoed in her head, like the death chime on church bells when someone had died. It had been good that she was laying in a bed when they told her, because Clawdeen knew had she’d been standing, her knees would’ve given out then.

She had miscarried. Her body was too weak to support something as fragile as a new life.

She had lost her baby, and it was her fault.

Before she could help herself, Clawdeen began thinking back to that night, and the others like it, each memory feeling like a fifty-pound weight on her shoulders as she sunk deeper and deeper into her despair, all the emotions she had felt for the last few years feeling as fresh and painful as they had then and hitting her right in the chest like a quiver of arrows.

Her and Romulus had come back from the hospital the next morning. Clawdeen hadn’t spoke a word to him the entire time, though she knew Romulus was worried about her, and the minute she stepped through the door, she had collapsed onto the couch and curled up as she cried her heart out, her sobs echoing throughout the entire expanse of the house, while Romulus knelt down next to her, gently rubbing her back as he tried to soothe her and grieved with her.

It was a new kind of pain she had experienced that night. One of loss, a loss so heavy and so painful that she felt like she couldn’t breathe under it, as if it were a giant ocean and she had just been dragged beneath the surface. There were not nearly enough words in the dictionary to describe what she had felt.

It had been a whole year before she had managed to get pregnant again. This time, when she had learned the news, Clawdeen had been a bit apprehensive, but she’d have been lying if she hadn’t felt a great amount of relief and happiness in finding out. Perhaps this was the light at the end of the tunnel; she’d managed to conceive perfectly fine, so maybe the first time was just a tragic accident. It was unfortunate, but it was sadly the reality for some women, so maybe this would be different.

Those hopes had come crashing down just as fast as they had the first time when, after eleven weeks, Clawdeen had taken a shower and felt another round of cramps starting, and looked down to see the water running red in the drain.

After that, any excitement quickly diminished as she found herself in the same position as the previous year, curled up in bed, her body aching in pain and Romulus laying with her and crying with her as they mourned yet another loss, another pup whose life had ended long before it had even begun. The knowledge of why this had happened hung around Clawdeen’s neck like an albatross on a thick metal chain.

Any happiness had wilted and morphed into fear and mourning. Little by little, her self-esteem had cracked and chipped like it had all those years ago, when she was first found by the police, to the point that she felt like one small remark and she would shatter completely. While all her friends steadily built their families and announced yet another new baby and brought home another wriggling bundle to their homes, hers remained empty and hollow with only the memory of what could’ve been and ended up not being haunting her every second.

Then came her third pregnancy a year and a half afterward, and unlike the first two times, Clawdeen found that the only emotion she could feel was caution and reluctance. It was a constant game of what-if, with every second feeling like the shoe was about to drop. They always said third time was the charm, but considering this was a baby they were talking about, she couldn’t say she shared in the optimism.

To her chagrin, her fears proved to be right, as after only two weeks after finding out she was pregnant, she had miscarried right before a staff meeting.

Her right cheek felt wet. Clawdeen sniffled and brushed the lone tear away, before dabbing at her eyes so to prevent any more from spilling and smearing her eyeliner. She couldn’t lose it like this right here, right now. She was at work, she needed to hold it together. Reaching into her purse, she pulled out her compact and inspected her face to make sure she didn’t look too frazzled.

Her eyes were a bit red, but nothing too oblivious. Clawdeen closed her compact and took a deep breath. She grabbed her tumbler and took a sip of her ice water, trying to clear her throat.

She looked up as she heard a sudden knock at the door, before it opened and revealed a weredog woman in a black pinstripe pantsuit; her overall features were similar to that of a Samoyed, with her fur being soft white and her white hair cut in a short pixie style.

“Aw, Clawdeen, there you are!” the woman said as she entered, “Sorry if I got you at a busy time, but I was wondering if you ever received the Fax from Soaked Walrus at all?”

Clawdeen nodded at the woman, who was her boss, and turned to grab said fax from the pile in the small metal rack that had TO BE SCANNED labeled on it.

“Yeah, they sent it in right as I came,” she said as she handed the paper to her, “They said they’re open for negotiation, but they would like to see the inventory before they make any final decisions.”

Sam clicked her tongue as she took the paper from her and looked down at it. Her pointed ears lowered slightly in displeasure as she shook her head.

“Of course they would,” she said, “Like those old bigwigs have any idea of what kind of trends to look out for. What do they know? They’d sooner sell all those clothes that look like your grandma’s wallpaper from the seventies than Catty Noir’s brand if it meant selling something they’re ‘familiar with.’”

She gave Clawdeen an incredulous look. “Remind me again why we’re negotiating with them?”

“Because they’re currently one of the biggest outlets for teen clothes nowadays?” Clawdeen suggested, her mood lightened a bit by Sam’s expression.

Sam nodded and pointed at her, “Aw, that was it. Oh, boy, this will be a fun few weeks.”

She grimaced in obvious sarcasm at the remark, but her face lit up as she gave Clawdeen another look and smiled at her.

“Luckily, I have one of the best designers in Oregon on my side, and I know once they see your stuff they’ll be begging for a contract between us,” she said, making Clawdeen blush.

She really had lucked out getting Sam as her boss. The weredog woman was a bit of an icon in the fashion world, having apprenticed under the likes of Shriekanni Grrrsace and Ralph Goren, and could’ve easily been working for the wealthy elite and had her creations featured in Vogue and Helle Magazine, yet had left the world of luxury and celebrity behind to start her own company of making business and casual clothes for everyday wear, with her goal being focused on providing high-end and chic clothes that were ethically produced and environmentally friendly, as well as affordable to those of low-income households and overall savvy, couture, but also just comfortable to wear.

Clawdeen remembered being a bit intimidated by what she initially thought was a dominating presence, as Sam was known to not pull any punches and could be blunt to the point that some said was just obscene. But she’d taken one look at Clawdeen’s portfolio and, in her own words, had fallen in love with her creativity and what clearly was a passion and eye for detail and uniqueness, and hadn’t hesitated in taking the werewolf under her wing. She was nice and kind and a bit motherly, not at all like some of the horror stories Clawdeen heard other designers having endure with other bosses.

As she looked into her eyes, though, Sam suddenly blinked and frowned.

“You okay, there, kiddo?” she asked, “You look a little bit down, just now.”

Clawdeen resisted the urge to frown. Underneath her desk, out of Sam’s sight, she dug her heels in to the ground, mentally cursing her failure to try and mask her emotions. First, her coworkers, and now her boss, a group of people she definitely didn’t want to know about her most intimate life secrets and personal details.

“U-Uh, yeah,” she answered, looking away from Sam before the weredog woman could see the redness of her eyes and turning to her computer, “I just have, um, a lot on my plate right now. You know, trying to get everything done by the deadline, and talking with the in-laws of whose going where for the howlidays, and trying to get all the decorating and shopping done.”

“You sure that’s just it?” Sam asked, “You looked a little bit pale a few seconds ago. If you’re not feeling well, you can always clock out early-”

“No, no, it’s not that. I swear, I’m fine,” Clawdeen said reassuredly. She forced herself to look back up at the older woman and give her a smile, internally hoping that it looked more genuine than she felt, “Just a bit of the late fall blues. You know, nothing special.”

Sam nodded, “Well, then I’m going to take your word for it. But let me know if you find yourself getting burnt out at all; if ever the project load’s too much for you, I’ll be happy to ask Garrott or them to put in a helping hand. I’d hate to see you overwhelmed.”

“I’m not overwhelmed,” Clawdeen insisted, “I’m just a bit distracted today. I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be. I’ll get back to work.”

“Well, okay, then,” Sam said, “Just let me know if you need a break once in a while. The last thing I need is any of you getting worked up and having problems because y’all are too stubborn to admit that the load may be too much for one person.”

That got her a smirk from Clawdeen. At least she was a boss who cared, the latter thought, and actually gave a damn about her employees. “I will.”

Sam finally nodded, “And if it means anything, like you need a quick picker-up or something, you’ve been doing great this month. Our stocks are showing those dresses you designed are selling out like crazy!”

“Great,” Clawdeen said with a small smile.

Giving her another nod, Sam finally turned and left, leaving her alone once again. Clawdeen’s gaze lingered on the doorway for a brief moment, before it dropped and she sighed.

Grabbing her pastels and her colored pencils from her bag, she opened her sketchbook and picked up where she had left off earlier, when she became too distracted by her thoughts of the baby to focus. She leaned her cheek against her palm as she abstractedly began to add a few more details to the design she had open and color it in.

As she worked, though, she still found herself thinking back to her most recent appointment and the recollections that had followed with it about her last pregnancies.

She’d never told anyone in the office about that day at the meeting. The only people who knew what had happened were Romulus, her family, and her closest circle of friends. She knew people like Garrott and Wydowna had their suspicions, but they respectfully didn’t badger her about it.

Now, here she was, pregnant again and nobody any the wiser.

Like she had told Rom, she planned to keep it that way. She didn’t need or want anyone’s pity; the only thing worse was going through the pain that she had was getting those stares from people who acted lik they understood, when they had no idea just what kind of heartache she’d had to endure. They had no idea the kind of burden it was to bear.

Pushing away the misery for now, Clawdeen turned back to her sketchbook and continued with her work, determined to get her stuff done like she knew she could. All the while, though, the thought of the little secret in her belly remained at the back of her mind, letting her know that this was only the beginning of whatever roller coaster she was now on.

  
  



	3. Chapter 2: Seeing Green

A few days later, Clawdeen met up with her therapist for an appointment. Jenn sat across from her, listening and nodding her head silently as Clawdeen lamented  about the conflict she was facing with her pregnancy and the mixed emotions it had her feeling. 

After the werewolf had finally finished her long-winded rant and sat back against the familiar navy couch that had since become like a second hangout to her, after all these years of being Jennifur’s patient. Jennifer watched her in silence for a few seconds as she pouted and crossed her arms, before she finally gave a response. 

“Well, that is quite a weight you’ve had to have on your shoulders,” she said, “I wish I could say congratulations, but I know that’s probably the last thing you want to hear right now.” 

Clawdeen shrugged and looked down at her lap. She fiddled with a tissue in her hands that she took from the box that Jennifur had placed on the coffee table between them earlier, finding herself unable to sit still and needing something to at least occupy her time. 

“ I mean, does it really matter?” she asked, “By this point, it’s become as average to me as ‘good morning’ or ‘curse you’ when someone sneezes- it doesn’t really mean anything. It’s just something you say. 

“I’ve heard it so many times, along with ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘I’m here for you’ that, that I’m almost sick of hearing it,” she said, “Everyone acts like they’re trying to be sincere, but they’re really just trying to say the right things that won’t seem too polarizing or judgmental.” 

Jennifur raised her brow at her doubtfully and tilted her head. “And do you actually believe that your friends and family are being insincere, or do you just hate the fact that it’s something so intimate that they know about you?” 

She didn’t receive an answer, but the way that Clawdeen  suddenly clenched her hands in the wad of tissue and twisted around was enough for her. All her years as a therapist allowed her to know what someone was thinking based on body language, even if they had never said a word. 

With the way that Clawdeen’s knuckles went white, Jennifur thought that she was going to snap at her for a second. But after a second, Clawdeen quickly  deflated and let it go. She looked up at the werecat. 

“I don’t know what I’m going to do,” she said, “It’s like  I’m being tugged in two different directions and there’s no way to get free without hurting myself one way or the other. Either way, whether I keep it or terminate it, I’m losing my baby.” 

“Except you don’t know if you’re going to lose it this time,” Jennifur pointed out, “ You don’t know how this pregnancy is going to turn out. There’s always the chance things might be different.” 

“Everyone says that, but it’s so fucking easy to say when you’ve never actually had to experience something like it for yourself,” Clawdeen said angrily, bristling at the sentence. 

She was starting to get really tired of people telling her about ‘chances’ and what-ifs.  It was so easy to bring up statistics when you never had to feel that emptiness, that guilt that  ate at you like a flesh-eating virus every day, day in and day out. 

It was easy to leave things up to chance when you weren’t the one getting your heart ripped out of your chest. 

Jennifur showed no indication of being affected by her  outburst. She just crossed one leg over the other and hugged her knee with her hands. 

“You’re right, and I’m not trying to diminish the pain you’ve been through,” she said calmly, “ I’m only saying that  it can be easy to fall into this cynical mindset of ‘everything sucks, nothing is worth it’, but doing so will only further drain you and damage you emotionally. You don’t have to be optimistic, only don’t jump to conclusions for something you really can’t help.” 

“I don’t  _ want  _ to terminate,” Clawdeen clarified, “ I want to keep this baby- but...I don’t think I could deal with another slap in the face if things go awry again.” 

She brought her knees up to her chest and hugged them tightly. Her brows started to knit together as her lip quivered. 

“I don’t want to give anything up. I want to try and be hopeful and I want to be happy about this, but...what if I’m just setting myself up for failure again?” she asked, in a much smaller voice this time. 

Jennifur gave her a soft, understanding look and said, “Then you grieve, you let yourself mourn, and in time, you pick yourself back up again. You’ve done it before, and you can do it again. This is just another dark chapter in your life, it’s important you remember it won’t last forever.” 

The deadpanned, sad look Clawdeen gave her made it clear that she didn’t find an ounce of relief in the werecat’s words. 

“Isn’t that pathetic, that I  _ can  _ say I’ve been through worse shit like this before?” she asked, “ You could probably fill an entire cargo ship with the amount of baggage I’ve carried with me.” 

“That may be, and that’s why I know you know that whatever you decide, or whatever happens, you know you and only you  can decide how you feel,” Jennifur replied, “Anyone who tries to tell you otherwise or look down upon you can frankly go fuck themselves.” 

Clawdeen snorted at her words. After all these years, Jen never failed to catch her off guard with her crude language, which  even with her being an adult now, still sounded like it could get the therapist in trouble for being unprofessional if the wrong person were to hear her.

Her humoring was a small thing, though, in the grand ocean of frustration and  hurt that had overtaken her for the last few days. Her expression became sullen again,  as her eyes became downcast towards the floor once more. 

“It’s just not fair,” she mused,  repeating those same words she had said in despair the last time she had miscarried, “Wasn’t it enough for me to lose five years of my life? Haven’t I suffered enough, just having to live with the memory of DC and all of them?” 

Jennifur gave her a pitying look. “I wish I could answer those questions for you, Clawdeen. But all you can do is take it one day at a time.” 

“I know,” Clawdeen mumbled, “Doesn’t make it any easier.” 

They fell into a brief silence, neither really knowing what to say by that point. It was interrupted by the alarm on Jennifur’s phone, which signaled the end of their session for the day. 

“ That’s all the time we have for now,” Jennifur said, hitting the end alarm button on her screen, “ Just remember what I told you.

“ And remember, if you ever find that you’re having a mental health crisis, don’t hesitate to call my number of one of the ones I gave you,” she added. 

“You say that like every day hasn’t been a health crisis for me,” Clawdeen remarked, t he bitter half-smile on her face indicating she was only partially joking. 

Jennifur didn’t entertain this, though, and just reached forward and patted the werewolf on her knee.

“Just remember to breathe, Clawdeen,” she advised, “ That’s all anyone can ask of you for now.” 

* * *

_ Just remember to breathe,  _ Clawdeen repeated to herself the next day, as she  drove out to the current destination she had in mind. There really was no reason to be nervous- the plans she had for today were something she and the others had done plenty of times throughout the years before, ever since they were teenagers- but she knew that this wasn’t an ordinary  f angout. 

At least, it wasn’t, to her, when you were carrying a really big secret on your shoulders (or, in her case, her stomach) that not even your closest friends had any idea about.

Earlier in the week,  she had received a text from Draculaura wondering if she was free some time, and if she was, if they should plan a little get-together.  It had been a while since they’d seen each other  or had a day to themselves that was just the two of them, like old times when they were still in school.

Normally, Clawdeen would’ve been excited for  such a day.  What better way to spend her day off and lessen the weight of the stress of work and general unlife than with either her man or the ghoul who’d been her  right hand woman, her shoulder to cry on, and her absolute ride or die ever since she was a little pup?  But the knowledge that she was keeping such a big event like her pregnancy from someone like Laura- someone who had seen her in the hardest, darkest of times and knew her deepest fears- dulled her initial excitement. 

How could she act all smiles and sunshine when the ever-lurking fear of her losing  _ this one  _ had been eating at her  in the back of her mind like a malicious spirit floating over her shoulder? All this turmoil, and her friends were none the wiser. 

She knew it was her choice to have it that way, but that didn’t make it  _ not  _ hard. 

_ It’ll be fine,  _ she told herself,  _ Just act natural and everything will be okay.  _

Keeping her gaze on the road, Clawdeen squared her shoulders and took a deep breath, letting it out to try and calm her nerves. She put on her turn signal at the intersection and turned right to get onto the path that led to the outlet maul area. The parking lot was packed full of cars and dozens of people were bustling about on the sidewalks, many having armloads full of ingredients that were clearly for the upcoming Fangsiving howliday. 

Clawdeen bent her head and looked back and forth out the windshield, trying to find a spot. Managing to snag one that had a minivan pulling out of it, she parked and got out, shivering  at the cold air that immediately assaulted. The temperature had dropped severely within only a few days, and already Clawdeen could see her breath. 

S he wrapped her coat tighter around herself and fixed her scarf around her neck, which she buried her chin in as she stuffed her hands in her pockets and began speed-walking towards the entrance to the bookstore where she agreed to meet Draculaura at,  determined to get warm and get herself a hot drink as soon as possible. 

Even though it was mid-November, the bookstore was already setting up for Cryptmas, with several display set up that advertised holiday-themed fiction books and DIY guides for making ornaments and snowflake decorations taped onto the wall. Clawdeen bustled passed them without a  second glance and turned in the direction of the bookstore’s cafe, her rattling frame focused on getting a tall mocha and warming herself up. 

“Deen! Clawdeen, over here!” she heard a familiar accented voice call out. 

Clawdeen turned to see someone waving at her from the children’s fiction section. Strolling up the aisle was Laura, dressed in pink and black like always, smiling and guiding her son by the hand. 

“Auntie Deenie!” Pawstin called out as he caught sight of his aunt. He let go of Laura’s hand and ran towards Clawdeen, his thick black dreadlocks bouncing up and down as he held his arms out towards her. 

Clawdeen grinned and knelt down with her arms open, allowing the four year old to lunge at her and wrap his arms around  her in a tight hug. She returned the embrace and gave him a kiss on the cheek. 

“Hey, baby!” she greeted, pulling back, “How have you been?” 

“Mommy took me to the toy store!” Pawstin exclaimed, “ She got me the newest Dino Buster!” 

To show her, he let go of her and dug into the pocket of his coat,  pulling out a blue plastic toy of a costume-clad dinosaur and holding it up for her to see. 

“Ooooh,” Clawdeen said, pretending to be interested, “So cool! I bet you’ll have tons of fun with him! Which one is this one, MegaRaptor?” 

“No,” Pawstin shook his head, “This is Rex Rageatron! See?” 

He  pointed to the small logo on the figurine’s chest and tapped on it. Clawdeen nodded, continuing to play along. 

“Aw, I see. My bad,” she said with a smile, “It seems I need to educate myself about Dino Busters more.” 

“I hope you don’t mind that I brought him,” Draculaura said, smiling at the cute scene happening in front of her, “Clawd’s down in California for a business trip, and I couldn’t get hold of a sitter in time.” 

“Of course, I don’t,” Clawdeen said, standing back up, “I’m always looking forward to spending time with his little guy...” 

Shooting another smile down at Pawstin, she reached out and lightly pinched his cheek. Pawstin frowned and pulled away, batting her hands from his face. 

“Aunt Deenie!” he whined, though all it did was make Clawdeen and Laura grin in amusement. 

“So,” Clawdeen asked, looking back up at her sister-in-law, “Coffee first,  then some shopping? Or how do you want to do this?” 

“That sounds fine,” Laura said, “I would like to eat sometime soon, though, since I didn’t have breakfast and Pawstin, I know, will be wanting something if we do some walking around.” 

She suddenly shot Clawdeen a mischievous fanged grin. “And not to be a shopaholic or anything,” she added, “But  I  _ did  _ just get a big bonus from the paper me and Spectra just published, and I’ve been itching for that Bitme Fears perfume that just came out...” 

Clawdeen smirked at her in response. “Oh, ghoul, you know just how to reel me in.” 

For latter part of the morning, they had spent their time going from store to store, half-window-shopping half-actually shopping. They got some coffee and sat down at one of the tables in the corner of the bookstore, just chatting about how unlife was going, before they roamed the aisles and looked at the books on the shelves, pulling some out and reading their summaries. 

They went to Dreadful Penny’s and did some shopping- Laura got the perfume she wanted as well as a new pair of shoes, while Clawdeen  picked out some new shirts and pants for herself. They also checked out the makeup aisle, where they tried out some samples of the newest releases. 

“God, another neutral palette?” Clawdeen asked, making a face as her eyes wandered, unimpressed, down the rows of eyeshadow palettes, “These Frighttubers do all these creative looks on their channels, and  _ this  _ is the best they do when they get to design a release.” 

“I know, and then they have the nerve to try and charge it for forty dollars? I could easily buy every entire shade as singles for ten dollars at the drugstore,” Laura commented as sh e sprayed a tester bottle onto the back of her wrist and  sniffed it.

“Hey, what do you think of this smell?” she asked, holding it up under Clawdeen’s nose for her to see, “It says it has coconut in it, but I’m not smelling anything but alcohol.”

Clawdeen turned away from the lipstick she was swatching on her hand and backed up, a bit surprised by how close Laura had put her hand to her face. 

She caught one whiff of the perfume  and grimaced. Immediately, she felt her stomach clench at the strong scent of oils, and her head began to throb. She could feel a lump start to foam in the back of her throat that brought the threat of vomiting. 

“O-Oh,” she just groaned, putting a hand to her stomach as she pushed Laura’s away and turned to the side, trying to be rid of the strong smell, “That’s strong, all right...” 

She put a hand to her mouth, trying to fight against the urge to throw up. Draculaura and Pawstin both looked at her with concern, surprised at the reaction. 

“Hey, you okay?” Laura asked, putting a hand on her shoulder, “I know the scent’s not all that great, but I didn’t think it would be  _ that  _ bad.” 

“I-I-It’s not that,” Clawdeen said, bristling when she realized how extreme her reaction was, “I-I think it’s just the breakfast muffin I had this morning, it’s not agreeing with me...” 

Internally, she knew exactly why she was feeling so nauseous right now, and it had nothing to do with what she ate. 

It was because of the hormonal changes she was starting to go through. Her mother, grandmother, and aunts had all had the same sensitivity to smells early on in their pregnancies, and it seems that she, too, had carried on the trait. 

(She begged to the lycan deities above that that was one detail that Harriet had never told Laura). 

“Are you sure?” Draculaura asked, tilting her head to try and see her face, “ It doesn’t have anything to do with that doctor’s appointment from a few weeks ago, does it?” 

_ Fuck,  _ Clawdeen thought. She had forgotten she’d told  Laura about that. She prayed that her face hadn’t completely drained of color  and that the odd feeling she had in her cheeks was just from the toastiness of the store. 

“N-No, that was just a check-up,” she stammered, “Nothing wrong. I’m fine, I swear. I probably just need to drink some water or something. You know, m-maybe I’m just a little dizzy from how high they have the heat on.” 

She gave them both a smile that she knew was probably really fake looking. The two of them kept looking at her, neither looking convinced by her answer. 

“Um, okay...” Draculaura answered, “Maybe we should get out of here then. You should probably sit down, just in case it’s something serious.” 

“Good idea,” Clawdeen answered. 

They paid for their things and hurried out of the store. They stopped by a vending machine outside, where Clawdeen bought a bottle of water and Laura got a lemon-lime soda to split between herself and Pawstin. They made their way over to one of the benches and took a seat. 

“Are you sure you’re okay, Clawdeen?” Draculaura asked as she helped Pawstin take a sip, “You’re still looking a little green. You’re not coming down with anything, are you?” 

Clawdeen took a much-needed sip of water and shook her head. The bubbling at the back of her throat had luckily subsided, but she was still feeling slightly queasy, both from her nerves and the lingering scent of the perfume. It didn’t help that where they were seated was right by  a seafood restaurant and her nose was now assaulted by the scents of raw fish and crab. 

“I’m okay. I just have a bit of a headache,” she said, “I don’t know, probably just the stress of work, you know?” 

This time, she looked Laura in the eye, hoping that such a gesture would make her seem a little more sincere. 

Draculaura, however, narrowed her eyes at her, like some kind of thought had come to her. Right as she opened her mouth to say whatever, though, their attention was  turned to the sound of someone calling their names. 

“Clawdeen! Laura! How nice to see you today!” 

The two of them and Pawstin turned towards the entrance to the outlet mall. Abbey was heading in their direction, a few shopping and plastic bags hanging off her arms. She was holding her son cradled in one arm so that he was propped up on her hip, while her daughter followed beside her, grasping the hem of her sweater dress. 

“Oh, hey Abbey,” Draculaura greeted, turning away from Clawdeen to face her, “What’ve you been up to?”

“Have been busy doing some hurrying around,” Abbey explained  as she stopped in front of them, “Mama and Papa and brother coming for howlidays, so have been trying to find ingredients for Yettish dishes they will enjoy. Also thought to bring kids out of house so they now feel suffocated. You?” 

“Oh, we’re just having a ghouls’ day,” Draculaura said, before she turned and smiled at Pawstin, “With a plus one.” 

“ Nice,” Abbey said with a grin, “Surely, we should arrange similar to date with rest of ghouls. Has been while since we have got to have proper  coming-together.” 

“Agreed,” Clawdeen said, “I’ve definitely been meaning to text Frankie and Ghoulia. I’ve been so busy with work,  though, it completely slips my mind.”

She caught something in her peripheral and  looked to see Abbey’s daughter, Neva, staring at her shyly from behind the fabric of her coat. She smiled and gestured to her. 

“Well, hi, Neva, how have you been?” she asked softly, “ Come here, I haven’t seen you in a while!” 

Abbey and Laura looked down at the little hybrid, who backed up further behind her mother and buried her nose in her skirt. Abbey drifted a hand down and patted her soft red hair. 

“ Go, say hi to Miss Clawdeen,” she said, “No need to be bashful, you are in company of good friends.” 

Slowly, Neva removed her hand and stood out from behind her, shuffling closer to Clawdeen, though she still clung to the front of Abbey’s clothes like it was a lifeline that she was too scared to lose. 

“Hi...” she greeted. 

“How have you been doing, sweetie?” Clawdeen asked, “I saw the video of your soccer game last week, you did amazing!” 

A faint blush worked its way onto Neva’s pale blue cheeks, and she pressed her chin into her collarbone. “I was only the goalie...”

“And you did wonderful,” Clawdeen insisted, “ You were great at deflecting the other team! Keep up the great work!” 

Neva didn’t say anything, but from the small smile that worked its way onto her cheeks and the way she turned her gaze down to her feet, she did appreciate the compliment. Abbey grinned at her daughter’s  reaction and turned to her son, adjusting her grip on him. He was Neva’s opposite, with bright yellow skin and messy white hair. 

“ She has been practicing every day in backyard ever since Heath got her ball for her birthday,” she said, “Has also been trying to teach Fintan here how to kick. Before I know it, they will both be soccer stars.” 

“Mama...” Neva groaned, a bit embarrassed.

Clawdeen and Laura giggled at the little ghoul’s reaction. It was funny, now that the shoe was on the other foot, and it was  _ them  _ being told they were too embarrassing by little kids. 

Neva slowly lifted her gaze again. She caught sight of Pawstin, who was currently playing with his new action figure, and her head lifted up in curiosity. 

“Is that the new Dino Blaster?”  she asked. 

Pawstin grinned and held it up to her so she could get a better look. “Yep!” he said proudly, “Mama got it for me!” 

Neva’s eyes widened and her mouth dropped open in amazement. “Whoa, I thought they were all sold out by now!” she exclaimed. 

“Not this one,” Pawstin refuted. 

Something flashed in Neva’s eyes, and she turned up to Abbey with a hopeful expression. Abbey raised her brows at her daughter; she seemed to realize what the younger ghoul was up to, as she frowned. 

Neva just gave her a sweet smile and batted her thick eyelashes at her. Abbey groaned. 

“Oh, great, not you too,” she said, “You know  rules.” 

“Please, Mama,” Neva asked. 

“No,” Abbey said firmly, “Cannot afford them right now. And you already have dozens of toys that Papa, Auntie, and Uncle got you for birthday!” 

Neva frowned, clearly dismayed at being denied her request at perhaps obtaining the newest toy like Pawstin had. Laura and Clawdeen giggled  as they watched the exchange. 

“I can show you it, if you want,” Pawstin offered. 

Neva immediately perked up. Her eyes sparkled at him. “Really?!” 

“Sure,” Pawstin said with a smile

Laura looked at him proudly and ruffled his hair. “That’s very nice of you, Pawstin, to share your toys.” 

Neva was all too glad to  join her, Clawdeen, and Pawstin on the bench as she took a seat besides Pawstin, who held out his Dino Buster to her and started showing her all the little tricks that were built into it. The ghouls watched them with some satisfaction; at the very least, it was nice to have two of the kids having a good time, instead of starting to act up due to boredom.

“God, they’ve both gotten so big,” Clawdeen commented, “It feels like only yesterday either of them was still in a crib.”

“I know,” Laura said, gazing at her son with fondness as him and Neva giggled as he pressed a button on his action figure and a little plastic harpoon shot out, “He’s  already reading, he’s  saying his ABCs, he’s doing math.” 

She suddenly made a face. “He’s starting to  _ talk back.  _ Definitely gets that from me.” 

Abbey and Clawdeen chuckled at her statement, and Abbey added, “Know how that feel. Am in same situation- Neva is starting to realize that if she play werepuppy look hard enough, Heath will cave into her. Fintan luckily does not seem to pay attention most of time, but his sister certainly is future actress.”

“Oh, no,” Clawdeen raised a brow, “Already?” 

“Yes,” Abbey added, shaking her head in fake-sadness, “ Almost makes me miss days of when all she could do was lay in playpen and play with her toes.” 

She quickly brightened up, though, and shot a smile towards the werewolf

“ Is rewarding, though, in its own ways,”  she said, “Sounds hard from outsider’s perspective, but  even tantrums and time-outs you learn to appreciate in  its little forms. You will understand when you become mother.” 

Clawdeen went rigid and flinched as if slapped. 

The comment wasn’t meant to mean anything, and she knew it, but that didn’t stop it from stinging like she’d just landed in a garden of wolfsbane. 

_ When you become mother.  _

When. Not if. As if it were so simple. Like she could just pop out a baby like the rest of them had. 

Like she hadn’t been yearning for that for the past two years. 

She hated herself in that moment as she suddenly found herself fighting against the barrage of tears that threatened to spill over. Her claws clenched in her water bottle and she forced herself to look away. She could feel Laura staring at her, obviously having  realized how unintentionally insensitive Abbey’s comment was, but she refused to look at her. 

She didn’t want to cry. Not here, not now, not when her nephew and dozens of strangers could see her. 

Abbey, who obviously hadn’t realized how her words had come off, suddenly perked up and looked at  them. She seemed completely oblivious to the way that Clawdeen was now looking off in the distance. 

“Oh!” s h e exclaimed, “It reminds me! You hear good news about  Gigi?” 

“I did!” Laura said, giving a smile up at the yeti, “I’m so happy for her and Rider! I heard her dad’s already going all-out to be the perfect grandfather.” 

That caught Clawdeen’s attention. Temporarily forgetting her urge to cry, she turned back to them and looked between them in confusion.

“Wait, what?” she asked, “What good news?” 

“ Have you not heard?” Abbey asked, “Am sure it was all over Frightbook and Hisstagram.” 

“I...haven’t been checking them out for the last few days,” Clawdeen said with a grimace, “I’ve kinda been off social media lately.” 

“She’s pregnant,” Laura explained with a smile, “She said her and Rider found out right after Seabella’s birthday party.” 

It was another major blow to Clawdeen’s already fragile walls. She felt her  heart crack and crumble at those words. 

Seabella was Lagoon and Gil’s  baby daughter, who had just turned a year old this October. It had been a huge party, if not a bit over-the-top, courtesy of Gil’s parents, who were excited to finally be grandparents, nevermind her half-salt water monster scaritage. 

And now Gigi was pregnant, which meant she joined the ranks of Laura, Abbey, Cleo, and pretty much the rest of Clawdeen’s friends and acquaintances in experiencing motherhood. She had only just found out, but her and Rider were obviously excited, if they were already announcing it to the world. 

Meanwhile, Clawdeen was in the same boat with her, yet nobody had any idea. 

Whereas her friends felt excitement and nervousness, all Clawdeen could feel was worry that this baby would turn out like its siblings, its life ended before it could even take its first breath.  Whereas everyone else was bursting with excitement, she was constantly in fear that one wrong move would take this one away from her. 

Clawdeen wanted to be a part of that with them. She  _ wanted  _ to understand what Abbey meant about those little things you learned to appreciate as parent,  even when it was stuff like your kids being bad or acting out. 

But she didn’t get to have it. All three times, she was denied that. 

A feeling of extreme jealousy welled up in her. She shifted her eyes to where Neva and Pawstin were sitting, the two of them currently engaged in playing with their toys, which only made the feeling intensify. 

It was so easy for all of her friends.  They didn’t have her health problems, they didn’t have her pain. They probably didn’t have a second thought to how things could go wrong or have nightmares, or chronic pain, or the constant worry of what-if. 

Once again, they were all moving forward, and Clawdeen was left behind. 

Yet again, as they looked forward to the future with heads held high and saw sunshine, all Clawdeen saw was a great, dark fog that promised nothing and mocked her with the knowledge that it was all only the beginning of something worse. 

In spite of herself, she found herself looking back at Abbey and Laura, who were talking about something or another, with great envy. 

It fucking sucked. It was a horrible thought, but why did it always have to be  _ her  _ to bare the brunt of life’s misery? When did it get to be her turn  to have things go right ? 

Her friends had no idea what she was going through. They got to experience one of life’s greatest joys without a second thought, but for her, it was an upward battle. 

She hadn’t realized she’d been staring off into the parking lot with a sour expression until she heard Abbey say, “Well, has been fun meeting up with you two, again, but I must go. Need to get children home and get lunch started, and groceries put away.” 

Clawdeen blinked and looked to the side again. Abbey and Laura seemed none the wiser to her  as the former adjusted herself and her hold on Fintan. Neva was pushing herself off the ledge and went back over to her mother and took Abbey’s outstretched hand.  Laura stood up and brushed her skirt off, before her and the yeti leaned in for a hug. 

“Let me know when the next time you’re free,” Laura was saying, “We should arrange a lunch date with the other ghouls!” 

“Am looking forward to it, dearly,” Abbey replied. 

She turned to Clawdeen with a smile. “Was nice seeing you too, Clawdeen. Must talk more often, you and I.” 

“Uh, y-yeah, of course,” Clawdeen replied, still reeling from the sulking she’d been doing just a few seconds ago. 

She stood up and gave Abbey a hug, before she looked down at Neva. 

“You be a good ghoul for your mommy now, okay?” she asked, “ She works hard.” 

“I will,” Neva said.

“Say bye, Finny,” Abbey said, lightly bouncing the one year old on her hip, “Say goodbye to miss Lala and Deenie.” 

“Bye,” Fintan said distractedly as he messed with her necklace. 

Clawdeen, Laura, and Pawstin  waved the three of them goodbye as they gathered up their things and left the area. As they crossed the street and headed towards their car in the lot, Laura turned and gave Clawdeen a look. 

“Are you all right?” she asked, “You seemed really tense just now.”

She turned towards Clawdeen and put a hand on her arm. “About what she said- You know she wasn’t trying to be malicious. Abbey’s always been really blunt and doesn’t really how things can translate over-” 

“I know. I’m not bothered by it,” Clawdeen said, though the small bite that accompanied her words gave away how she was really feeling. 

She was not in the mood for this conversation today.  This was exactly the kind of topic she was hoping to  _ avoid.  _

“But-” 

“Lala, please, I don’t want to get into this,” Clawdeen said, giving her a pained look, “ You wanted to hang out, so let’s do that.” 

Her tone was a bit harsher than she intended it to be, and she regretted it when she saw Laura flinch back. 

“O-Okay,” Draculaura replied, “S-Sorry.” 

Clawdeen dropped her shoulders in regret.  She sighed, “I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be short. I just...I don’t have the energy to go through  _ that  _ right now.”

Also, if she talked about it, she would also have to talk about  why she was in such a bad, foul mood over the revelation that Gigi was expecting. Which would mean having to once again dwell on her past losses. Which would mean having to reveal her pregnancy and thus leave herself exposed to the looks of pity and the fake condolences. 

“Well, I apologize,” Laura said, “I’m not trying to stir the pot. I just want to make sure that you’re okay. I know that... _ that  _ subject is still a pretty touchy one.”

She tried to lessen the tension and pointed to  the Hexican restaurant across the street. “How about we get some food? I’ve been itching to try this place’s nachos.” 

“I want nachos!” Pawstin said, looking up at them. 

Clawdeen couldn’t help but smirk at that. She looked down at him, “Well, then, I guess  that solidifies where our lunch will be at. Maybe if we have room left, we might share some tres leches?” 

“Yeah!” was what she got as a response. 

Her and Laura giggled as they gathered up their bags and Laura took Pawstin’s hand, before the three of them began making their way to the restaurant. 

They had a good lunch and did indeed end up sharing dessert, and afterward they continued to roam the outlet mall and check out the various stores and get some things for themselves. However, Clawdeen found she couldn’t enjoy the activities as much as she probably would’ve on any other day. 

Abbey’s comment and the  news of Gigi’s pregnancy, and the realization of just how many of her friends had become parents while she remained childless, picked at the open wound in her heart and tore it open so it was fresh again and pained her with the torment of bathing in silver. 

She tried to remain in good spirits and ignore it, but the thoughts remained with her for the rest of the day,  letting her know that no matter how good of a mood she was in, she could never truly escape the pain that she’d been through all these years. 

* * *

When she got home later that evening,  Clawdeen felt exhausted. The only thing she wanted to do, she thought as she stepped in through the doorway, was go to bed and sleep for a good few hundred years. 

Romulus was already home, and he was in the kitchen  preparing ingredients for dinner . He lifted his head  from where he’d been focused on cutting vegetables  and nodded at her. 

“Hey, babe,” he greeted. 

“Hi,” Clawdeen said tiredly,  dropping her purse into a chair,  before she tugged off her scarf and tossed it absentmindedly onto the back of it. 

“I see you and Laura definitely treated yourselves,” Rom joked  as he saw the shopping bags in her hands, “ I guess we’ll be eating instant ramen for the rest of the month.” 

“Oh, hush,” Clawdeen said, rearranging her bags so she could set them down, before she  collapsed into a chair and sighed, throwing her head back as she slouched in it. 

Noticing the way she was staring off into space dejectedly, Romulus asked, “Hey...you okay?” 

“Yeah...” Clawdeen replied off-handedly, “ Just, learned some things today that kind of...put things into perspective for me.” 

Romulus nodded at her, encouraging her to continue. He kept his eye on her from the kitchen counter. 

Swallowing against the lump in her throat, Clawdeen explained, “Gigi’s pregnant.” 

“Oh...oh, wow!” Romulus stammered, “W-Wow! G-Good for them!” 

“Yeah...” Clawdeen said, not showing any enthusiasm.  She lapsed into silence again. 

From the way her knuckles gripped the edges of the seat in a white opaque hold, Romulus knew there was more to the story than that. He wiped his hands on a dish towel and approached her. 

“I’m...I’m happy for them. I really am,” Clawdeen said to him as he came up to her, “But then...right then, all I could think was...was how  _ unfair  _ it is...”

She looked to him as he knelt down beside her. Her eyes were staring to swim with tears. “I-I-I mean we’re in the same exact boat, but nobody even knows! And nobody knows because, b-because  I don’t even know if this is going to go anywhere, o-or we’ll be right back to where we were in April.” 

She sniffled and clenched her fists on her knees. “ Everyone’s having kids and is so happy, a-and we can’t be part of that.  That...that  _ should  _ be us, but...but  we haven’t been given that chance.” 

“Oh, baby...” Romulus said, reaching out to grip her hand in comfort. 

He sat up on his knees and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close.  Clawdeen rested her head against his chest and sniffed, cuddling up against him as he brushed away the tears that managed to escape and trail down her nose. 

“Rom, be honest with me,” Clawdeen said, turning her head to look up at him, “Do you really think that...that this baby will be different?” 

Romulus’s eyes widened at the question. He gaped at her for a few seconds, before he blinked and his eyes softened. He cupped her cheek. 

“I do,” he said, “ And even if it doesn’t, I’m not going anywhere.” 

He reached up and put his finger under her eyelid,  preventing another tear from escaping down her cheek. Clawdeen gave him a pained smile. 

“Come on,” Romulus said, taking her hand and pulling her with him as he stood up, “You must be starving. Help me get the food ready.” 

Clawdeen followed him to the kitchen and helped him gather up stuff from the fridge to start cooking. When he turned away from her for a brief moment, though, to look through the pantry, she paused and stared at his back, thinking back to his words.

Her gaze dropped down to her stomach, which was now still relatively flat. Clawdeen let her hand drop and briefly cupped it. 

_ Please,  _ she silently asked the little pup- barely bigger than a blueberry currently-  _ Please stay with me. Please let this work out.  _

_ Please don’t leave me like your siblings did,  _ she wished. 

It was all she could do to try and not cry. Taking a deep breath, she raised her head and followed Romulus into the pantry, intent on distracting herself for the moment with preparing the evening meal. 


	4. Chapter 3: What Are You Thankful For?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be honest, I don't really like this chapter or how it turned out. I realize now, as I look over my outline, it wasn't one I gave as much thought to as the other chapters, so it was a bit hard actually writing out and figuring out what was going to happen. So consider this one to be a bit of filler if you will, and apologizes if the quality's sub-par.

Clawdeen honestly didn’t know how she expected to wake up that Fangsgiving morning, but spending it hunched over the toilet bowl was definitely not on her list.

She sat on her knees in her nightgown, her hands grasping either side of the toilet as she leaned her head over the rim, gasping. Her throat felt raw and burned as the disgusting sour taste of bile filled her mouth. She had shoved her hair back, only for it fall back over her shoulders.

Her stomach lurched again, and she dove to hover over the bowl as she vomited again, the nauseating sound of something splashing against the toilet water echoing through the bathroom. Her abdominal muscles cramped and tightened painfully. It was cold in the bathroom and goosebumps broke out on her skin, but all she could focus on was the constant need to throw up. Pulling back, Clawdeen took a gulp of air and panted; she felt as if she couldn’t breathe.

“Easy, easy,” Romulus said softly as he came up behind her, gently gathering up her hair and brushing back behind her shoulders, before his hand dipped down to touch her back, “Just get it all out. Let all that nasty shit out.”

Clawdeen hacked and spat into the bowl, before she finally sat back, grimacing at the nasty taste that now filled her mouth. She grabbed a few pieces of toilet paper and wiped her mouth; Romulus leaned over to turn on the sink and filled up a cup of water for her. Clawdeen turned and accepted it from him.

“God, this sucks,” she said with a frown, wiping her mouth after taking a sip of water, “I thought the fact that it’s started later would be a good thing, but now it feels like it’s waited so everything’s coming at once.”

“It could also just be a regular upset stomach,” Romulus pointed out, “You’ve always said there’s something about bulgogi that makes you feel like it’s flipping your gut later.”

“I didn’t even eat that much last night, though,” Clawdeen wrinkled her nose, taking his hand as he helped her hand up, “It’s these damned pregnancy senses. I swear, my nose seems so find tuned to spicy stuff now, even a grain of pepper sends me reeling.”

She made a face as she rubbed her belly, still feeling slightly queasy. Viveka had told her that morning sickness usually started around the sixth week mark, which had been the case for her first two pregnancies. With her currently at nine weeks, though, it’d been delayed until now, and now it came with a vengeance. Even before she was fully awake, Clawdeen could feel the bile building up at the back of her throat, and was out of bed and racing to the door of the master bath before she’d even fully opened her eyes.

The thought made her frown. If her nausea had been this bad this morning, she dreaded thinking of what it would be like later today, when her and Rom would go to his parents’ house and they’d all be feasting on Fangsgiving dinner. Just the thought of all that food, all those smells and spices, made her tempted to throw up again.

“You think you’re going to be okay today?” Romulus asked, as if reading her mind, “If it’s too much, we could always leave early. Tell them you have a bad cold...”

Clawdeen smiled at him. He was always looking out for her, even when she didn’t realize she needed looking out for. However, she shook her head.

“I’ll be fine,” she said, “If it’s anything like how my mom’s used to be, it will be gone by the end of the day. Besides, I wouldn’t miss out on your mom’s cherry pie for anything.”

“Good, cuz she’d say the same thing, in that she’d personally hunt you down,” Romulus joked, shooting her a grin.

Clawdeen’s smirk quickly faded, though, as her eyes drooped back to the hand that was grasping the plastic cup. Her shoulders slumped and she let out a sigh.

“Honestly, I’m more worried about them catching on to our little problem,” she admitted, “Or one of us fucking up and accidentally letting everyone know.”

Her gaze dropped, as did Rom’s, and the both of them looked down at her cupped stomach.

There wasn’t much to look at right now, but there was just the slightest- the ever so _slightest_ \- curve to her stomach against the fabric of her nightgown. Any regular person probably wouldn’t have even noticed, and those who didn’t probably wouldn’t say anything out of respect on the off chance it was just regular belly fat. 

O f course, though, werewolves were hardly regular people, and especially not her in-laws. 

Romulus raised his head and furrowed his brows at her. He noticed her slightly flustered expression and pushed himself off where he’d been leaning against the edge of the sink to  walk over to her. 

“Hey,” he said, “Don’t let yourself get overwhelmed with those thoughts. It’s Fangsgiving- all anyone’s going to be focused on is stuffing their faces and getting drunk off wine. And you know Mom and ‘em aren’t the kind of people to point that shit out.” 

“I know...” Clawdeen answered, “I just feel...awkward, talking to them and getting them all caught up...except for one of the _biggest_ unlife events. 

“I know I was the one who said I wanted this to stay between us, but that just makes it hurt more. Knowing we have to be on our guard for this one, and they have no clue...” she said quietly, her gaze sliding back towards the ground.

Romulus brushed a stray curl behind her ear that had fallen loose and cupped her cheek. She nuzzled it and allowed him to pull her close and hug her, the two of them staying like that for a minute.

He knew how she felt. He hated keeping secrets from his parents- especially for something as life changing as this, with them potentially gaining another grandchild- and part of him yearned to tell them, but right now wasn’t the time. After all they’d been through, if Clawdeen wasn’t ready, then he would respect her wishes. Though he knew he would never understand the full depth of her pain, he could relate in that it got very tiring after a while to see all the fake-sympathy bullshit on everyone’s face, like they even had an inkling of what it’d been like for them. He especially didn’t want to deal with it during the holidays.

Clawdeen smiled against his chest and pulled away, regarding him with a loving look as she stood up on her tiptoes and kissed him. Romulus let out a noise of pleasure and returned it; Clawdeen smiled as she broke away from him and reached up and kissed his nose.

“I definitely know what I’m thankful for today,” she said softly, “I’m thankful I have _you_. You’ve always been there, cheering me up, lifting me up when I need you the most, loving me.”

From the moment they had their first date, he’d taken it upon himself to be one of her biggest means of support. Through the years, as their love grew, he cherished her and all her flaws, all her trauma, and had never once backed out. He went to great lengths to show her that she was worth loving and that she deserved good things.

Romulus smiled and nuzzled their noses together, “You’re someone I love to love.”

They had another kiss. Clawdeen tilted her head back and gave a small moan, feeling a surge of electricity go through her at the feel of his lips.

“Maybe we’ll have to tell them we’ll be running a bit late,” Romulus murmured against her lips, “Have a little ‘feast’ of our own before we get going...”

Clawdeen sputtered and turned away from him, cackling. “Oh my god, you’re disgusting!” she exclaimed, smacking him lightly on the shoulder. Romulus grinned deviously.

“Come on,” Clawdeen said, finally pulling away from him and turning to head back to their bedroom, “We have to get ready. I’m not about to be late when I was the one who said we’d tried to be there as soon as possible.”

Romulus gave a childish pout, but followed after. He grumbled unhappily, “Okay...”

It was clear he didn’t mean it, though, as he quickly chuckled as he saw Clawdeen roll her eyes and shake her head. She muttered “You’re so dumb” under her breath, which only increased his amusement.

All previous talk of babies and sickness was put on hold as the two of them got ready and headed downstairs to their car. Clawdeen leaned back in her seat and took a deep breath as she smoothed out the skirt of her purple dress, feeling nervous about how the day was going to go.

“You ready?” Romulus said, buckling in next to her.

Clawdeen shrugged, “As ready as someone in my predicament can, I guess.”

He gave her a smile and reached over the console to squeeze her hand. Clawdeen gave him a look back and adjusted her grip, turning her palm up so she could lace her fingers with his.

Today was a day to spend with family, she told herself, so there was no reason to feel so nervous. His and hers had been there for her when she needed them the most, so she told herself there was to be no tears or anxiety or bad moods.

As she’d learned the hard way, you never knew when each moment spent could be your last together.

* * *

The scent of turkey and baked goods was already heavy in the air as they pulled up to Rom’s parents’ house. Clawdeen breathed it all in, only to make a face as she immediately felt an unpleasant gurgling feeling in her stomach.

“You okay?” Romulus asked, noting her expression.

“Yeah,” she said dismissively, waving her hand in front of her face in an attempt to try and waft the scents away so they weren’t as strong, “I just need to have a glass of water or something.”

Romulus nodded, and they held hands as they walked up the front porch and headed for the front door. He reached up and rang the door bell.

“ _Come in,”_ they heard Rhea call out from somewhere inside.

Romulus grabbed the door knob and turned it. As he opened it, the scent of cooking food was even stronger, what seemed to be every kind of spice imaginable hitting the both of them in the face as they stepped into the front parlor. It was warm and toasty; within seconds Clawdeen had to remove the large cardigan she had over her dress as it suddenly felt too hot.

From the doorway in the kitchen, an older she-wolf with auburn hair and tawny colored fur appeared. She was wearing a stained and flour-covered apron over an old shirt and a worn pair of jeans, and her curly hair was tied back in a messy bun. At the sight of the two younger wolves, her honey-colored eyes widened with joy.

“Rom! Clawdeen! Hello!” she exclaimed, rushing over to them, “Hello, hello! Happy Fangsgiving!”

“Hi, Mom,” Romulus greeted cheerfully as he held his arm out and allowed the shorter woman to embrace him in a side hug. Rhea stepped sideways, as to not get their clothes dirty, as she gave each of them a kiss on the cheek. Clawdeen smiled and gave her a quick hug, before the former stepped back and looked between them.

“Don’t mind me, I’ve just been slaving away in the kitchen since the crack of dawn,” Rhea commented as she looked down at her apron, brushing her hands across it to try and dust off some of the flour, “Been up since six am, and I’m _still_ not done.”

“You want any help?” Clawdeen asked, allowing Romulus to remove her coat to hang on the coat rack.

She didn’t even know why she bothered asking, knowing immediately what the response was; despite her slightly frazzled and weary state, Rhea shook her head and gestured to the kitchen.

“Nope!” she exclaimed, “I actually only have a few more dishes to do. Come on! Frostulus has been keeping me company in the kitchen.”

She grabbed their hands and hurriedly led them to said kitchen, where Romulus’s stepfather, Frostulus, sat at the kitchen island. He nodded at the both of them as they all entered and raised a wine glass in their direction. He was dressed in a sweater vest and some slacks.

“Hey!” he said happily, turning in his stool and holding his arms out for Romulus as the latter came to hug him, “Glad to see you made it!”

“I take it you’re enjoying sneaking in all the little bites and not actually having to put in any of the effort?” Romulus joked as he clapped the older arctic wolf on the back.

Frostulus held his hands up defensively, “Hey, I’ve tried to help! But every time I try to measure out something, or chop something up, she immediately snatches it all up like I’m going to dump all of it on the floor! You know your mom- she always wants to make sure Fangsgiving dinner is prepared the way that makes her comfortable.”

“You two sure love to talk a lot for people who still expect to be fed tonight,” Rhea snapped playfully as she waved them off and turned back to the oven, bending down to peak in. From it, Clawdeen could smell the aroma apple pie.

Frostulus turned back to her and Romulus and held his hands out in a “see what I mean?” gesture, causing the both of them to chuckle. Clawdeen could very well sympathize with Rhea’s logic and definitely see where she was coming from, as she was a bit of the same way: she had a certain way of doing things, and even though it was nice to have a helping hand, having things done differently than the way you did them could be so stressful, you just wanted to do it on your own even if it was more on your plate.

“Say, let me get the two of you a drink,” Frostulus said as he stood up from his stool and headed over to the bar. He looked back and forth between Romulus and Clawdeen as he pulled out a bottle of red wine and held it out for them to see.

“How about we share a glass? Rhea and I just got this new merlot for half off,” he said, “It’s pretty tart, but the consistency’s nice and rich.”

Immediately, Clawdeen felt her senses go into fight or flight mode. _Fuck,_ she thought.

“Um, I, uh, actually won’t have any,” she said, “I’m, uh, the designated driver tonight.”

“That’s fine, it’ll only be one glass,” Rhea said, “I mean, we won’t be eating for another two hours or so. That should give you plenty of time to enjoy it and sober up before then.”

It took great effort for Clawdeen to not clench her fists. She could feel Romulus looking at her out of his peripheral, knowing that he was probably thinking the same thing she was.

Just her fucking luck. Barely in the door for five minutes, and already she was at risk of exposing herself right in front of her in-laws. Why did _everything_ always have to feel like it came with an extra challenge?

“No thanks,” she insisted, “I’m just, uh, not in the mood for wine tonight.”

“Okay, how about a gin and tonic?” Frostulus ask, lightly touching a bottle of club soda near his elbow, “Or I could make you an apple sour? Or whatever cocktail you’re in the mood for...”

“I’m not really in the mood for any alcohol in general,” Clawdeen said, starting to feel a little defensive. Goddamn, was she not allowed to not want something sometimes? Sometimes she didn’t feel like drinking, that was all.

To her relief, though, Frostulus didn’t press the issue. He just nodded and set down the wine. “Okay, dear, that’s absolutely fine,” he said, “Could I get you a Coke, then? Or a Spirit Sprite?”

He bent his head slightly and gave her a playful look. He added, “Or, if you’re feeling really adventurous, we just got some sparkling grape juice for the kids. You know, let them get a bit wild tonight themselves.”

Clawdeen giggled, “Coke will be fine.”

Frostulus hurriedly got their drinks together. He poured three glasses of wine for him, Rhea, and Romulus, while he fished out a can of cola from the mini-fridge next to the bar and poured it into a glass of ice with her. Clawdeen took it gratefully and her and Romulus each took a seat at one of the stools at the counter, joining Frostulus as he took a seat across from them. Meanwhile, Rhea went back and forth in the kitchen as she continued cooking up all the dishes she had in mind for the evening.

As the fizzy soda touched her lips, Clawdeen couldn’t help but sigh. There was one disaster that had been avoided.

She felt a hand on her thigh, and looked up to see Romulus staring at her from over the top of his wine glass as he took a sip. He gave her leg a gentle squeeze.

_Calm down. You’re so anxious,_ he seemed to be communicating to her. Clawdeen furrowed her brows and frowned. 

_ I can’t help it,  _ her gaze read. She raised her brows and gestured to Frostulus and Rhea,  _ We just got here and already  I’m getting put on the spot!  _

Romulus just smiled at her. He looked down and took her hand in his, before her brought it up to his mouth to kiss her knuckles. Clawdeen smiled affectionately at him.

She tried telling herself that he was right. It was only an innocuous question Frostulus had; neither him nor Rhea showed any suspicions towards her, they were just trying to help her feel better in case she wanted to drink. No need to get so riled up when they hadn’t  been trying to be malicious. 

Still, though, she couldn’t shake the heavy feeling that her little secret was giving her. Letting out a breath, she took another sip of her drink and looked out the window.

Right now, she could only hope that the rest of the evening would go by without any  further complications. 

It was only Fangsgiving, but right now she was feeling like she could really use an early Cryptmas miracle.

* * *

Luckily, for the next few hours, there was no other  mishaps that came that made Clawdeen feel like  she needed to find some quick-time excuse for why she couldn’t perform a regular behavior that she’d done in previous years.  As the time passed, Rhea finished cooking and went upstairs to get ready, while Frostulus kept her and Romulus company as gradually, more and more of their family started to come in. 

Finally, it reached five o’clock,  when the food was all ready to be served and everyone was gathered around, waiting to feast. 

“ Attention, everyone! ” Rhea announced, gesturing for everyone to look at her from where she was standing near the counter, her glass of champagne raised high in her hand, “ I know everyone’s probably having a good time getting drunk, but I hoped you saved enough room for some food, cuz dinner is served!” 

Everyone gave a brief cheer of excitement and started  heading for the massive table, which had been pulled out of the garage in order to sit everyone. Romulus and Clawdeen, who had been chatting with the former’s aunt, both turned and got up from their seats; Romulus helped Clawdeen up and they gathered their drinks to take their seats, the two of them sitting at th e right end corner, with Frostulus at the head piece. 

“All right, everyone. If nobody has anything to say prior,” Frostulus said as he looked to either side at his family, “Everyone dig in!”

Clawdeen looked upon the food, feeling her stomach rumble at all the dishes that had been laid out. In a complete one-eighty from earlier, instead of nausea, now the smell of food made her feel like she was practically starving. She licked her lips in delight as her eyes roamed all the staple pieces of Fangsgiving dinner- carved turkey, marshmallow fruit salad,  venison, thick gravy- all the workings. 

As everyone started grabbing their helpings and passing around dishes, she didn’t hesitate to grab nearly every and any dish that came her way and help herself to a portion of it. Before long, her plate was piled high with a bit of everything. Clawdeen grabbed her fork and spoon and began to eat; as she chewed, she closed her eyes and moaned with delight. Right now, it tasted like heaven to her.

She shoveled spoonful after spoonful into her mouth, sometimes mixing everything together in order to create a delicious concoction of flavors. Before she knew it, she had completely cleared her plate and completely helped herself to seconds.

“ ’Dosia, could you pass me the ham?” she asked as she finished a mouthful of  corn, “And the cranberry sauce?” 

Fearodosia, Romulus’s stepped sister, looked at her in surprise at her request. She looked down at the she-wolf’s plate, her brows raising at what she swore was her third helping of  food. Out of everyone, Clawdeen had to have eaten the most already, which was saying something, considering her small stature when compared to the rest of the guys. 

“Since when have you liked cranberry sauce?” she asked, one brow furrowing skeptically, “That’s always been, like, the number one thing you pass on every howliday.”

She took the glass dish and handed it to Clawdeen anyway, who shrugged  as she spooned a rather large amount onto her plate. 

“I don’t know, I’ve just really been craving it tonight,” Clawdeen said through a mouthful of sauce as she scooped some up with her spoon and  took a bite, “It’s just so rich and tart, I just love it now!

“Especially when you pair it with the stuffing!” she exclaimed, spooning out some of the aforementioned stuffing onto the middle of her plate and mixing with some of the cranberry sauce,  before she took a bite of the mixture, “It has a nice little kick to it!” 

Fearodosia just grimaced at her, her face wrinkling up in an expression of  disgust. “Yuck, no thanks,” she said, looking a bit green  in the face as she looked at the unusual combination. 

Her and Rom’s older sister, Blanche, smiled in understanding at Clawdeen. She said, “Hey, she can’t  help what she finds appetizing.  Your body makes you do weird things, like when you’re iron deficient and stuff; it make s you like crazy things  and find the weirdest smells seem like the newest  perfume.” 

She chuckled, “It was even worse when I was pregnant. It’s like the baby is demanding you feed it, no matter how gross it may sound.”

Clawdeen choked on her glass of water, nearly spilling it all over the table cough. She set it down as she began to cough at the feeling of it going down the wrong tube. Romulus turned and gently rubbed her back, trying to get her to calm down.  Everyone stopped eating and looked at her, concerned for her. 

She stared at Blanche over her fist fearfully, as if the  white wolf had just spilled her dirtiest laundry in front of everyone. She had hit the nail right on the head, and hadn’t even realized it. 

Of course she started having pregnancy cravings today, of all days.  _ Of course _ , she would. 

“Well, I’m sure Mom is certainly glad to see how much you’re enjoying the food this year, Deen, no matter how unconventional your combos are,” Rom’s younger brother Frekeric joked, “Just make sure you leave enough so we can have some leftovers tomorrow, okay?”

Clawdeen felt her cheeks burn with embarrassment. She had suddenly lost her appetite. Romulus furrowed his brows at his brother and frowned.

“Leave her alone,” he said sternly, “You’re the one who always eating like a damn pig.”

“Not to mention, it’s rude to comment on someone’s eating habits,” Rhea said in agreement, sending her younger son a small glare.

She turned back to Clawdeen with a smile, “ Go ahead and get as much as you like, Deenie. There’s plenty to go around.” 

“ Thanks,” Clawdeen commented in a small voice, though the urge to eat had since left her. She looked down at her plate solemnly now,  half-heartedly pushing around the pieces she  still had to go. 

She took a bite, but now she found she couldn’t really muster up any of the excitement she had initially felt. Now, it all just tasted bland to her. 

Rom’s hand came under the table to grasp her knee and give it a squeeze. She didn’t look at him, but she slid her under to lay it on top of his. Everyone was going about their business again, engaging in conversations as they ate and getting more servings,  oblivious to the inner conflict the two of them were going through. 

Clawdeen suddenly felt eyes on her, and Frostulus suddenly spoke up, “You two sure you’re okay?” 

Her and Romulus looked up to see the bespectacled wolf giving them both a worried look as he glanced between them.

“You two seem really on edge, all of a sudden,” he pointed out, “ Don’t mind Frekeric and them. He puts his foot in his mouth so many times that I’m surprised his ankles aren’t covered in teeth marks.” 

His mustache wriggle as he gave a small, humorous grin, “And he has no room to talk about eating too much. If he had his way, he would’ve eaten all the rolls before we could even put them out.” 

Clawdeen gave him a small half-smile, “I-It’s nothing, really. I’m fine, really.” 

She appreciated his concern, but it was hard to find reassurance when he had no idea just how complicated or dire the situation was. She could only count herself thankful that today was a day for everyone being infamous for chowing down and eating thrice their body weight, or else she probably would’ve had to-

Her thoughts were interrupted as her nose suddenly caught  onto the scent of hops. Down at the other end of the table, Rom’s uncle had come up from the garage with two beers for him and his wife, and they were currently opening them with a bottle opener. 

In a matter of seconds, Clawdeen’s stomach flipped. Her eyes widened as she felt a stirring at the back of her throat. This time, when her mouth watered, it wasn’t out of  desire to eat. 

“O-O-Oh god,” she muttered, grabbing her napkin to cover her mouth as she shot up from her seat. 

All around her, her in-laws paused and looked up at with surprise at her sudden rapid movement. 

“Are you okay?” Rhea asked from the other head of the table,  her brows furrowing with concern as she caught the panicked look in the younger werewolf’s eyes. 

“Y-Yeah, I just gotta,” Clawdeen said, holding her hand to her mouth as she turned and started making her way around the table, “I have to- O-Oh no...” 

Aunts, uncles, and cousins pushed in their chairs to allow her past them as she suddenly bolted from her chair and hurried out of the dining room, running down to the end of the hallway where the bathroom was. 

“Clawdeen!” Romulus shouted after her. 

She ignored him as she grabbed madly for the door handle, slamming it down and shoving the bathroom door open and bursting into it. She barely had enough time to slam it shut and lift the toilet seat up before she felt everything she had eaten  come back up in a rush,  and bent over as she vomited again. The sounds of her gagging and coughing filled the bathroom. 

When it felt like her stomach was no longer about to come right out of her mouth, Clawdeen, breathing heavily, leaned away and flushed. She could feel saliva trailing down her lips and chin, while her eyes had watered and made a few streaks run down her cheeks. She grabbed some toilet paper and wiped away the mess, before she turned to the sink. 

Sure enough, her mascara and eyeliner was smeared and some of her lipstick had come off on the toilet paper. Clawdeen looked down at her dress and sniffed; she grimaced as she realized the smell of vomit now lingered on her clothes. 

Gathering back her hair, she turned the faucet on and bent over it to get a few gulps of water. She then wiped her mouth and grabbed a few tissues from the counter to wipe away her smeared makeup, before she washed her hands. As she dried them off, she looked back in the mirror. 

Great. Not even five minutes later, and already another scene had erupted with her. If this wasn’t a dead giveaway to the family…

“ _ S-She’s a little sick,”  _ she could hear Romulus  try to tell them, “ _ She’s had a bit of a stomach bug.  _ _ She’s gotten better, but she’s still getting over it...”  _

“ _Let me go get her something,”_ Rhea spoke up. A second later, Clawdeen heard her chair scrape against the floor, “ _ I should still have  _ _ some supplements _ _ in there that could help her...” _

“ _Wait, Mom…”_

His pleas went ignored, as Clawdeen could then hear her heels clacking on the hardwood floor, before there was a knock at the door. 

“ _ Clawdeen?”  _ Rhea called, “ _ You okay in there?” _

Clawdeen smoothed down her dress- she tried not to focus on the slight roundness near her stomach that she felt as she did so- and opened the door for her. Rhea stood there, her brows furrowed in concern as she looked into her eyes. 

“Are you all right?” she asked, stepping into the bathroom, “Rom says you’ve had a bit of a bug lately.” 

“Um, y-yeah,” Clawdeen said, allowing her to close the door after her, “I thought I  had gotten over but, uh... I guess I still have a few pangs.” 

Rhea nodded and headed over to the shelf that stood by the shower. She bent down and pulled out one of the containers resting on it and began to rifle through it. 

“Not to worry,” she said, “Here, I have some Vitamin B supplements that should help settle it.” 

She pulled out a dark brown plastic bottle of chunky looking pills and opened the cap, shaking a few out onto her palm. She turned and held them out to Clawdeen, depositing them in her  hand. 

“Thanks,” Clawdeen said, popping the pills in her mouth and turning back to the sink to wash them down. 

As she bent over, Rhea watched her for a few minutes. Her lips pursed together as if in thought; she crossed her arms and leaned back against the door,  shifting her weight to cross one ankle over the other. 

“You know, ginger can also help relieve it, too, if you need it,” she added, “That always helped me whenever I was having the kids.” 

Clawdeen shot up, her back straight as a pin, and stared at her in shock through the mirror. Rhea raised a brow, seemingly not all that shocked to  see that was the latter’s reaction. 

“How did you…?” Clawdeen asked. 

Rhea smirked and pushed herself off the door, “Honey, I’m a nurse, and a mom. I deliver babies on the regular. You don’t think I haven’t been around enough women, and gone through it plenty of times myself, to not recognize when it’s illness versus morning sickness?” 

Clawdeen didn’t reply. She just continued staring at the older woman, clearly caught off guard by her knowledge. Rhea gave her a sympathizing smile and touched her arm. 

“I also know you have your reasons for not wanting to indulge everyone on the news,” she said softly, “I don’t have to be a nurse to know that, especially considering with what happened earlier in the year...” 

At the mention of what happened her last pregnancy, Clawdeen felt her eyes water. She looked at Rhea with a pleading expression. 

“We...I’m not ready for anyone to know yet,” she whispered, “It’s too soon . I don’t want to get my hopes up...” 

“I understand, and I promise, I won’t say a word,” Rhea replied back in a low voice, “But just know, I’m here for Rom and you if does. Anything that happens from now on, don’t be afraid to come to me. I’ve been there for plenty of my patients when they’ve gone through similar losses, and you won’t be any different.” 

S he moved to gently grip Clawdeen by the elbows, “I’ll be there to pick up the pieces. We all will, even if you don’t want everyone to know,” she added, “No matter what you decide, I’m here for you, kiddo. I love you.” 

It was so validating to hear someone tell her that it was okay, what she was doing. No criticism about feeling sad that she couldn’t be trusted, or how Rhea felt upset that she wasn’t being told the truth, or anything that made her feel like her decisions were wrong. Here was her mother-in-law telling her, in fact, that that she understood why she was doing it, and that she wasn’t going to tell anyone even though she figured it out. 

Clawdeen felt like she could almost cry, with how alleviation she actually felt. Too many times, she had dealt with having to feel like  her pain was being minimized or that everyone else’s feelings mattered more than her own, even though _ she  _ was the one having to bear the brunt of  the hardship (considering, you know, it was  _ her  _ life and  _ her  _ experiences). So it was quite refreshing to hear Rhea tell her that she knew, but that she showed no sign of  judgment over not being told directly. 

“Thank you,” she said, “I just...” 

She swallowed hard, “I’m scared.” 

Rhea nodded, “It’s okay to be. It’s a scary experience. But you won’t have to do it alone.” 

She took her by the shoulders and drew the younger wolf in for a hug. Clawdeen smiled and returned it. 

This was another reason to be thankful this day, she thought. She found herself so lucky to have now not one, but two families who would always be there to lend a shoulder for her to cry on,  or a joke for her to laugh at, or a hug to share in her excitement. 

In spite of all her past pain, she could take comfort in knowing that through it all- whether it was her in-laws, her husband, or her parents and siblings- she’d always have a family to run to. 


	5. Chapter 4: Not So Holly Jolly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: End of chapter contains implicit sexual content.

“I still don’t know how I let you talk me into this,” Clawdeen said, leaning forward to apply one last swipe of mascara onto her lashes.

Romulus smiled in her direction as he put his watch on. “Because it’s the howlidays and it’s a party? Plus, we made a deal since I let you drag me to that exhibition last year.” 

Clawdeen turned away from the mirror to shoot him a look over her shoulder. She said, “You don’t have to put it like that- you make it sound like I handcuffed you to the chair for the fashion show.”

“You might as well, considering some of those trainwrecks I had to sit through,” Romulus replied, “I just don’t get how you can have some ghoul walk across the stage with her butt and her boobs nearly hanging out with what’s just a piece of fabric around her waist and call it ‘avant garde’ or some bullshit like that.” 

That got him a snort from Clawdeen, who threw a hand up to her mouth as she cackled. “That  _was_ bad,” she agreed, “I felt so bad for her. She had to have been freezing up there.” 

They both chuckled at the memory of some of the designs they’d seen on the models when he’d gone with her to a work convention the year prior.

Now finished with her makeup, Clawdeen screwed the wand cap onto her mascara tube and deposited it back into the drawer where she kept the rest of her eye makeup on her vanity. She checked in the mirror for any last minute flaws she’d missed, before she stood up and fixed the hem of her dress.

“Okay,” she said, letting out a breath, “I think I’m all ready. How about you?” 

Romulus smoothed down his jacket and looked up at her. She saw something flash through his eyes, and he smiled warmly as he took in the sight of her.

“ _Wow,”_ he exclaimed, “Makes me feel like I’m heading to the Oscars.” 

“Thank you,” Clawdeen said with a small blush. She didn’t really have any Cryptmas attire that seemed appropriate for the party that his colleagues were putting on, so she decided to go with her favorite dress at the moment- a gold sequin one with long sleeves that went down to mid thigh- and a pair of champagne-colored pumps. For accessories, she’d gone with a simple pair of gold hoops and a diamond necklace.

She looked down Romulus’s front, smiling with satisfaction as she reached out to smooth down his shirt. He cut a fine figure in his black suit and crisp white dress shirt, and she could smell that he’d put on the cologne that she bought him for his birthday.

“You don’t look so bad yourself,” she said.

“Gee, that’s it?” Romulus asked, putting a hand to his chest in fake offense, “And here I thought you’d appreciate the effort I put in.” 

“And I did,” Clawdeen said, “Don’t make me take it all back.”

He just giggled at her and leaned in to kiss her cheek, before he swiped his wallet and cellphone off his nightstand and started heading for the door.

“Let’s get going,” he said, “I’ll get the car started.”

“I’ll be down in a second,” Clawdeen said. As he left the room, she turned back to her vanity chair to gather up her things. For tonight, she’d chosen to take her small gold clutch purse, as it went the best with her dress. 

She put her wallet, phone, and an extra tube of lipstick in it, in case she needed a touch up. She was about to turn and follow Rom downstairs, when she suddenly stopped as her eye caught something in her full length mirror.

She raised her head and paused, looking into her reflection. Slowly, her eyes trailed downward to her abdomen.

It was still small, but there was a definite slope to her stomach now. Her dress was always form-fitting, but now she could really feel where it’d grown tighter in her bust and abdominal area.

Biting her lip, Clawdeen turned so that her profile was full facing, her eyes still focused on her stomach.

_There you are,_ she thought.  She was twelve weeks now; which meant, according to Viveka, the baby was roughly the size of a lime. It also meant that now, her symptoms were roughly in full force- morning sickness, sore boobs, tiredness. 

Which also meant it was getting harder and harder to hide it from her coworkers. They all, at least, seemed to think she was probably  just going through the confines of a cold , now that flu season was in motion, but it didn’t make it any less embarrassing when she almost dozed off in the middle of a meeting or had to rush to all the way from the offices to upchuck her breakfast because now, apparently anything with even the slightest smell sent her stomach rolling. 

(She also  discovered that she had already  gained five pounds, which just...wasn’t fair ). 

Clawdeen shook her head at the thought. Her hand came up and traced the curve of her dress, feeling the now pudgy skin underneath.

It was hard. There was a part of her that wanted to be excited, that wanted to be hopeful- she couldn’t help herself. She wanted to be optimistic that  _this one_ wouldn’t turn out like the others. But the doubt was always there, warning her, telling her to remain cautious. That way, if (when) the inevitable freight train hit her, she at least could be prepared for the blow. 

“ _Clawdeen?”_ she heard Romulus call to her from the bottom of the stairs, “ _You ready?”_

Snapping out of it, Clawdeen broke her gaze away from the mirror and turned to the open door.

“Yeah,” she called out, “Just needed to check something.”

She held her clutch in her right hand as she guided herself down the stairs. As she made her way to the front hall, she gave Romulus a word of thanks as he handed her her coat, with him already dressed in his. They both put on their gloves, before she slid her hand in his and they stepped out of the house to head to their car.

It would be all right, she told herself. It was just a Cryptmas party. What could go so wrong?

* * *

“Oh, those poor souls,” Clawdeen commented as she looked out at one of the buildings across the walkway, “Am I glad I’m out of their position.”

Romulus looked at her curiously and followed her gaze. He chuckled when he saw that she spotted some students who were still studying in the campus library, despite it being late in the hour.

“Can you tell its finals week?” he joked.

He led the both of them to a large brick building to their right. It was four stories tall and had a small flight up stairs leading up to its main doors. In the small little garden in front of it, a large sign read _Goreman Hall_ that was illuminated with small lights at the bottom. This building was the one where most of the history and literature classes for the university were taught.

Romulus dug into his pocket and pulled out his keycard. He pressed it against the card-reader on the wall. The light on it flashed green and there was a click, before he reached out and pulled the door open, standing aside to make way for Clawdeen.

“After you, m’lady,” he said, gesturing for the doorway.

Clawdeen replied, “Oh, thank you.”

With the hour, the hallways of the building were empty, making the echoing sounds of her heels as they clacked on the tile sound amplified. It was a little bit creepy, Clawdeen thought; with the quietness and the fact that the only lighting were the small little ones on the ceiling, instead of the usual big panels of fluorescent lights, it looked somewhat like the set-up for a jump scare scene in a horror movie.

“Ugh, this brings me back to university,” she said, looking around at the display cases, “I can already feel the stress that I did having to run halfway across campus to try and make my French midterm on time because my photography professor somehow fell a full ten minutes behind on his presentation.”

Romulus grinned and slid his arm around her waist. “Well don’t worry,” he said, “The only test you’ll have to face here is how many kids can you stand running around and screaming before you suddenly ‘remember’ you have a phone conference early in the morning.”

Clawdeen gave him a look, “Considering I had to deal with sextuplets from the time I was in second grade onward, I think I know what to expect by now.”

They passed by the classrooms and the elevator towards the back, where the faculty lounge resided. The lights were on inside and peaked out from under the door.

“My main concern is how many of them are drunk already,” Clawdeen whispered as Romulus bent forward to grasp the door handle.

He looked back at her with an eyebrow raised. “With how this semester has gone?” he stated, “Probably at _least_ four of them.”

Opening the door to the lounge, they were greeted with the soft sounds of Cryptmas musing playing on a radio that’d been set up on one of the shelves near the window, while a combination of hand-made and store bought decorations hung from the walls. About ten or so guests had already arrived and they were all currently chatting with each other as they ate finger foods that’d been set out on the table and drank some wine that had been brought in.

The first person to notice them was Skelita, who turned at the sound of the door opening. Her eyes brightened as they landed on the werewolves and she turned to walk to them.

“Clawdeen! Romulus, ¡ _Hola_!” she greeted, “It’s so nice to see you! Happy Howlidays!”

“It’s great to see you again, too,” Clawdeen replied with a smile as she brought the skeleton in for a hug.

As the professor of indigenous Latin American history, Skelita was someone she actually got to see her more often on a regular basis compared to some of her other distant friends from school, since her and Romulus worked in the same department, though lately the hecticness of the howliday season meant they saw each other less recently.

It was always a welcome sight to see a familiar face, though, and as Clawdeen pulled back, she held Skelita’s hands as she observed her clothing.

“You look great!” she complimented. With her black dress that was decorated with flowers and butterflies with blue trim, her traditional Aztec jewelry, and a big blue flower pin that rested in the part of her crimped black hair, Skelita looked very well like someone who’d just walked out of a Latin pop music video.

“ _Gracias_ ,” Skelita told her, “Please, come on, make yourselves comfortable! We’re all just chatting for now! Would you like anything to drink?”

She gestured to where they kept the beverages. There was an ice bucket on the table that had bottles of champagne and wine set in it, while a cooler was set beside the table near the wall, open to reveal a variety of juice boxes and soft drinks floating within it.

“I think I’ll just have a pop for now,” Clawdeen said, reaching over to grab a Sprite, “Don’t want to get too crazy right away, you know?”

“I’ll have some chardonnay,” Romulus said, grabbing a glass.

“Of course,” Skelita said, holding her own cup of cider up at them.

One of Rom’s colleagues, a sea monster with green skin, came up to them. “You know, if you do feel like getting a little crazy, we have some sparkling grape juice for later,” he joked with Clawdeen, “You know, let the kids be party animals for a while.”

Clawdeen smirked at him, “I’ll definitely keep that in mind.”

She shook his hand as he held it out for her. He said, “I’m Killian, I’m the Advanced Lit teacher. You must be Clawdeen.”

“That I am,” Clawdeen replied.

“Rom’s told us a lot about you,” Killian said, “You work for Freakarrific Apparel, right?”

“Yep,” she said, “That would be me.”

Killian grinned, exposing the rows of sharp teeth that filled his mouth. He laughed, “Oh boy, my wife is going to _love_ you. I swear, her whole wardrobe is filled with nothing but your guys’ stuff. She browses your catalogs every season like her life depends on it.”

“Are you complaining about me to anyone who will listen?” a voice asked from behind.

The two of them turned to see a sasquatch coming up to them. Her long curly brown hair was tied up with a pink bow, and she wore a white dress that was patterned with cardinals and acorns and matching red heels. She held a toddler boy who looked like a mix between herself and Killian on her hip as she approached.

Killian just smiled and turned to put his hand over her shoulders, bringing her in as he replied, “Only that you  are determined to bankrupt us trying to stay in style.” 

He looked back at Clawdeen and smiled as he gestured to the sasquatch. “Clawdeen, this is my wife Apellonia. Lonie, this is Rom’s wife, Clawdeen. You know, the one whose designs you like spending your paycheck on.”

“Oh, stop,” Apellonia replied, lightly smacking him on the chest, before she turned to Clawdeen with a smile, “He loves to exaggerate. A ghoul can’t help it if she finally finds her dream pants in the right size and color for only fifty percent of the price, can she? It’s something you’d only ever find in your dreams!” 

“Can’t say I can blame you,” Clawdeen joked, “I know I definitely drew my mom and dad crazy when I’d blow through my entire allowance once the Skelly Gaga collection came on sale for TJ Wrexx.” 

Apellonia beamed, happy that Clawdeen had been on her side. She turned back to Killian and helped her nose up at him. “ See?” she asked in a haughty tone, “ _She_ gets it.” 

Killian just rolled his eyes. “Oh please, Clawdeen,  _don’t_ encourage her.” 

“Hush,” Apellonia told him, “I do very much love your brand, though. You guys honestly have done so much for us ghouls who don’t all look like the skinny-binny models in the music videos. You’re probably the first brand that I found that actually has _all_ sizes for these big ol’ feet of mine.” 

She held her leg out and gestured to it at the comment. Clawdeen glanced down; she was quite short for a sasquatch, but her legs were quite well defined, and of course she had the typical giant feet that her species was known for. Lo and behold, she could see Freakarrific Apparel’s logo embossed on the back of the red strap heels that Apelonia currently wore.

“Well, I’m glad to hear that,” she replied, giving Apellonia an earnest smile, “We strive to make fashion and accessories available to everyone, regardless of income or size. A lot of people think, for some reason, if you can’t afford Boocci, then you need to settle for drab gray all the time.” 

Apellonia’s eyes widened. “Right?!” she exclaimed, “What’s up with that?! Like, what, I don’t make six figures, so suddenly I can’t be cute?!”

Clawdeen couldn’t help but giggle at the exasperated way the sasquatch rolled her eyes. Her attention became slightly diverted as she noticed the little boy in Apellonia’s arms was looking at her, his cheek pressed against his mother’s shoulder.

“And who is this precious one?” she asked, gesturing to him.

Apellonia beamed and turned so that the boy was a bit more in front. She noticed the way he was bashfully staring up at Clawdeen from under his shaggy bangs and lightly bounced him on his hip.

“Can you say hi?” she asked.

The little boy just made a noise and turned away from Clawdeen. He buried his face in the crook of Apellonia’s neck.

“Oh, come on, don’t be shy,” she said softly, “Say hi to Miss Clawdeen!”

The little boy just shook his head and made a small noise as he buried his face further into her neck, like he wanted to just disappear. Apellonia shook her head, though she was smiling, and looked back at Clawdeen.

“This is Seasar,” she introduced, “Sorry, he’s usually not this quiet. He’s normally much more open than this and can talk your ear off.”

“It’s all right,” Clawdeen said, “I’m sure he’ll warm up in time.” 

She gave Seasar a smile, “I promise, I don’t bite like the stories tell.”

“And hey, at least yours is being quiet,” a third voice spoke up, “I can hardly get mine to sit still for five seconds tonight.”

Clawdeen and Apellonia turned  to see a  kitsune woman approaching them. She had her long orange and white hair done up in a long braid, and she was rubbing her swollen stomach under the fabric of her green sweater dress as she held a small plastic cup of fruit punch in the other. 

The sight of the woman’s pregnant stomach made a pang of jealousy go through Clawdeen. She shoved that feeling to the back of her mind and growled at it to stay there.

“You’re Clawdeen, right? Rom’s wife?” the kitsune asked, extending her hand, “Hi. Dr. Vulpis Red, Old World Monster Art and Artifacts.”

“Clawdeen, uh, dresses extraordinaire,” Clawdeen joked. She looked down at the doctor’s stomach, “I’m going to assume by your last comment this one’s not your first.”

“Oh, heavens no,” Vulpis answered, “This is actually baby number five. I was referring to my little troublemakers over there-” 

She turned and pointed over to the right. By one corner of the room, Clawdeen could see a pair of twin kits sitting at one of the tables, the two of them working together to color in a picture in a coloring book. An older woman sat watching them; like Vulpis, she was a kitsune, though her fur was  bright white. 

“It’s a miracle, isn’t it?” Vulpis joked, turning back to them, “They’re actually quiet for once. Before you and Romulus got here, they were running all over the place, trying to sneak candy and cookies, and constantly bumping into people.”

She made a face and rolled her  eyes. “It  _would_ have maybe been a little easier if my wife and I had some help, but my thirteen year old has decided she’s ‘too cool’ for Cryptmas parties with boring old adults now.” 

“I wish I could say she’d come around, but honestly I admit, I was the same way when I was younger with my parents,” Clawdeen chuckled.

Apellonia gave her a curious look.

“What about you?” she asked, “You and Rom think of starting a litter of your own?” 

_Why does everyone always ask that damn question like it’s any of their business?_ Was the first thing that came to Clawdeen’s mind as she stared at the sasquatch, trying not to let her expression crack to show how hard the question  hit her. She could feel her hackles bristle on the back of her neck and her muscles went stiff. 

Everyone always asked it like it was the easiest fucking thing in the world. Like it was just a matter of not letting it happen or not thinking about it. She was getting really tired of being put on the spot like this.

All of that frustration, though, she kept to herself, and quickly found something to distract her to try and keep from looking at Apellonia. She turned her gaze to the  old globe in the corner of the room like she was interested in it as she let out a shrug, trying to give off the vibe she was unbothered. 

“Um, I mean, we’ve thought about it,” she answered, “We were, uh, thinking of just seeing how things would go. If it happens, then that’s great. If it doesn’t, you know, um...that’d also be great.”

It wasn’t a complete lie. That was what they had agreed to when the topic of children came up. Even so, though, she was quickly hoping for a change of topic.

“Oh,” Apellonia answered, seemingly satisfied with her response. She gave a shrug of her own, “Well, either way, I’m sure you two will be happy.” 

In her arms, Seasar suddenly stirred and made a whining sound. He raised his head from Apellonia’s shoulder to look up at her with a pout and tugged at her necklace.

“Mama, hungry,” he said, “Hungry!”

“It’s _I’m hungry,”_ Apellonia corrected, “And okay, okay! Stop pulling on me, I’m not a bell! We’ll get a snack in a second!” 

“Hungry!” Seasar just repeated, squirming in her hold like he was trying to get down.

Apellonia rolled her eyes and adjusted her grip on him, before she turned to Clawdeen and Vulpis with an apologetic expression.

“Pardon me, ladies, it seems that I need to attend to some business at the sandwich platter,” she said with slight annoyance as she turned and starting heading for the tables where the food had been set out. As she walked away, they could hear her telling Seasar that he was a big boy and needed to use his words completely. 

Vulpis looked to Clawdeen and nodded. “I better get back to my own skulk,” she said, “ It looks like they’re starting to get a little rowdy.” 

As if on point, over by where her wife and twins were, they suddenly heard a loud cry of protest. Everyone turned their heads to see one of the twins was now starting to try and climb out of her seat, Vulpis’s wife scolding her in a low voice as she forced the little ghoul to turn around and sit down properly; this only invoked the young kit’s wrath, as she let out a louder scream and began to wave her arms up and down in protest. Her brother smiled smugly at the scene as he slowly slid the coloring book all the way in front of him, clearly enjoying his sister being the one to be in trouble and being able to steal what they were meant to share for himself. 

“Good luck,” Clawdeen joked, giving a small smile, “If you’re lucky, those students I saw pulling all-nighters will probably be able to hear the tantrum from all the way in their dorm rooms.” 

“I know, right? What a great thing for my students to hold over my head without even knowing it,” Vulpis said with a fake pained expression, before she sighed and waddled over to help her wife quell the grumpy child.

Clawdeen watched her back as she went, before she turned her gaze back to where Apellonia now had her son standing at her side and was helping him gather up some crackers, cheese, and  grapes from the platters on a plate. 

As she watched them, she felt her expression slowly drop, until she was slightly frowning. She watched them interact with their children, watched as Apellonia giggled with Seasar and told him a little joke, or how Vulpis rubbed her swollen belly  affectionately as she and her wife managed to calm their daughter down. 

She couldn’t help but clench her fists as she thought back to their topic of conversation three seconds ago.  She felt humiliated by Apellonia’s question. 

Another hit to her soul, with the person not even knowing that they had done it. Why did every fucking conversation lately lead back to it? It was like the universe was mocking her.

Sh e suddenly blinked as she felt a hand on her shoulder. She glanced to the side to find Romulus looking back at her, his brows furrowed in concern. 

“Are you all right?” he asked in a low voice, “You look like you were staring to space out.” 

“Um, yeah,” Clawdeen murmured back, “I just have a bit of a headache. I’m think I’m just getting a little too warm-” 

“Aw, there she is!” Killian suddenly exclaimed, coming up to them. He was looking over his shoulder at someone as he gestured for them to come over. He looked back at the two wolves with excitement. 

“Pardon the little surprise, but I was thinking tonight would be perfect for you guys to meet up again, before we all split off for winter break,” he stated, before he turned back to the direction he’d been looking at. 

“Wererica, over here! I have some people who I think you’d want to meet!” he called out excitedly. 

Confused at what he was talking about,  Romulus and Clawdeen craned their necks to look over them as they saw some of the other professors look in their direction, before they parted to let one person past them, who headed in their direction. 

Clawdeen felt her hackles raise as she realized who it was. 

It was Romulus’s  _ ex-girlfriend.  _

Killian wore a great big grin as he welcomed the she-wolf over. Wererica was beaming brightly as she approached the couple.  Clawdeen heard Romulus let out a surprised scoff. She looked up to see his eyes widened and him smiling in excitement. 

“Wererica?” he stated in disbelief, “Is that you? It’s been so long!” 

“Too long,” Wererica said with a great big smile as she brought the tall silver wolf in for a friendly hug. She pulled herself back and looked at him, “How have you been?”

“I’ve been doing great!” Romulus said, “Just been working, preparing for the howlidays. How about you?” 

“Aw, a little tired,” Wererica said with a shrug, “ My team just finished our last dig up in Scareru and I flew in last week. Thought I’d come visit the family while I had the team.” 

She turned to Clawdeen and her eyes lit up, as if she’d been the one she’d been wanting to see. 

“Clawdeen!” she exclaimed, holding her arms out, “It’s so nice to see you, too! Oh my god, you look so gorgeous!” 

She wrapped her arms around her and pulled her in, much to Clawdeen’s surprise. She held her arms out awkwardly for a few seconds, before she slowly returned the hug. 

“Thank you,” she said, “You...you look great, too.”

Wererica replied, “Aw, thanks! That means a lot- this is probably the first time in months I’ve gotten to dress up.”

Clawdeen had to admit, she looked beautiful;  her pale blue wrap dress went perfectly with her crystal blue eyes and her light grey fur. The hot pink that  she remembered  Wererica’s hair always being colored as had long since been washed out, allowing the silky  locks to cascade down her back in natural  their black color  in soft, loose ringlets, her silver highlights cascaded throughout like moonlit rivers in a dark fores t.

In spite of herself, Clawdeen couldn’t help but feel a small pang of wariness towards the gray she-wolf. Part of her was tempted to slide next to Romulus and put her arm around him as a way to send a silent reminder and warning to Wererica that he was  _ hers  _ now, but she resisted it. It was childish, she told herself. She had no right to put any judgment on Wererica, who was just here because she worked in the same field.  This was her job, she had every right to come like everyone else. 

“So what have you been up to?” Wererica asked, glancing between the two of them, “ Anything wild happen since I’ve been out of the loop?” 

“Na w, not really,” Romulus answered, “At least, not if you consider Salem’s terms of ‘wild.’ I’ve been working on my book, Clawdeen’s been doing a few new projects here and there.” 

“Oh, yeah, you had that mini-auction of all those DIY things you did earlier this year, right?” Wererica asked as she turned to Clawdeen, her eyes sparkling with excitement. 

“Um, y-yeah,” Clawdeen  said, surprised by the genuine  curiosity in the she-wolf’s eyes . 

“Some of my friends shared your posts on Frightbook, everything looked awesome,” Wererica complimented, “Especially that lampshade made from the broken glass and marbles, it was really clever! Gives me an idea of saving a trip to the furniture store.” 

Though she definitely still felt  a little weird casually talking to her husband’s ex-partner right here, Clawdeen had to give a smile at that. Though she had long since abandoned the DIY blog she’d set up when she was fifteen, her knack of creating accessories and cute little charms for herself out of random junk around her dad’s  shed or the house was still going strong. 

“ Don’t feed her ego too much,” Romulus joked, resting his hand on Clawdeen’s lower back, “She already steels enough of my hardware supplies as it is without feeling inspired to use up everything in our garage as is.” 

Clawdeen shot him an annoyed look. “Oh, shut up.” 

Wererica giggled at their little exchange. She gave Romulus an inquisitive look and asked, “So what’s your book about? Anyway I can probably get a sneak preview of its release?” 

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Romulus joked, “Well, the most I’ll tell you for now is it has to do with the first contact between indigenous monster groups to viking ones who came to the coast in around the eleventh century.” 

“Oooh, you’ve already got my attention,” Wererica said. 

They started discussing topics related to his book, which Clawdeen tried to follow along with, but quickly became lost. She wasn’t a history buff like either of them were, so all the names and dates thrown out were lost on her. 

She put a hand on Romulus’s arm to get his attention. “I’m going to get some water,” she told him. 

Romulus turned away from Wererica and smiled at her. He reached forward to kiss her cheek. 

“We’ll be right over here,” he said. 

Clawdeen gave him a nod. She gave a quick one to Wererica, who nodded back, before she left the two of them to continue their conversation as she made her way to the drink table. She grimaced and raised a hand to her temple; she had suddenly gotten a small sensation of vertigo and thought she needed some proper hydration. 

Some of the other professors toasted her with nods of their cups as she walked past them. Clawdeen waved at them, before she headed to the cooler. Much of the ice was melted at this point, and she hissed in discomfort as she felt the cold chill of the ice water as she moved aside cans of soda to try and find a bottle of water. It was so cold it sent a sharp pang into her wrist, like she’d just been jabbed with an icicle. 

She finally managed to find one that was slightly submerged under a big chunk of ice and removed it, shaking it out to get rid of the spare droplets that were dripping from it, before she grabbed a napkin and wiped it off. 

As she uncapped the bottle of water, Clawdeen turned back to the crowd, taking a second to observe everyone and what they were doing. 

For some reason, as she looked out onto the crowd, she felt as if there was something off. Something that stuck out about the scene that she couldn’t put her finger on. It made her frown; it was like when you had an itch that you couldn’t reach, or an annoying feeling in the back of your throat that you couldn’t get rid of. It was right there, but yet she just couldn’t figure it out. 

Near the back, the kids ran about.  The head of the history department’s daughters stood by the tree blowing bubbles, while  Seasar was playing a small game of tag with another boy. Clawdeen’s eyes followed them as they played. There was something about them that had to do with this feeling. 

She spared a quick glance at the rest of the adults, before looking back to the kids. 

Then, it hit her. 

Her and Romulus were the only ones here who didn’t have any children. 

A rock of dread dropped into her stomach. The realization hit her like someone had just slapped her in the face. 

Clawdeen looked at the kids once more. This time, though, her expression became forlorn. She felt her lip quiver and pursed them, though her expression quickly began to  falter . 

Everyone here was a parent. They had all babies that they could bring here to talk about and buy gifts for her and spoil and discipline and love with all their hearts. All of them got to know the rewards and difficulties of parenthood, the ups and downs that made it all worth it. 

Slowly, she turned her sight to the right. Romulus and Wererica were currently involved in a conversation, one that had the both of them grinning and laughing like they had just exchanged a joke between them. Clawdeen felt the dread in her grow the longer she stared. 

Wererica wa s beautiful, lithe and graceful.  Her and Clawdeen had never been particularly close when they were younger, and really only were acquaintances due to their packmate status, but Clawdeen knew she was bubbly and could hold her own in a fight. Neither of her parents were alphas, but she wasn’t afraid to step up and take charge if circumstances absolutely called for it, nor was she afraid to back down from a fight; the few times she did, she always came out on top. She didn’t mind being treated like a lady, but also could hold her own against the guys. She definitely had the qualities many werewolf men looked for a potential mate. 

Romulus embodied everything needed in an alpha. He was strong, in both the physical and mental sense, a fighter in both on the battlefield and in debate. He wasn’t afraid to take charge if he needed to and lead those who needed someone to guide them on the right path. He wasn’t one to back down from a fight and made it clear he wasn’t going to be put with anyone coming after him or his family. He took great pride in his species and fought in every sense to ensure the survival of their history and cultures  and to speak out against the injustices their people had faced throughout the centuries.

It was only appropriate that he be matched with a mate who could keep up with him. Someone who could match him in strength, who proved just as headstrong a warrior, but could also tend to his other needs and give him the love and support that everyone looked for in a partner. Someone who could give him children to take his place and lead the pack one day when he was no longer able to; strong, healthy pups that he could teach and guide to help lead and ensure the future of their pack and those who’d come after he was gone. With his age and status, he should’ve had quite a few children by now. 

And Clawdeen couldn’t even give him one. 

She felt the weight of that thought crash down upon her like a tidal wave, the blow paining her far worse than anything that silver or wolfsbane could inflict.  Her hands clenched her water bottle so tightly that the top bulged with the threat of spraying everywhere. 

Her eyes grew shiny as she watched her husband and Wererica continue to talk, both of them oblivious to the storm brewing inside her. 

She had turned thirty this year, and Romulus had turned thirty-two; it was unusual for their species, for them to be at such an age range yet still be childless, especially with Romulus being an alpha and Clawdeen being the daughter of one. Statistically, they should’ve had one kid at the very least, if not two. 

But they didn’t. 

She couldn’t give them to him. 

All she could give him were dead pups, gone before they could even so much as get a name or take their first breath of life. Her body couldn’t handle it , her uterus was too scarred and damaged from all its years of abuse and disease to be able to nurture such a fragile, delicate being. She was too weak. 

Clawdeen swallowed hard, feeling a lump in her throat. Her eyes began to sting. 

As she looked at where they continued to talk, her mind began to wander. She tried to keep herself from falling down the rabbit hole, but in the moment she lacked the strength to stop herself, though she was well aware that she was being unreasonable. 

Wererica had been Romulus’s first longterm girlfriend. They had broken up on mutual terms and thus remained very good friends, even after they went their separate ways. And Clawdeen knew, for a fact, from what she’d heard from other ghouls in the pack and the fearleading team, that they’d been sexually active while they were dating…

She was approaching dark, dangerous territory, but in her moment of weakness, there was nothing she could do to stop herself. 

There shouldn’t have been any worry. Romulus had always been a good, loyal man, and she knew he would never be unfaithful to her,  nor did Wererica seem like the type of person to pursue  a person that she knew was already involved with someone else. She had no reason to be distrustful or worried. 

Right now, though, as her walls came down and she fell apart,  she couldn’t keep the voices out of her head, the ones that told her that maybe, just  _maybe,_ she was wrong. 

Maybe  he realized he could do better. Maybe this meeting made him see that he had someone that wouldn’t drag him down, wouldn’t give him false promises and could only disappoint him. 

He wanted children, but yet he was stuck with Clawdeen, where nothing was guaranteed. With Wererica, though,  he could get the family he wanted. One without all the baggage. 

Clawdeen suddenly felt as is she couldn’t breathe. 

The lump in her throat had grown so big it almost hurt. Her vision grew blurry, and she knew she couldn’t take it anymore. 

She had just enough restraint to calmly set the bottle back down on the table and head towards the door.  It took all her might to not rush out of the room and cause a scene. 

She slid out into the dark hallway, and glanced up down to find the bathroom. As soon as she spotted the stick figure placard on the wall, she turned sharply on her heels and started speedwalking towards the women’s room; her shoes sounded harsh as every sound echoed in the hallway from the force of her movements. 

With how watery her eyes were, she could barely see. Clawdeen kept her head down, trying to control herself. 

As she felt the tears start to spill, though, she couldn’t hold it in any longer, and began to run to the bathroom.  Now, she was past caring  about  someone seeing her. 

She burst into the restroom and let the door swing behind her. She kept her gaze forward as she marched for the stall at the very end of the row and shoved her way in. Whirling around, she slammed it shut and put the lock into place, before she backed up and sat on the toilet. 

Now alone, Clawdeen buried her face in her hands as she finally allowed herself to fall apart and began to cry heavily. Her sobs echoed throughout the bathroom as all her grief and pain and doubt came to the surface. Her shoulders shook violently. Every whimper that escaped her sounded like a wounded animal. 

Times like this, she wondered what exactly she’d done to have had such a cruel fate bestowed onto her. 

What did she do wrong? Why couldn’t it ever just end? 

It was hard to tell how long she sat there bent over, her hair hanging down in her face and around her knees as she cried and cried- for herself, for her lost babies who’d she never get to see, for all the what-ifs in her mind that mocked her and teased her. She could only be grateful that the bathroom was all the way at the end of the hall, far enough away from the faculty lounge that even those who had advanced hearing would be unable to hear her. 

She had sat up slightly and was beginning to wipe at her eyes, when she suddenly heard the door swing open.

Clawdeen froze.  Her head shot up; she stared at the door to her stall like someone was about to burst through it at any second. 

Her gaze dropped the ground as she caught sight of  someone’s shadow. She went still. 

From under the stall door, she could see a pair of skeletal feet in blue pumps standing outside. 

“Clawdeen? Are you okay, _chica?”_ the person on the other end asked. It was Skelita. 

Sniffling, Clawdeen swallowed and wiped at the wetness on her cheeks. 

“Y-Y-Yeah, I’m fine,” she said. 

“Are you sure? You left the lounge in a bit of a hurry,” Skelita said. 

Why did everyone always have to push? Why couldn’t they just take her answer and leave it alone?

Biting back against a retort, Clawdeen grabbed some toilet paper from the holder and wiped at her nose and eyes. 

“I’m okay,” she insisted, “I’m just...not feeling too good.”

“Oh...okay,” Skelita said, “Do you want some ibuprofen or something? I might have some Tylenol in my purse...”

Clawdeen shook her head, though nobody could see her. “No thanks. I’m just...um, stuffed up. I think I might have a sinus infection starting.”

“Okay, if you say so,” Skelita replied, “Well, Romulus asked if I could check in on you. He was looking for you and he didn’t know where you’d gone.”

Clawdeen smiled bitterly at that. With the way she was feeling, he was both the first and the last person she wanted to see right now. “O-Okay. T-Thank you, then. I’m fine, though. I just needed some air.” 

On the other end, Skelita was silent for a second, like she was pondering saying something more. However, she just turned and said, “Okay,  _amiga_ . Let me know if you need anything, though, okay?”

“I...I will...” Clawdeen replied in a small voice. 

She stared at the floor under the stalls as she watched Skelita’s shoes walk back over to the door and leave, once again leaving her all alone in the bathroom. 

For a few more seconds, she waited there in silence, wringing the toilet paper in her hands as a few more tears escaped her and dripped onto the tile floor. She wiped at them with the back of her hand and cleaned her nose, before she finally stood up and adjusted her dress. 

Stepping out, she stood in front of the sink and stared into her reflection.  A weary, exhausted looking woman gazed back at her, with dull eyes that had deep lines about them. Her makeup was smudged beyond repair. 

Taking a deep breath, Clawdeen went up and washed her hands. She was dreading going back into that party. Any energy she’d been using to try and keep a straight face during it was now all used up, and she doubted that she’d be able to play pretend any longer. 

She didn’t even bother trying to make herself look presentable again as she left the bathroom and started back down the hallway. Outside the faculty lounge, she could see Romulus standing outside, now talking to Skelita. The latter gestured in Clawdeen’s direction. 

At the sound of her shoes, Romulus raised his head in her direction and started towards her. Clawdeen noticed Skelita give her a lingering look, before she slipped back into the lounge to leave the two of them alone. 

“Hey, I was wondering where you’d run off to!” Romulus started as he walked up to her, his lips pulled back in a smile, “Rachard’s wife brought cake and I was going to ask if you wanted anyway, but you weren’t there-” 

As he came closer, he saw the look in Clawdeen’s eyes. The smile dropped off his face immediately. He raised his brows in surprise. Clawdeen lowered her head, unable to keep a small blubber from escaping her. 

“Hey,” Romulus said gently as he lightly grasped her arms, “What’s wrong? What happened?” 

Clawdeen sucked in her lips, shaking her head. She ran a hand through her hair in distress as she glanced a glass case of archaeological findings that’d been set against the wall. 

“It’s too much,” she confessed, trying to keep from crying again. 

“What? What’s too much?” Romulus asked. 

“Everything,” Clawdeen confessed, her voice shaky, “This party, this baby, my friends and all their questions, all this pretending, it’s all way too much...” 

Romulus looked at her with a heartbroken expression as he watched her begin to cry again. He cupped her cheek and tilted her head up so she’d look at him. She looked back with watery yellow eyes. 

“I-I was watching you and Wererica talk, a-a-and I went to get some water, and I was just taking a second to look at everyone. 

“And I saw all the kids running around, and...” she swallowed, “And it just hit me how...how we are the _only_ ones who don’t fit into that question. We c-can’t have that. We can’t show off our babies to everyone else here, b-b-because every time, we... _I_ can’t...I can’t give either of us what we want...” 

Her shoulders bobbed up and down as she hung her head. A fresh tear came rolling down her cheek. Romulus’s brows knitted together; he looked completely destroyed with every word that came out of her mouth. 

“A-And then I saw you and Wererica talking,” Clawdeen added, “And I-I couldn’t help but think of what you two used to have, and h-how she could...s-she could give you what I can’t, and that maybe...m-m-maybe you would...” 

She trailed off, the words too painful for her to say out loud. Romulus’s eyes widened in shock as he understood her inference. 

“Clawdeen,” he said, “I would _never-”_

“I know you wouldn’t,” Clawdeen cut him off, looking back up at him, “I know, okay? B-But at that moment, that’s all I could think of. E-Everyone here is so happy and has so many things to celebrate, and I-I can’t relate to that! I just feel so _miserable,_ and it’s...it’s so unfair...” 

“Oh, Clawdeen...” Romulus said. He rubbed her cheek, using his thumb to wipe away a streak of tears.

Clawdeen let out a small hiccup as he tugged her forward and embraced her tightly. She closed her eyes and hugged him back, her claws digging into the fabric of his suit jacket as she allowed a few more whimpers to escape her as she felt him gently caress her hair. Romulus turned and kissed her temple. 

“You don’t ever have to fear losing me,” he murmured, “You’re my mate and my wife, I love you. I could never abandon you.” 

“I want to go home,” Clawdeen confessed, “I don’t want to be here anymore.”

She felt guilty for saying it- they had made a deal, after all, and here she was, causing a potential scene at his work in front of his coworkers.  But she couldn’t do it; she couldn’t go back into that room and pretend that she was enjoying herself when she had to constantly see all those kids and know that she didn’t get to have that luxury. She was burnt out. 

Romulus, though, had no objections and nuzzled her. 

“Okay, we will,” he said, “We’ll go right now, how about that? Let me just get our stuff and we’ll get out of here.” 

Clawdeen coughed and pulled back from him, nodding. “Okay,” she said. 

Romulus stood with her a moment longer. He tucked a piece of hair behind her ear, letting his knuckles gently caress her cheek, before he leaned in and kissed her.  Clawdeen let out a noise and tilted her head up, returning it. She was desperate to hang onto the feeling of his warm lips. 

Breaking away, Romulus said, “I’ll be right back,” before he turned and headed back into the lounge. 

Clawdeen stayed in the hallway.  She held her right wrist tightly and hunched her shoulders up, watching the door anxiously. 

“ _Hey, everything all right, man?”_ she heard Killian. 

“ _Yeah, ‘Deen’s just not feeling very well. We’re gonna go ahead and head out,”_ Romulus answered. 

“ _Oh, gee, that sucks,”_ Killian replied, “ _This damn flu’s going around like a bad joke. Well, tell her I said Merry Cryptmas. Drive safe now, okay?”_

“ _I will, tell everyone I said the same?”_ Romulus suggested. 

“ _Of course.”_

Shame weighed heavily on Clawdeen. This was supposed to be a joyous, fun occasion. Leave it to her to bring the mood down.

Romulus emerged a second later, both of their coats under his arm and Clawdeen’s clutch  in his hand. 

“Thank you,” Clawdeen muttered as she took both things from him and slipped her coat arm. Romulus nodded at her, his gaze sad as he regarded her downtrodden expression and the way she wouldn’t look at him. 

“Come on, my love,” he said, tugging her close, “Let’s go home.” 

He held her in the crook of his arm as he guided the both of them back down the hall and led them out of the building. Clawdeen kept herself pressed up against him, still feeling embarrassed over the whole thing. 

The weather changed as if it was trying to encapsulate her mood; the small chill of the evening had turned into a violent downpour  that had them almost completely soaked in seconds. 

They spent the beginning of the drive home in silence. Clawdeen leaned her head against the window as she stared forlornly out the glass, watching the blurry lights of the city pass by numbly. Romulus shot her occasional glances from the side, his brow crinkled like there was a lot weighing on his mind. The only sounds came from the windshield wipers as they went up and down to clear Rom’s view. 

“...If it means anything to you,” Romulus finally spoke up, “She’s married.” 

Clawdeen blinked and lifted her head off the window to look at him. She wore a look of confusion. 

“Wererica,” he clarified, “Her and her husband met in Seattle, when she was up there for a dig. They’ve been together...three years, I think she told me? They have a toddler- she just turned two.” 

“O-Oh...” Clawdeen said, facing forward to stare out the window. 

God, now she felt so stupid. Not only had she just had a complete meltdown in the middle of a party, but she had just blatantly confessed to  him- her husband, someone she trusted with all her unlife and who had shown nothing but kindness, patience, and love for her- that she thought he was capable of cheating on her with a ghoul who had also done nothing wrong. All because of her own insecurity. 

Her fists clenched in her lap. She felt tears of frustration come to her eyes. She felt so pathetic. Here she was again, ruining good moments and causing unnecessary friction with people only trying to be nice because she couldn’t control herself, because she was too fucked up and disgusting. 

_ Don’t talk like that,  _ the rational part of her mind said to her,  _You know that isn’t true. That’s just your trauma talking, trying to hurt you._

Clawdeen brought up a hand to rub at her temple as she closed her eyes. She took deep breaths, trying to calm herself down before she let those dark thoughts get to her. She’d come a long way from thinking that way about herself, and she knew she couldn’t let them get to her now when she was already in a bad mood. 

The roads, thankfully, had been mostly clear that night, and it didn’t take long for her and Romulus to get back to their house. They both rushed out to get under the awning of the porch as the rain came down upon them mercilessly.  Even with their winter pelts growing and their thick coats, they were both shivering violently by the time they got inside. 

They remained silent as they finally got in the doorway, with the light from the wax melt lamp being the only thing to illuminate the darkness of their living room. They removed their coats; Clawdeen tossed her clutch onto the couch and headed upstairs without another word. 

Tonight had been a total disaster. She was  exhausted and she felt like she had cried herself dry. All she wanted to now was fall into the warm blankets of her bed and go to sleep. 

Her and Romulus entered their bedroom without a word. Clawdeen pulled off her shoes and carelessly tossed them onto the floor near her closet, before she stood over her vanity and began removing her jewelry. 

Romulus sat down on the edge of their bed and  untied his shoes as she dropped her earrings and necklace back into her jewelry box before she grabbed a makeup wipe and quickly began rubbing at her eyeshadow. 

“Some holiday spirit I brought tonight, huh?” she joked, a half-hearted smile on her face as she wiped off her makeup. 

“You shouldn’t talk like that,” Romulus said softly as he sat up, his hands between his knees, “You know Jenn says that’s not a healthy way to think of yourself. You can’t help how you feel.” 

“No, but I _should_ know better,” Clawdeen said, turning around to face him. She was pouting and her brows were furrowed as she crossed her arms. 

“This was supposed to be a nice evening, and now it’s all ruined because I made everything awkward,” she said, hunching her shoulders up, “It’s just so _hard,_ having to be all smiles for people all the time, when it feels like I’m a grenade about to go off. When everything’s falling apart and I’m just supposed to pretend like I’m holding it all together and...and...” 

“I know,” Romulus replied, looking into her eyes. His emerald gaze regarded her gently, “You’ve been through so much, you’ve had to carry so much weight and bare a burden nobody can understand. How could anyone _not_ expect you to have your limits sometimes?” 

“You don’t ever have to pretend around me, though,” he said, “Don’t start shutting yourself away from me again. Please, Clawdeen, if you hurt, let me hurt with you. I don’t care what anyone else thinks, as long as you’re okay.” 

In spite of her mood, Clawdeen couldn’t help but smile at that.  She gave him a loving look, unable to stop the second wave of tears she felt come to her eyes at the amount of emotion in his voice. Romulus caught the look and gave her his own smile. 

He held his hands out towards her,  beckoning her to come forth.  She granted his request and slid her own into his; he tugged her forward so she was standing between his legs. His hands came up to hold her by her waist as he looked up into her warm golden eyes. 

“ I love you,” Clawdeen murmured, cupping his face in her hands. Her thumbs caressed his cheeks, feeling the roughness of his stubble under her fingers. 

“I love you, Clawdeen Lucia,” Romulus said, “I love you so much...”

His hand slid up to cup the back of her neck, and he pulled her forward for a kiss. Clawdeen was all to happy to oblige and cooed the feel of his warm lips against hers. His kisses were gentle and loving and set off a small spark in her. 

Something in her suddenly tightened and warmth filled her lower body like a furnace. Such a feeling caused her to moan; she slid her arms around Romulus’s neck, deepening the kiss and earning herself a small groan from the brunette wolf. 

“Romulus,” she gasped out, breaking off the kiss to look at him with a glazed look in her eye. She lifted her legs up and straddled him, forcing him to lean back on his hands, “Please...P-Please, I...I need you...” 

She  bit her lip and ran her hands up and down his chest, before she looked back at him wantonly and leaned forward. Romulus moaned and tilted his head back as she began to kiss his neck and reached a sensitive spot there. 

A warm pleasure took over Clawdeen’s body and clouded her mind. She temporarily forgot about everything that had occurred that evening as she became focused on trying to make the both of them feel good. She continued to kiss his neck as her hands came up and began to quickly unbutton his shirt, a part of her aching to feel his warm skin against hers. 

Romulus closed his eyes and let out another moan as she nuzzled an area under his ear. He let out a shaky breath as he felt her fingers against his chest as she got his shirt undone. He tilted his head forward into her neck and took a deep breath, inhaling her scent. It came out as a small sigh; now steadily growing aroused, he was unable to help himself and slid his hand across her back where her dress was open, something wonderful tingling in him as he felt her bare skin under his palm. 

Slowly, his hand drifted downward to grasp the zipper of her dress. Clawdeen moaned in satisfaction as she felt him gently pull it down. 

She sat up as she felt his hands grasp at the top of her sleeves. She trembled with anticipation as she allowed him to pull the top of her dress down around her waist, leaving her upper half exposed to him, before he shrugged off his own jacket and shirt. Clawdeen shivered as he gave her a look with eyes that were dark with desire; she was painfully aware of how close they were in their half-undressed state.

The next kiss Romulus brought her into was much more yearning. She closed her eyes and reveled in it as she slid her arms back around his neck. She pressed herself tightly against him as he rolled the two of them over, gently laying her down across the bed as he lay atop her; Clawdeen tilted her head back with a sharp moan as he began to trail kisses down her neck and collarbone. 

Steadily, they removed their clothes. Heat ignited in the both of them as they entwined their bodies together. She whimpered and whined in the darkness as he began to touch her all the right places. 

“I love you. I could never live without you,” Romulus whispered into her ear, “Until the moment the gods above claim my soul, I will be here for you.” 

Clawdeen snapped out of the hazy stat her mind was in long enough to look into his eyes. The  softness in his eyes took her off guard. 

She swallowed hard and felt tears prick her eyes. Clawdeen slid her arms around him and held him tight as she looked up at him with a pleading expression. 

“Love me, Romulus,” she said to him, “Show me how you love me.” 

He was too happy to oblige, and the emotional up and downs of the evening were forgotten as they pressed their bodies together and  fell into one another, their only thoughts now focused on the heat between them and the ecstasy they brought one another and themselves. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trivia: For those curious, Wererica is my fanon name for the pink-haired background werewolf who appears in Fright On and whom Romulus courts with in "Fierce Crush", the one whom the Create-a-Monster werewolf is based off of.


	6. Chapter 5: A Much Needed Miracle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Admittedly, this one's a bit of filler to establish some things for future chapters, so apologies that there's nothing too exciting in this one.

It was a horrible thing to say, but over the years Cryptmas had become a day that Clawdeen both looked forward to and dreaded actually having to celebrate.

The former reason, because it was a day of relaxation and joy, one in which you got to get to together to be with family, when you couldn’t see them on a regular basis.

The latter reason, _because_ it was a day you got together with family you didn’t see on a regular basis.

Clawdeen just hated the conversations that were sure to entail with the occasion- the ones asked by her distant family members that were way too invasive, needed way too much detail for a simple conversation, and were way too inappropriate to ask on such a day, when everyone was meant to be in good spirits. It was like the people who asked them for some reason thought that just because they shared bloodlines, that meant they were entitled to every major event she’d gone through in life.

She was especially dreading it this year; if the family party went at all the way Fangsgiving and the party at Rom’s department last week, then she know they would immediately pick up on her little behaviors, like her constantly tugging down her sweater or her insistence on avoiding foods that normally she couldn’t wait to have, and then she’d be cornered and forced to lie...again.

“You’re doing it again,” she heard Romulus call from the right.

Clawdeen blinked and raised her head. They were both sitting on the floor near their tree; she’d been spacing out and staring blankly at one of the snowman decorations they had propped up on the coffee table. A small pile of presents lay under the tree. Crescent, now even fatter and most of her fur faded with grey and wearing a pet Cryptmas sweater, lay between them, dozing lately. She raised her head and looked at Clawdeen curiously, before she stretched out and went back to sleeping.

“Doing what?” Clawdeen asked, looking at him.

Romulus just smirked, “That look on your face. You’re thinking of tonight and how everyone’s probably already going to be interrogating you liked you robbed a bank, even though nothing’s happened, yet.”

Frowning at him, Clawdeen was unable to keep the blush off her face. “You’d be feeling the same way if you knew you had to talk to your great aunt and know she’s probably going to be making some comment about how much weight you’ve gained and you can’t tell her that you’re not just getting fat,” she argued.

“I can’t say I’m quite in that position, but I _do_ know I’ll have to have quite a few beers to deal with your cousins picking up on something being off and pestering me about if we’re having any ‘problems,’” he refuted.

He let out a snort and rolled his eyes. “Especially when they’ll try and infer if something’s not quite right ‘in the bedroom’- like, Jesus, why the fuck do they want to know so badly? You’re their _cousin_ ,” he said with slight disgust.

Clawdeen couldn’t help but chuckle at his response and the face he made. As she calmed, though, her expression fell slightly, and she looked at the carpet with a small sigh as her hand came up to cup her stomach. She could feel the slight protrusion of her stomach through the wool. She was glad she decided ahead of time she was going to wear her oversized ugly Cryptmas sweater today instead of a dress or one of her nicer form fitting cardigans.

It seemed that Romulus picked up on her thoughts, as he watched her for a few seconds before he reached over and patted her hand.

“It will be okay, my love,” he said in reassurance, “For now, let’s just think about our own celebration, together.”

He reached over and grabbed the remote off the coffee table and turned it towards the TV to turn up the volume. Clawdeen smiled; they’d awoken early so they could have some free time for themselves, opening their gifts for each other and those they’d gotten in the mail from other friends, and spending some time with each other before they had to get ready to head over to Clawdeen’s parents’ house.

Pulling her knees up to her chest, she wrapped her arms around them and watched as Romulus leaned over and pulled a brightly wrapped gift out from under the tree. He turned and held it out to her. It was wrapped with a white bow and the tag read that it was to her.

“And I think as Mama Wolf To Be, you should get to open the first present,” he said, smiling at her lovingly.

Clawdeen smiled and took it from him. “Only if you open the next one,” she said.

“I will,” Romulus agreed.

Setting in her lap, Clawdeen looked down and began unwrapping the gift. Romulus rested his arm on his knee and watched her excitedly, eagerly awaiting her reaction to what he got for her.

For the moment, Clawdeen’s fears were eased as she became focused on seeing what her love got for her, as well as rejoicing in his happiness as he opened her gifts for him. After they cleared out everything from the tree and cleaned up all the trash, they made breakfast and sat at their table for a while, listening to Cryptmas music from Clawdeen’s diePad as they talked and enjoyed each other’s company.

As they both went back upstairs to shower and get ready, though, the worry lingered in the back of Clawdeen’s mind.

She only had so much longer she could keep hiding this pregnancy, if it lasted any longer. She’d have to tell everyone the truth sooner or later, even if it meant baring the brunt of judgment should she once again fall into pain. She had to tell someone.

* * *

“Auntie Deenie! Uncle Rom!” Pawstin cried out from the kitchen, bolting from the spot from where he’d been eating a few crackers with sliced ham and cheese. Draculaura and Clawd were standing near him, and the two of them turned to look in their direction.

He looked abwolutely adorable in his footie pajamas, which were red and printed with reindeer and snowmen. Clawdeen giggled at the sight and bent down to wrap him up in a hug as she threw himself out her.

“Merry Cryptmas!” Pawstin exclaimed, giving her a big kiss on the cheek.

“Merry Cryptmas, _amori_ ,” Clawdeen said warmly, squeezing him tightly.

“Hey, little guy, come here!” Romulus said, kneeling down to get his own embrace. Pawstin tore away from her and went to him, wrapping his arms around his neck as Romulus lifted him up into his arms.

“Oh dear, you’ve gotten so big!” Romulus joked as he jiggled the floppy haired toddler in his arms, “Pretty soon, you’ll be towering over your old man and me! I won’t be able to lift you up like this much longer.”

Pawstin giggled, “I haven’t gotten that big, silly!”

“I don’t know about that,” Clawd joked as him and Laura made their way over, “He’s been chowing down on pancakes all morning. I think he might have a bit of a growth spurt soon.”

“That, or he’s just got as bottomless of a stomach as you,” Draculaura replied. She held her arms out; Clawdeen smiled and allowed her to pull her into a hug, while Clawd and Romulus exchanged a brotherly one.

“So, who’s here so far?” Clawdeen asked, leaning out to look over Clawd’s shoulder at the living room and kitchen. All her family members looked over from where they were either sitting or standing, many of them holding glasses of wine or eating finger foods. They let out various greetings and raised their hands. Clawdeen waved back at them.

“Pretty much everyone you _don’t_ want to spend too much time with?” Clawd said with a chuckle as he gave her an amused look, “Mom and Dad are in the kitchen with Howleen and them.”

“Great,” Clawdeen said, looking over the faces of her family as she recognized aunts, uncles, cousins, and great-great-whatever or something that made them related to her, “Now I just got to get through the flood.”

“Quit it,” Draculaura said, “It’s Cryptmas, everyone’s having a good time. They’re all just happy to see us.”

“Yeah,” Romulus snorted, “And maybe glad they can find five thousand different ways to insult our appearances or what we’re doing with our unlives.”

Clawd and Clawdeen nodded in agreement. Draculaura just gave them all a look, before she rolled her eyes and shook her head. They could all be so dramatic sometimes.

“Aunt Deenie, do you want to see my presents?” Pawstin asked, looking up at Clawdeen as he tugged on her hand.

Clawdeen looked down at him with a smile and nodded. “Sure!” she exclaimed, “Just as long as you promise to open mine!”

“Yeah!” Pawstin exclaimed in excitement as he began to pull her back towards the kitchen. Laura and Clawd chuckled as them and Romulus followed the pair into the kitchen.

“I got a new bike! And a Boo-Gi-Oh expansion deck! And Aunt Leena got me a new sweater! And Gramma and Grampa got me a Switch! And Popop Vlad got me some new shoes...” Pawstin was rattling off to Clawdeen as he led her into the kitchen. Clawdeen smiled as she listened to him; he was talking so fast she only caught every other word, but his excitement was enough for her.

In the kitchen, Clawrk was cutting into the turkey while Harriet and Howleen were talking with Clawdeen’s grandmother. The latter three turned as they heard Pawstin continue to list off all the gifts he had that day and smiled as they saw the couple of them enter.

“Hey, sis,” Howleen greeted as she waved.

Clawdeen raised a brow at her latest dye job, which she had obviously done specifically for the howlidays; her tight curls were snow white and pulled into dreads, with some of them being dyed red for a candy cane look.

“After all these years, and you still haven’t taken what I said about making sure the color doesn’t bleed to heart,” she said as she came closer.

Howleen smirked and just waved her off, “Oh, shut up. It looks great and you know it.”

“Yeah,” Romulus joked, pulling her in for a hug, “If you don’t look too closely at it.”

He chuckled as Howleen, with a deadpan look, just casually scratched her nose with her middle finger, trying to keep it appropriate in front of Pawstin. Harriet turned away and kissed him and Clawdeen.

“Dinner will be ready soon,” Clawrk commented over his shoulder, “We’re just waiting for the gizzards to be done and then everything will be ready.”

He leaned backward and smiled as Clawdeen came up to him to kiss him on his cheek. “It’s smells great as wonderful, Daddy,” she said.

“I’m glad,” Clawrk said, turning to her, a proud and loving smile on his face, “I can only hope it tastes as great as it smells.”

Harriet got her and Romulus drinks, before they all proceeded into the living room, where everyone else was talking. Clawdeen greeted her siblings and her extended family and found a seat. Her and Romulus handed out the presents they bought for everyone and accepted the ones that were for them, before they settled on the couch and got involved in various conversations with her family.

“So, Deenie, how’s that fashion job going?” her great-grandmother Clawsandra asked from where she sat in the old loveseat, a mug of tea cradled in her hands. She stared at Clawdeen through her tiny glasses, her yellowish brown eyes straining.

“It’s going good,” Clawdeen said, taking a Cryptmas cookie from the tray on the coffee table and dipping it into her hot chocolate, “We recently launched our winter collection, and we have some limited edition jewelry coming out for Boo Year’s that’s already been sold out in pre-order, so I’d say it’s going good.”

“Sell out a pre-order? How do you sell out something that doesn’t even exist yet?” her grandfather asked in confusion. He shrugged and shook his head, “Must be one of those fancy millennial things...”

Clawdeen shot him and look and smirked as he muttered to himself about something. Clawsandra waved him off.

“Aw, don’t mind him,” she said, “He’s just being one of those old bitter men who doesn’t try to understand the kids these days.

“Not me,” she gave Clawdeen a grin. Some of her teeth were missing, “I’m in with the times! I’m ‘hip’!”

“I’m sure you are, Nanna,” Clawdeen chuckled.

“Speaking of being hip, are you doing okay, my dear?” Clawsandra asked. Her expression turned more serious as she suddenly looked at Clawdeen, her brows furrowed in concern.

Clawdeen blinked and gave her a surprised look. “Why do you ask?”

Clawsandra reached over and patted her hand. Her wrinkled palm felt cool and smooth.

“I just couldn’t help but notice you seem to be avoiding certain foods tonight, that I know for a fact were always your favorite,” she said.

She shuffled closer to the edge of the seat, as if she had some secret she wanted to tell the she-wolf. Clawdeen leaned in, frowning in confusion at what her great-grandmother had to tell her. Clawsandra leaned in so she was close to her ear.

“You’re also looking a little round around the tummy area,” the old wolf whispered to her, “I get if you’re on a diet, but also remember, it is the howlidays. You’re allowed to indulge yourself at least once in a while.”

She pulled back and gave the younger wolf a comforting smile as she squeezed Clawdeen’s hand.

Clawdeen just stared at her, completely taken aback by what her great-grandmother had insinuated. For a moment, she had no idea how to react; she didn’t know whether to be thankful or just insulted.

Snapping out of her daze, she gave Clawsandra a strained smile and shook her head.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she said, “I’m just...trying something new.”

“Well, don’t let that keep you from enjoying yourself,” Clawsandra advised, “There’s nothing wrongh with a little bit of thickness; heck, when I was your age, boys loved having some extra weight on their ghouls!”

 _Gee, thanks, Nanna,_ Clawdeen thought dryly. She knew for a long time that her elderly relatives weren’t the most well-versed in holding their tongues, or knowing when to keep inappropriate comments to themselves, but it didn’t make the insinuation any less embarrassing.

She had to remind herself that Clawsandra didn’t mean anything by it. She was old- almost a hundred and five- and she grew up in a vastly different time. Clawdeen, though, suddenly felt uncomfortable.

“Um, I’m going to go get another drink,” she said, standing up with her mug and gesturing to the kitchen.

“Of course, sweetie!” Clawsandra smiled at her. She brought her hand up to cover one side of her mouth as she whispered, “And if you want sugar free, I think your mom has some in the pantry.”

“Duly noted,” Clawdeen muttered as she turned away and headed for the kitchen. She looked at her with a grimace out of the corner of her eye, before she shook her head and walked away.

She was about to head back into the kitchen, before she stopped in the front hallway. She turned her head slightly to listen to the conversations going on the living room; her Nanna had since moved onto another topic of conversation, and was chuckling to something Clawdeen’s cousin had said.

Clawdeen looked over her shoulder. From his position on the floor, Romulus caught her looking back and perked up.

 _Are you okay?_ He mouthed to her.

Clawdeen nodded and gave him a reassuring smile, before she took a deep breath.

She was about to head into the kitchen, when she felt someone grab her arm. She turned to see Clawd standing behind her, seemingly having just emerged from the downstairs bathroom.

“What’s up?” Clawdeen asked, turning to him.

Clawd just gave her a smile, before he jerked his head towards the stairs.

“Come with me,” he tugged on her sleeve, “Let’s have some time to talk. Alone.”

“Um...o-kay?” Clawdeen replied, slightly confused by his request as she started to follow him out of the kitchen.

He led the both of them up the stairs, away from where all the noise and the other guests were, down the hall to where his old bedroom lay. Clawd opened the door and entered, with Clawdeen coming in after him a moment later.

All his stuff had long since been boxed up or moved out and Harriet now used the room as her personal office, but Clawdeen still detected a small hint of Clawd’s scent that still lingered in the carpet and walls from his many years of occupying the room.

Shuffling around her, Clawd closed the door, cutting off the rest of the sound from outside, before he turned to her. The look in his eye was one Clawdeen couldn’t quite put her finger on.

“So...what did you want to talk to about?” she asked, leaning back against the corner of Harriet’s desk.

Clawd crossed his arms. “Are you okay?” he asked.

Clawdeen blinked. She furrowed her brows at him in confusion. “Uh, yeah? Of course I am, why wouldn’t I be?”

“I just noticed you looked a little bit uncomfortable back there,” Clawd said, “You seem kind of on edge.”

“I’m not,” Clawdeen insisted, “I’m just a little bit overwhelmed with seeing everyone, but you know, it _is_ a small house for so many people.”

Clawd nodded, but he didn’t seem convinced by her excuse. He stared at her for a moment longer, as if he was analyzing something about her. Clawdeen couldn’t help but bristle a little at his silence.

“What?” she asked.

Clawd sighed, “You don’t have to keep on lying to me. I already know about the baby.”

The minute that word left his lips, Clawdeen felt her face drain completely of color and everything go cold around her. She stumbled back a few inches as if he had struck her, her hand reaching out behind her to grab the corner of the desk; the room suddenly felt like it was starting to spin and she didn’t trust herself that she’d be able to stay steady on her feet for much longer.

She felt a pang in her chest when she thought of the only way he could’ve known. _He promised me…_

“Romulus didn’t say anything,” Clawd clarified, as if reading her thoughts, “I figured it out myself.”

For a moment, Clawdeen was too stunned to form a response. As she tried to maintain her breathing, she looked up at him. “H-H-How?”

As if finding this amusing, Clawd gave her a small sideways smile. “Oh, come on, Clawdeen, give me a bit more credit,” he said, “I’m your brother, I notice things about you, even if you don’t think so.

“And you know, I _do_ have a kid of my own now,” he pointed out, “The cravings, the tiredness, you now acting like anything stronger than Weredith’s body spray is going to make you sick- I’ve seen the same thing with Mom and Laura. Also you keep rubbing your stomach, and the look in your eye makes it clear it’s not because you don’t feel good.”

Clawdeen gaped at him, her mouth hanging open in shock. She felt her cheeks grow hot; she hadn’t realized just how obvious she’d been.

First Rhea, and now Clawd? Jesus, she felt like she might as well have been making baby references every five seconds, with how shitty her casualness had been.

Clawd slid his hands into his pockets. “So...does anyone else know?”

He didn’t receive a response at first. Clawdeen lifted her head and eyed him through narrowed eyes for a second, debating whether or not to tell him. It was really no use, though; he already said the obvious. No use in trying to deny it any longer.

Dropping her shoulders, Clawdeen admitted, “Just Rom’s mom, and she put it together like you did. Besides you, everyone’s still in the dark.”

“But why?” Clawd asked, tilting his head in confusion, “Why be so secretive about it?”

Clawdeen gave him a look that read _Are you being serious right now?_ She dryly replied, “I mean, having to reveal to Mom and Dad that I possibly miscarried what could’ve been their next grandchild for the fourth time when they ask ‘How’s the little guy doing’ doesn’t exactly seem like the best conversation starter.”

That made him wince slightly, but he quickly recovered from it. His gaze softened on her as he just gave her a small nod.

“Fair point,” he said, “But you know...we don’t mean it to try and be judgy. We all worry about you; Mom and Dad and them just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I know you do,” Clawdeen said, crossing her arms, “But...you don’t know what it’s like to have to carry that weight. Until you experience it for yourself, there’s no way you could understand the pain that it brings into your soul, what it’s like having to walk on eggshells because you never know if every good moment is just a facade for the tragedy to come.”

Before she could think about it, her hands lowered down and covered her belly. She swallowed hard as she thought about how her pup was there, slowly growing day by day.

She wanted this baby to be the one. She truly did. But it was still hard for her to fully open her heart up and embrace the joy that every mother should feel with parenthood when she’d been let down and betrayed plenty of other times in her life.

It was so hard. She wanted to be hopeful, but she’d learned the hard way a long time ago to always be cautious when things seemed too good to be true.

Clawd watched the pained look flash across her features. He felt his heart ache for her. This should’ve never had to have been Clawdeen’s burden to bear, he thought. Hadn’t his sister been hurt enough?

There was little he knew he could say, though, to comfort her. As much as it hurt to see that she was putting up her walls again, he couldn’t force her to be positive or to open up if she didn’t feel ready. All he could do was be patient.

Gesturing to her stomach with his elbow, he asked, “How, um, far along are you?”

Surprised by his question, Clawdeen lifted her head. She stopped rubbing her stomach and glanced down at it.

“Um, thirteen weeks,” she answered, “I just had an ultrasound a few days ago. Viveka says...she says I’m due in July.”

If she ever made it to that point, the cynical part of her couldn’t help but add.

“Well, there you go,” Clawd said, gesturing out with his hand, “Things are already looking up. I mean, that makes this the longest pregnancy you’ve had as of yet, right?”

“I...” Clawdeen trailed off as the realization settled on her.

She’d been so preoccupied with her nervousness and doubts about the situation, as well as with the ordinary day-to-day stresses, that it hadn’t occurred to her that she’d surpassed the number of weeks in which she had miscarried the last few times.

Her second pregnancy had been the longest one, having just entered the eleventh week mark before she lost the baby. Her first and third ones didn’t even reach teen weeks at that. And now, she’d been waiting with bated breath for so long, that time blurred together and she hadn’t even realized it.

Now, she had a date for when she could actually expect to give birth, something that was impossible before. Technically, she could now better organize and plan when to do what.

Romulus had told her he truly believed this pup would be different.

Could it be that maybe...maybe he was right?

In spite of herself, Clawdeen could feel her heart begin to swell with the idea. What if...What if _this one_ was different?

She closed her eyes and shook her head. No, she couldn’t get too ahead of herself. She wasn’t out of the danger zone quite yet. If she got in too deep now, she’d only make the pain worse.

“You can’t tell anyone,” she finally said, looking up at Clawd with a grim expression, “I don’t want this getting out. To _anyone_.”

“I won’t. I promise,” Clawd said, “But...you know, you should tell Laura, at least. She’s a gossip, but you know of all of us, she’s got your back the most.”

“I know...” Clawdeen answered softly, staring off at the wall. It would certainly put a lot of stuff into context for Laura, if she knew exactly why she’d been so on edge for the last few months.

It was just hard. With everything that’d happened to her, there were times she still had trouble in believing who she could trust. Even after all these years, the knowledge that blind trust got her into this position managed to cut like a sharp knife.

Seeing how there was little else to say at this moment, Clawd turned slightly toward the door and cocked his thumb towards it.

“I’m gonna head back downstairs now,” he said, “They’ll probably be wondering where we are.”

Clawdeen nodded. She walked past him as he reached over and opened the door, before he stepped aside to allow her to exit the room first.

Before she got into the hallway, though, she felt Clawd tug at her wrist. She looked over her shoulder at him in surprise. He tugged her towards him and wrapped her up in a hug. Clawdeen blinked, taken slightly aback by his actions, before she relaxed and hugged him back.

“I’ll always be here for you, for thick and thin. Whatever storm you have to weather, you won’t need to do it on your own,” he said gently, “I love you, sis.”

Clawdeen smiled, “I love you, too.”

Finally, they departed and he let her go back downstairs, where he joined her a second later. They had made it to the bottom, where the front hall and the front door was, when Draculaura suddenly appeared out of the bathroom that was next to the living room.

She raised her head at the sight of them. “There you are!” she exclaimed, rushing over, “I was wondering where you’d gone off to.

“I went into the garage to get a bottle of water and a juice box for Pawstin, and when I came back, you two were gone,” she said, looking between them.

“We were just talking,” Clawd said as he slid his arm around her waist, “You know, having some one-on-one time as siblings.”

He glanced at Clawdeen, a knowing look in his eye. Clawdeen sighed and nodded; she knew it had to be done.

“Yeah, um, actually,” she spoke up, touching Laura on the arm, “Could, uh, _we_ go somewhere to talk now? Just you and me?”

Laura turned from Clawd and gave her a look of curiosity, her brows raised up high. She did another glance between them, before she pulled away from Clawd and nodded.

“O...Okay,” she said quietly, “Sure...”

She gave Clawd a bit of an unsure look. He nodded and smiled, before leaning over to kiss her cheek.

“I’m going to go find Romulus,” he said, “Have some guy talk.”

He patted Clawdeen on the arm, before he pulled away from them and headed back into the living room, where everyone else was hanging out and the kids were playing. Clawdeen and Laura both watched him go, before Laura turned back to the former.

“Where did you want to go?” she asked.

Clawdeen gestured to the porch. “Let’s go outside,” she said, “It seems much less like we’re snooping if we just stand out there.”

They got their coats on and stepped out onto the front porch. Laura shivered at the freezing cold temperature of the night and huddled into her pink peacoat, her breath forming a cloud in front of her as she let it out. Clawdeen felt slightly guilty about asking her to come out here so late, but she didn’t feel comfortable staying upstairs, in case it roused suspicion of where they were.

“S-S-So what did you want to say?” Laura asked, her teeth chattering as she rubbed her arms through her coat, “That you c-couldn’t say inside?”

Clawdeen gave her an apologetic smile. “Sorry about having to drag you out here in the cold,” she said, “But I thought everyone would be less inclined to try and look for us and just think we maybe wanted some fresh air.”

Laura quirked her eyebrow up at her and crossed her arms. She asked, “Why? Is it something bad?”

“No, it’s not,” Clawdeen said, “It’s not anything bad...at least, not yet. But...I thought you finally deserved to know the truth.”

That got her a patient look from the vampire. Draculaura just seemed confused. Clawdeen took a deep breath, preparing herself for what she was about to say.

“These last few weeks, whenever you’ve noticed how I seem to have been off? Or when we went to the maul?” she finally said, “I was lying. Or...I wasn’t telling you the full story. It wasn’t just a bug or a cold.”

Laura’s eyes widened as a thought seemed to come to her. Her posture suddenly went very stiff. Her hands clenched the sleeves of her coat.

“A-Are you okay?” she asked in a worried tone.

“I am, I am!” Clawdeen insisted, holding up her hands to pacify her, “I swear, you don’t have to be worried!”

She shuffled on her feet as she suddenly looked to the side. How was she supposed to say this? “I-I mean...” she said awkwardly, “You would probably say it’s a...a blessing. You’ve said that about the other ghouls, after all.”

Now, Laura narrowed her eyes at her. She looked more puzzled now than ever, obviously not knowing what exactly the werewolf was getting at.

Her heart pounding her chest, Clawdeen looked her straight in the eye and came clean.

In a low voice, she murmured, “I’m pregnant again.”

Draculaura’s mouth dropped open in shock. Her eyes shrank to the size of needle points as she gaped at Clawdeen for several moments, before she shook her head and opened her eyes back up. She ran a hand through her hair.

“That’s why the perfume bothered you so much!” she exclaimed, finally connecting the dots as she looked back up at Clawdeen, “Gee, I was getting so worried that it was a serious virus or something! You had me worried!”

“Sorry,” Clawdeen said, “I didn’t really think of when I was going to tell you. Definitely not then...”

Laura just stared at the floor, still reeling from the news. She suddenly blinked and raised her head, as if something had occurred to her. Her eyes widened and she looked back at Clawdeen.

“That’s why when Abbey brought up Gigi, that’s why you…?” she trailed off.

Clawdeen winced, but nodded. The off-hand comment Abbey had made towards her that day still stung a little.

“I...I was going to tell you...m-maybe...” she said, unsure if she really believed what she was saying.

Who was she fooling? Of course she wasn’t going to tell Laura. Or anyone at all, for that matter. She wasn’t even sure if she was going to have a baby much longer _to_ tell people about.

“Oh, Deenie…” Laura said, as all the pieces fell into place. She held her arms out and hugged the werewolf. Clawdeen hugged her back, deflating slightly. Already, she felt a small bit of weight go off her shoulders.

“I didn’t know what else to do,” she murmured into the short vampire’s shoulder, “I-I’ve been so scared that this is going to end up like all the others, I didn’t think I’d be able to stand having to face everyone if...if they knew...”

Against her will, she could feel her throat begin to close up, as tears dotted the edges of her eyes. She stopped talking, worried that if she continued, she was going to cry and raise more questions once they went back inside.

“Shhhh,” Draculaura said, one hand coming up to stroke her hair, “It’s okay, you don’t have to explain or justify anything to me.”

She pulled away and held Clawdeen’s hands as she looked up at her, giving them a squeeze.

“You’ll get through this, no matter how it goes,” she said, “Whether you’ll need a shoulder to cry on or someone to celebrate and plan your baby shower, either way, I’m not going anywhere.”

“Thanks,” Clawdeen said. Throughout the years, she had grown distant and sometimes ended many friendships with the people she knew as a teenager; mostly due to distance and lack of communication through the years, while quite a few were because of more personal matters.

Her and Laura’s friendship, though, she felt had only grown even stronger with time. They’d been through the ringer more than once, and their bonds were especially tested once she was rescued from DC, completely changed from the person she’d been when she was sixteen, but Laura persisted and didn’t shrink away once. She was there for Clawdeen more times than the werewolf could count, whether it was to calm her in the middle of the night as Clawdeen cried her heart out over the phone, or taking her out to the gas station to get Raspberry freezes and chocolate bars as a means to distract her from her woes, or just texting her random memes when she was having a bad day.

Clawdeen truly didn’t know how she could ever repay her for that.

“How long have you known?” Draculaura asked, glancing down at her middle.

“Almost two months,” Clawdeen admitted, “I found out at five weeks. It was officially thirteen on Monday.”

“Oh my god!” Draculaura exclaimed, her fangs showing as she smiled brightly, “O-Oh, wow, already that long?! That’s great! Now that whole scene at the maul makes so much more sense!”

“Yeah,” Clawdeen replied with a bit of a blush, “I hadn’t expected the nausea to come on so quickly or strongly, but it did.”

She made a face and glanced down at her stomach, before she snorted and responded, “Ain’t it great? I may not be able to keep this baby, but Mother Nature sure has no problem making me experience all the shitty sides to being pregnant.”

“You don’t know if you’re going to lose it, don’t talk like that,” Laura scolded, “I mean, you’re almost done with the first trimester- you didn’t reach that point before, and that’s when most women tend to be most likely to miscarry either way.

“Maybe this one...maybe this one will be different?” she suggested, “Maybe it’s a sign? A miracle, if you will. It is the howlidays, after all.”

Clawdeen sighed. Her hand went back up to her stomach, feeling the slightly pudgy skin beneath her sweater.

“I sure hope so, Lala,” she said softly, “I hope so.”

  
  



	7. Chapter 6: It's The Little Things

A few weeks later, after Cryptmas, Clawdeen found herself sitting next to the window inside a cafe, nursing a Shirley Temple as she watched Cleo finish off her margarita. 

It’d been a rather slow week, and she found herself having Friday and the whole weekend off. She hadn’t really had any plans, other than maybe running errands or having a bit of a date night with Romulus, but she’d been woken up late that morning by a text from the mummy, who asked if she was down for a spontaneous lunch date. 

A way of “catching up” was the way Cleo had put it, even though Clawdeen had literally only seen her a week ago when Deuce invited them, Jackson, and Frankie over to their house for dinner. But, Clawdeen figured, she had no concrete things to get done, so why not? 

Plus, Cleo was paying for it, and Clawdeen would never pass up a chance to allow her to foot the bill. The mummy had plenty of mummy to last a lifetime. 

She raised her head and looked up as the waiter came by with their meals. 

“I’ve got a Philly Cheese Steak with fries,” he announced, raising the plates up, “And one fettuccine chicken alfredo?” 

“That’ll be us,” Cleo said, “Thank you. And I’d like a screwdriver, this time.”

“Of course, ma’am,” the waiter said, placing their plates down in front of them before he turned and headed over the bar. 

“Another one already?” Clawdeen asked with slight amusement, “You might want to be careful with those, Clee. I don’t want to have to explain to Deuce why you’ve completely crashed by two in the afternoon.” 

Cleo just waved her off as she finished margarita, “Give me a break. I haven’t had a drink in forever; besides, we’re both hardworking, industry ladies. Isn’t part of our image to be lounging in mid-day, enjoying our favorite cocktails?” 

“maybe,” Clawdeen joked, “OR maybe you’re just an alcoholic.” 

At that, Cleo just shrugged and took the screwdriver as the waiter came back with it. “Maybe,” she agreed, taking a sip. 

They started digging into their food and eating, allowing a small silence to pass between them as staff and other customers passed by them. Clawdeen took a couple of french fries that served as her side dish and swiped them in the small cup of ketchup she’d been given, before popping them in her mouth. 

She found that she was having a bit of a craving for salty food lately. She forced herself to drink a bottle of water at least every few hours in order to keep her blood pressure under control. Romulus had joked that she was becoming a mere physical manifestation of her daily attitude. 

(Clawdeen hadn’t found that very funny). 

The screen to Cleo’s phone suddenly lit up. Clawdeen took a drink as she watched the latter glance down at it; whatever the message said, it made Cleo roll her eyes, before she wiped her hand on her napkin and reached to grab at it. 

“Everything all right?” Clawdeen asked. 

“Just some air-headed people in the marketing department who don’t know what ‘Have it done _by_ three-thirty’ means,” Cleo said with a frown as she responded to whoever had sent the text. She dropped the phone back onto the table and shook her head, “It’s like all these ghouls fresh out of college think that this is still high school where they can just half-ass everything three hours before the deadline and they’ll still come out with a star product.” 

Clawdeen raised a brow at her and gave her an amused smirk. “Trouble  with the business?” she asked, “You know, if you all ever need a hand, I’m sure Freakarrific has some space in our stores to showcase some cosmetics. Give the kids an idea of how to rock their eye looks with the perfect outfit.” 

Cleo looked up from her phone and scoffed at her, as if the very idea was the funniest thing in the world. 

“Oh, please,” she said, “Hathor Cosmetics remains the top selling of beauty and skin care products for the third year in a row! I hardly need a helping hand when we’ve managed to reach the top ourselves.” 

She gave another shrug, “The competitors may learn a thing or two, if they just released a few skin tones darker than a light tan or came out with something other than boring neutrals.” 

“Wow, you’re _so_ humble,” Clawdeen said sarcastically, her voice deadpanned. 

Like always, though, Cleo didn’t show any response.  Instead, she just  flipped her hair with her usual haughtiness that she’d done ever since Clawdeen met her. She twirled her fork around  her noodles and took a bite, holding her hand to her mouth as she chewed. She swallowed and took a drink of water, before she continued. 

“Speaking of work, there’s a speaking event going on a few blocks down my office building in a few weeks,” she said, “It’s all about self-confidence and learning how to heal from long-lasting insecurities. It covers stuff about bullying, harassment, and coping with trauma. I was wondering if you or any of the ghouls would be interested in checking it out.” 

Clawdeen thought about it briefly, before she  answered, “I don’t know. I don’t really like big conventions like that unless they’re stuff like Clawmic-Con, and even then half the time it’s because Rom talks me into going with him.” 

“Actually...” Cleo added. 

She set her water down and fixed Clawdeen with a serious look.  She rested her elbows on the table and laced her fingers together, bringing them back to rest her chin on them. 

“They’re currently looking for volunteers to talk at the conference,” she explained, “I was thinking... _You_ should try to apply for it. I’d think you’d be great for it.” 

Clawdeen paused. Her brows rose up high on her head as she shot the older ghoul a surprised look. 

“Really?” she asked, “...Why?” 

“Well, aside from the fact that you’ve always been one of the most confident people I know- besides. _me,_ of course- I think a lot of people would feel inspired by your story and how you’ve always managed to find some weird tacky trinket and turn it into something stylish,” Cleo said, “You know, that creativity.” 

There was an unreadable look in her eyes that Clawdeen couldn’t trace. She slowly lowered her head and gave a brief glance around, before, in a much lower voice, said the next part. 

“And I’d also think that your story with your trauma would resonate with a lot of women,” she said. 

Immediately, that earned her a deep frown from Clawdeen. The werewolf felt her  hackles raise as she knew right away what Cleo was referring to.

“Cleo...” she replied with a warning tone to her voice. 

“I’m not saying that you need to get them your whole unlife story,” Cleo said in defense, “But, you know, there are a lot of women out there who probably have gone through something similar, and they’re struggling to be able to believe in themselves or see how they can move past it. 

“They may listen to a story like yours, and find some hope in it. See that their trauma isn’t the only means to their unlives,” she suggested. 

“Absolutely not,” Clawdeen replied with a frown, “You know what I’ve said about stuff like that. Whatever I went through, it’s _my_ business. Not some random women’s, not the news outlets’, not some rando up-and-coming producer wanting to turn it into a book or a movie or whatever bullshit to make money.” 

It was something she had long since decided ever since she first came back to Salem. So many people in Salem already had an idea of what happened; she didn’t need anyone else finding out and just dumbing her down to that, or trying to pressure her into revealing the details because they wanted some new gossip or something. 

She didn’t want to be just be known as that teenage ghoul who got kidnapped and trafficked. If she was going to have her name put out there and get worldwide coverage, it was going to be on  _her_ terms. Not everyone else’s who could only see her for her pain or her secrets. She was so much more than just that. 

“Again, I’m not saying you have to lay your soul bare entirely,” Cleo said, “Ra knows there’s a lot of things _I_ still refuse to let the common people know about my family and our journey. I’m only saying, maybe you might find some relief with it, sharing your experience with others?” 

“I already have found my relief,” Clawdeen said, “In support groups, that aren’t in front of thousands of people with cameras and iCoffins that aren’t going to try and look me up or try and become investigative journalists when they see my face.” 

To that, Cleo only held her hands out in a ‘you got me there’ kind of gesture.  She picked up her fork and took a few more bites of her food. 

“It’s only a suggestion,” she said through a mouthful of noodles, “If you really don’t want to do it, you don’t have to.” 

“I guess I’m just surprised that you of all people would bring it up,” Clawdeen said, “I mean, you’re not exactly the type to suggest people share their feelings if it’s not some version of them trying to kiss up to you...no offense.” 

“None taken,” Cleo said, “Though, you know, I _am_ capable of growing up a little, too. And besides, like I said, you have a lot of confidence that I think a lot of ghouls would also admire. Whether you choose to bring up your experience or not, they could still learn a thing or two from how you work.” 

She gave Clawdeen a small smile. It was a rare, genuine one, one that lacked her usual arrogance  or implication of a smart-mouthed retort.

“Honestly, if given the chance, I would say a lot of people already view you as a role model,” she said, “Even if they don’t know the full story, the fact that you’ve managed to come so far after going through so much shit and crawled back from the bottom is uplifting to a lot of people. You don’t seem to realize it, but there’s a lot of monsters who find you an inspiration, who see you as proof you can find beauty again through all the shades of grey.” 

The admission took Clawdeen completely off guard. She stared at Cleo with shock; never in a million years would she have expected such words to come from the mummy. It was such a one-eighty from their early days, when they were more so frenemies than friends and consistently butted heads. 

“That...that really means a lot to me, Cleo, to hear you say that,” she said, honestly quite touched by the comment. 

Cleo nodded at her. Just as quickly, though, her smile dropped and was replaced by one of her signature  smirks. 

“Besides, the more people look up to you, the more people are bound to love you and worship you,” she said, “It’s quite the delight, seeing how many are willing to bend over backwards for you.” 

Clawdeen snorted and rolled her eyes. “Of course,” she replied, “Because  _that’s_ the most important thing at the end of the day.”

“Why, of course it is!” Cleo replied, “It’s easier to get stuff done and be listened to when you know that all of your followers are listening to you.” 

Clawdeen just gave her a look, but chuckled. It was classic Cleo- you could get the ghoul to grow up and marry and have a couple of kids, but the princess from the glory days of Ancient Egypt never truly went away. 

As they went back to eating, they moved on to talk about  different things, like how Cleo’s daughters were doing or how the latest launches at each other’s companies had gone. Clawdeen brought up how the book Romulus and Laura were working on together was currently in the stages of final edit, and Cleo replied with a suggestion of Clawdeen possibly getting her an early copy. 

In the back of Clawdeen’s mind, though, her thoughts lingered on what Cleo had told her earlier. 

_A role model to many others, huh?_

* * *

“A role model to many others,” Clawdeen repeated to herself one she was back home. She sat in her sewing room, working on a dress for herself as she thought back to Cleo’s words. 

She figured it was time to start making some adjustments to her wardrobe in order to compensate for her ever-expanding stomach now. And rather than having to shill out hundreds for clothes that would only fit her for a matter of time, she figured she could just adjust the seams of a few of her garments (or add an extra-stretchy waistband, like her jeans) so she could remain in style while being comfortable. Becoming a mom didn’t mean you had to stop looking fabulous, after all. 

As she pieced one of the sleeves to the dress, she replayed Cleo’s words once again. The mummy had said she was a role model to many others, an inspiration to monsters everywhere about crawling out from the bottom and finding your way back, even when the whole world seemed against you, how one could find beauty again even when it seemed all they saw were ugly shades of gray. 

“Find beauty again...” Clawdeen muttered, mulling over that phrase. 

Unconsciously, she glanced towards her mirror and raised her right shoulder, allowing the soft wool of her off-the-shoulder sweater to fall further down her arm and expose her bare skin. She smiled to herself as she looked over her arm, admiring the colorful ink that now rested there. 

Find beauty again. Yes, she supposed she had found beauty again. Particularly, she had found beauty in finding ways to cover up her scars and the horrendous marks that once covered her body. 

When she was in DC, Aran had her forcibly tattooed, as a means to “officially” display her as his; in the back of a run-down smoke shop that no doubt had more than a few health code violations, he and the sorry-excuse for an artist who did the work had held her down and branded her, neither one budging against her screams as the artist pierced her nipples and her genitals with rusty metal and jammed a tattoo gun against her skin, permanently marking her like she was a prized beef cow. 

However, with Operetta’s help, she’d been able to get in touch with a tattoo artist who did cover-up tattoos on self-harmers and former trafficking victims like herself, as a means to help them move on from their past. Clawdeen didn’t know how she could ever thank Christopher enough for the work he had done. 

With a skilled hand, he had helped her figure out how to cover up the tattoos and bit by bit, replace them with intricate, colorful pictures that spoke little stories about herself.  They were markings that showcased Clawdeen as who she was, rather than the piss-poor lines that only showcased “Selena” as another man’s toy to be owned. 

On her right upper arm, where once a sloppily drawn heart and crude words that proclaimed her as having as little value as something in the gutter desecrated her flesh, was now a beautiful, heavily detailed portrait of  a luna moth set against a night sky, with a bright crescent moon shining far above it. It was meant as a nod to her heritage- luna moths were seen as sacred in werewolf culture, many considering them a symbol of rebirth that came with every moon cycle. 

Between her shoulder blades, the poorly drawn money bag that had the prices of  various degrading sexual activities she’d been forced to perform had been replaced with that of a tattoo of a bull skull- a nod to her zodiac sign- surrounded by amazingly detailed roses of various colors. 

Her lower back cover-up had been the largest and took the most amount of time, due to the location and  the sheer darkness of the original, but the pain and long process had all been worth it, so much so that Clawdeen remembered she had cried when it was finally done and she got to see the complete picture in the mirror. Her most shameful tattoo- the one that displayed Aran’s name across her lower back- had been covered up by a large scene of a desert at night,  with the focal point of the picture being a coiled up rattlesnake that hissed as it lay between a pile of precious gemstones. 

Clawdeen had never felt so free once she got them. It was another step away from her dark past, another chain that she’d broken free from. It had taken her a long time to feel comfortable in her body and embrace her scars, but at least with the tattoos, another part of the control Aran exerted over her was now gone. 

She traced the outline of her luna moth tattoo with her fingers. The sensation of her claws lightly scratching at her  skin made her break out in a pleasant wave of goosebumps. 

“And now, when you see me, you will only know them,” she murmured to herself, looking down her stomach, “You’ll only beauty. No gray areas...”

Her baby bump just jutted out against the tight fabric of her blouse. There was something about it that made  something warm flood Clawdeen’s chest. 

She placed both hands against her stomach and looked up, staring off at her reflection head-on with a contemplative look.

Yes, that would be wonderful. Her child would know beauty.  They would know beauty and love and kindness. They would never experience the hardship or the pain their mother had to go through. They wouldn’t know the ugliness of the world that she had to face. No, she wouldn’t let that happen.

The very thought of it made her sick. A small lump appeared in her throat at the memory of those dark times; she’d seen and done things that nobody should have ever had to experience. To even think about her pup being in that position- of them having to go through the things she had- it was enough to make her want to  vomit. 

No, her child wouldn’t go through that. 

Giving the swell a small rub, Clawdeen took a deep breath to calm herself. She looked back down at her stomach. 

“I love you,” she said to it quietly, “I don’t want to lose you.” 

She held herself like that for a few minutes, before she shook her head and turned around to her desk. She reached for where her diePod lay and connected it to the small speaker she had lying next to it, before shuffling through her playlists and selecting one. 

The bright, upbeat sounds of Catty Noir filled the room as she went back to work. 

* * *

After she finished up with her dress, Clawdeen took the rest of the day to get some stuff down around the house. She went to her office and spent a few hours getting some paperwork done for the company; with the new season rolling around, her team had to start figuring out the labour costs for new garments they had planned on releasing and the budgets for the materials they had in mind. 

Romulus came home right as she finished, having picked up something from Fazbear’s Burgers. They chatted about each other’s day as they ate in the living room, the TV on with the current season of the show they were on playing. 

“Mmmmmh,” Clawdeen murmured satisfactorily as she chewed her burger, “So good...”

Romulus raised a brow at the expression on her face and chuckled as he set down the large cola he’d ordered. 

“Should I be concerned that you and that burger may have something going on while I’m not here?” he joked. 

Clawdeen glared at him. “Oh, shut up.” 

After they finished their meal and spent some quality time watching TV together, they turned off the lights and headed up to their bedroom to get ready for bed. Clawdeen wanted to take a shower before then and picked out some pajamas, before she shimmied out of her clothes and into her robe and headed to the bathroom. 

“Have you talked to Sam yet?” Romulus asked her as he entered after her, “About when you can go on maternity leave and how long you’ll be gone for?”

Clawdeen paused from where she was removing her makeup with a wipe; she looked at him from the mirror, before she sighed and looked down. 

“No, not yet,” she said, “I haven’t had the time too.” 

She didn’t have to look back up to know that Romulus was frowning at her. He crossed his arms and leaned against the sink, giving her a disapproving glare. 

“You _have_ to tell her soon, ‘Deen,” he said, “It’s the start of the new year, I know how things get for you guys around this time. You can’t be staying up all night meeting deadlines and losing sleep in these next few months. You need time to relax and take it easy. All this stress isn’t going to be good for you or the baby.” 

“I _will,”_ Clawdeen insisted, a bit defensively, “I just...I need to figure out the right time.” 

And she was going to. Truthfully, she was. It was just hard gathering up the courage to tell her boss something so intimate and personal. Though she was reaching a point where she was starting to become more confident and comfortable in her pregnancy, there was still a big part of her who was reluctant to let anyone know about the baby. 

Romulus’s gaze softened on her. He tilted his head to try and meet her eyes. 

“Clawdeen...” 

She turned and gave him a look. “I will, okay? I will, soon.” 

He didn’t seem like he believed her, but he let it go for the moment and just nodded, “Okay.” 

“Okay,” Clawdeen reiterated. She took off the rest of her makeup and threw the soiled remover wipe away; she then removed her earrings, before she turned to the shower and leaned over to turn the water on, adjusting the settings to get it the temperature she wanted. 

Once she felt it was warm enough, she pulled back the shower curtain; the hot steam greeted her as she stepped into the tub and pulled it back, allowing herself to be enveloped by the hot water as she stepped under the spray. 

She tilted her head up, getting her hair wet and sighing as the warm temperature helped to soothe her aching muscles. She grabbed the bottle of shampoo and began washing her hair, lathering her curls in thick suds as the sweet fragrance of pear and lilies filled the wet air. 

“I’m going to get some water,” Romulus called from the entrance of the bathroom, “Do you want anything while I’m downstairs?”

“No,” Clawdeen said, turning around as she scrubbed hair to rinse it out, “I’ll be fine.” 

“Okay,” Romulus answered. She heard him close the door, before a minute later, she could hear his footsteps trek down the hall to the stairs. 

Now alone, Clawdeen thought back to her schedule for the weekend. She poured some body wash into her hand and began washing herself as she made a mental list of all the things that needed to get done. 

Crescent had a vet appointment at noon on Saturday; Romulus wanted had insisted she try to ask Howleen to take her, but Clawdeen put her foot down. _They said not to change the kitty litter, Rom, not refrain from being her owner completely!_ She had said with a frown. She knew he was only looking out for her, but she was pregnant, not an invalid. 

Besides that, she needed to go to the post office, and Manny and Clawd were supposed to be coming over to help Romulus with the fence. She also still needed to get back to her brother about if she could watch her niece for an hour. 

Clawdeen snorted, rubbing a patch of fur on her stomach in circular motions. “I don’t need any babysitting experience to prepare. I’ve had plenty of experience just having to help Mom all the time...” she murmured to herself in amusement. 

She washed an area of fur that lay under her belly button. She stared at the shower wall, humming to herself as she went back to her back to her checklist. 

Her stomach suddenly shifted, and she felt something nudge her under her palm. 

Clawdeen stiffened. Her eyes widened. 

Her gaze shot down to her midsection. She lifted her hand and stared down, in complete shock at what she had just felt. 

Did she just…? Or was she imagining things? 

Slowly, she pressed her hand back around her stomach. With her index and fingers, she lightly tapped on her skin, then waited and rested her fingers across the cusp. 

A second passed. 

Then, just like before, she felt another small nudge under her hand, right in that same spot. 

Clawdeen was completely breathless. She couldn’t believe that this was happening. 

She never thought she’d get to this point…

Tears flooded her eyes. She was smiling, though, as her gaze turned loving as she continued to gaze at her stomach. 

“Are you trying to talk to me?” she asked softly, lightly rubbing the area. She was rewarded with another small nudge, which made her grin with happiness. 

Excitement ran through her as she looked up. She hurriedly turned off the water and got out of the shower, grabbing her towel and wrapping it around herself as she pushed her wet hair back. 

“Rom! Come here!” she called out, “Hurry!” 

“ _Deen?”_ she heard him call down in concern, before his footsteps pounded up the stairs as he hurried back into the bedroom. Clawdeen was waiting for him beside the shower as he barged into the bathroom, his eyes wide. 

“What? What is it, what’s wrong?” he asked worriedly as he looked over her body and behind her, trying to see what was the cause of the alarm. 

Clawdeen just smiled at him and held her arm out. “Give me your hand.” 

He just stared at her, his thick brows knitting in confusion at her calmness. From the way she was calling to him, it seemed like it was an emergency. Frowning, Romulus slowly held his hand out to her. 

Clawdeen took it and opened her towel, allowing the front of her to be seen as she pressed it against her stomach. She said, “Watch this.” 

She lightly tapped one side above her hip, where his fingertips were resting. Romulus just tilted his head and gave her a puzzled look. 

“What are you-” he began to ask. 

Near where she had tapped, Clawdeen felt another small fluttering sensation against her stomach. She watched, knowing he had felt it too, as suddenly he cut himself off. 

His eyes went wide, before they shot up to meet hers. Clawdeen smiled at him and nodded, as if answering a silent question between them. 

Romulus looked down at where his hand was pressed against her. 

“They...They kicked!” he exclaimed in astonishment. 

“Yeah...” Clawdeen said, her eyes glossy as she looked up at him. 

His eyes softened; slowly, a smile stretched onto his handsome features. He lowered himself to his knees and put his hand on either side of her stomach, staring lovingly at it. 

“They’re really trying to talk, now,” he murmured, “Make sure we know that they’re here.” 

He leaned forward and lightly kissed Clawdeen’s stomach. Clawdeen smiled down at him and lightly petted his hair. 

“They want to make sure that they can get as much of Daddy’s loving as they can,” she said gently. 

Romulus pulled away from her belly and looked up at her, smiling at her with the warmth and tenderness of a man who was clearly in love. He kept eye contact with her as he stood back up, his hands still grasping her stomach. 

He leaned in and kissed her. Clawdeen smiled against his lips and responded back with fervor. She felt him tug at her towel, and broke apart from him to look down to see him taking the sides of the wel from her hands and pulling it away, leaving her briefly in the nude, before he wrapped it around her shoulders like a blanket, once again covering her up and providing some warmth for her. 

“Come on,” he said, taking her hand in his and lacing their fingers together, “Let’s go to bed.” 

Clawdeen brought his hand to kiss the back of his knuckles, before she allowed him to lead her out of the bathroom. She was slightly chilly from the cold air starting to seep into her wet fur, but she was too consumed with glee to really care about the way she was shivering. 

Her baby moved. Her baby was talking to her. 

And soon, if her good luck continued, she’d be able to talk to them face-to-face. 


	8. Chapter 7: Blessings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little short compared to the other chapters, but I thought you all would enjoy some simple fluff ;)

“You know,” Howleen said, crossing her arms behind her head and leaning back in her chair, “With how far along she is now, you guys should probably start thinking of names soon.” 

Clawdeen glanced at her from where she sat beside Romulus on their couch. The two of them were joined by her, Draculaura, Clawd and Pawstin in their living room, having decided to get together for a day of fanging out. Outside, the weather was absolutely dreary as the week plagued them with constant thunderstorms; rain pounded in sheets against the window, while the skies were dark and thunder rolled in the distance. It made the toastiness of the heat inside and the soft lighting a nice contrast. 

At the comment, Clawd and Laura looked in their direction. Clawdeen tapped on the can of grape soda she was holding and looked down at it. 

“It’s not like we haven’t,” she said a bit defensively, “We just...haven’t talked about it.” 

“AKA, you haven’t given it any thought,” Howleen said, earning a glare from her sister. 

Romulus smirked, “Hey, it’s not like we’re in a rush. We’ve still got almost six months- plenty of time to figure out what this little furball is going to be named.” 

He reached over and rubbed the top of Clawdeen’s stomach as he did so. Clawdeen smiled at him and adjusted to lay her hand over his. At twenty weeks, she was now well into the second trimester and her stomach had become noticeably swollen to the point that there was no use hiding it anymore. 

Little by little, they were starting to let more of their friends and families know the news. The wampus cat was now out of the bag and all of the ghouls in Clawdeen’s inner circle now knew; it had inspired much excited shrieking from all of them as Clawdeen finally revealed the truth and a group hug so tightly she had thought for a second they were going to break her ribs. 

It was a reminder, though, how much she was loved and cared about, and she’d be lying if she said she hadn’t shed a few tears of joy with them as they all rejoiced in her revelation. 

Howleen had been told a couple days ago; she surprisingly took the info that her and Romulus had known all along better than Clawdeen had thought. Her only remark was that she had _better_ be asked to be the one to help organize the baby shower. 

“That’s what everyone says,” Clawd pointed out, “But then they never do it, and then lo and behold, they still don’t have a clue the day baby comes out and doc doesn’t know what to put on the birth certificate. You better get a move on while you have time- I mean, what if you found out you’re having twins? Then you need to think of other names, too.”

Clawdeen  felt herself pale at the idea, but quickly shook her head. She rolled her eyes, “You act like I’m putting it off at the last second. We’re going to think of names, geez.” 

“And besides, how long did it take _you_ two to figure out what you were going to name Pawstin?” Romulus asked. 

Clawd just grinned at him smugly, “About a month after Laura found out she was pregnant.  We both favored that name for a boy.” 

That just earned him a glare from Romulus. The former just grinned, satisfied with the potential ammo being lost on him. 

Pawstin, who had been  occupying himself by playing with his toy garbage truck and his action figures, suddenly looked up and gave Clawdeen a  toothy grin. 

“Aunt Deenie, why don’t you call them Rex? That’s a cool name!” he exclaimed, holding up his action figure, “Just like Rex Rageatron!” 

Clawdeen chuckled, “I’ll keep that one in mind.”

Pawstin grinned,  clearly satisfied with his suggestion seemingly being taken into consideration, and went back to playing with his toys. 

“Come on, there has to be _some_ names you’re favoring,” Clawd insisted, “Something you’ve kept at the back of your mind, or thought had a nice ring to it once or twice.” 

Clawdeen bit her lip and looked up at the ceiling, wrinkling her nose as she tried to  think of the first choices that came to mind. 

“Well...” she said, “I like Howlland...and Gerimy...or Medeina...I always thought Medeina had a nice ring to it.” 

“What about Luna?” Draculaura suggested. 

“Ugh, no,” Romulus answered, “That’s the most basic, most boring name any wolf could have. It’s like a normie naming their kid John or Bill- it’s so _bland.”_

“How about Adleline?” Howleen brought up. 

Both Clawdeen and Rom shook their heads. 

“Kiba?” Clawd listed out. 

Clawdeen quirked the corner of her mouth up in thought, before she frowned. “Hmmm, no.” 

Draculaura tried again, “Clawrice?” 

“Oh _god_ no,” Romulus replied, “No way I’m going to torture my poor kid by putting that lifetime of movie reference jokes on their shoulders. 

Clawd frowned and gave him a look, one of his brows raised. “ Well, what about  _you,_ Mr. Smartass?” he asked, “Since you’re so keen on shooting down all our ideas, what do you have in mind?” 

Romulus just stroked his chin as his eyes took on a brief faraway look  and he thought about the question. 

“I mean, I kinda always had a soft spot for Clawlivia, or Sirius. Maybe Susi, after my grandmother...”

At his comment, Clawd een gave him a thoughtful look.

“You know,” she said, “I’ve always liked your middle name.”

Romulus just turned to her and gave her a look of disbelief, his mouth twisting up in a grimace. 

“‘Zilar?’ Seriously?” he asked, “You want to burden our kid with a name like Zilar?” 

“Zilar’s a nice name!” Clawdeen argued, “It’s got that nice old-fashioned feel, it’s traditional-” 

“And so incredibly obnoxious?” Romulus replied doubtfully, “I mean, fancy Basque pronunciation aside, what kind of name is ‘Romulus Silver?’ That’s like naming your kid ‘green’ or ‘black.’” 

“I like it,” Laura offered, “It’s got a bit of an exotic flair to it.” 

“He’s got a point, though,” Howleen refuted, shrugging, “I mean, what if he gets Clawdeen’s coloring? Then he’d be ‘Silver’ the brown wolf.” 

Clawdeen just waved her and Romulus off, “I don’t see you two coming up with something better.” 

“I think Sirius could work,” Clawd said, “If you have a boy.”

Laura nodded in agreement, though she added, “His middle name would have to be something that balances with that, though. Something that fits without being too out-there that it makes the whole thing go together weirdly.” 

“I can barely think of a first name, and already you want middle names?” Clawdeen remarked to her jokingly, “We’ll be here all day.” 

Laura just shrugged, “Well, it’s not like we have anything better to do.” 

She gestured to the  windows, where outside, the storm raged on and the rain came down like marbles on the sidewalk. 

Clawdeen crossed her arms and sat back on the seat. She furrowed her brows,  trying to think of a name that stuck out to her, one that she really was leaning towards. There were so many names that she thought of; should she choose one that was particularly indicative of her heritage? Or a more modern one? Should the baby have a long name, or a short one? And how did they even want their name to be spelled? 

Suddenly, one particular name stuck out to her. She mulled over it for a few seconds, before she finally spoke up. 

“I like the name Furla,” she said quietly. 

Everyone lifted their heads and glanced in her direction. She kept her gaze on the table, like she was still thinking it over, before she finally meet their eyes. 

Howleen turned and  jutted her lips out as she looked blankly at the wall, before she slowly began to nod. 

“Furla,” she repeated, “I like it.” 

“Me, too,” Clawd said with a smile, “Short and sweet.” 

Clawdeen turned to Romulus, curious. “What do you think?” she asked, “Yay or nay?” 

“Maybe,” he answered her, “We’ll still need a middle name, though. Something to complete it.”

Something flickered in his eyes as  a thought seemed to come to his mind. Clawdeen tilted her head at him, wondering what it was. 

“What?” she asked.

He looked down at her  with a soft smile, his eyes sparkling with excitement at what he’d thought of. 

“Aysel,” he said, “It’s Turkish for ‘moon stream.’ The perfect name for a baby ghoul.” 

Clawdeen blinked. She considered  it, letting it roll off her tongue, “Aysel...” 

“Furla...Aysel...” Draculaura sounded it out slowly. That made Clawdeen’s eyes widen. 

“I love it,” Howleen grinned, “It’s nice and simple, with a unique twist without being too pretentious.” 

“Furla Aysel,” Clawdeen repeated, seeing how it sounded for herself. 

Y eah, she liked the sound of that. She rubbed her stomach, a slow smile coming onto her face as she thought more about it. 

Yes, her little Furla. Her precious pearl, indeed…

Romulus watched her reaction and smiled. “I think we got a winner,” he said. 

“Okay, so we got one for a ghoul,” Clawd said, “But what about if it’s a boy? You should still have one, just in case.”

Laura added, “I still think Sirius is a good choice. It has the same level of elegance to it as Aysel.”

“Hmmm, I don’t know,” Clawdeen said, “I’m kinda liking the sound of Septimus more...”

“Oooh, that’s a good one!” the vampire replied, “It’s got that old gothic energy to it.” 

Howleen suggested, “Well, why not just put them together like we just did with the ghouls’ names?” 

“‘Sirius Septimus?’ Fuck that!” Clawdeen exclaimed with a laugh, “None of that double alliteration bullshit. Plus it just sounds like a mouthful.” 

She calmed and  tried to search through the small list she’d created to try and come up with a good companion for  either name. 

An idea suddenly came to her, and she looked up at the four of them. 

“How about my dad’s name?” she suggested, “For the middle name?” 

That made them all raise their brows in surprise. They shared looks with each other, before turning back to her. Clawdeen awaited their feelings on it. 

“Sirius Clawrk,” Romulus said, “Septimus Clawrk...” 

The corners of his mouth tilted up in another grin. “ I admit, I’m a little biased for the first one, but either one works fine enough for me.” 

Clawd looked at Clawdeen with  pride. “I know Dad will really appreciate hearing that you considered him,” he commented, “He’ll definitely feel honored.” 

Clawdeen replied with her own smile. “He’s always been one of my biggest supports; I just want to show him how grateful I find all that support.” 

“Oh, and I suppose Mom’s chopped liver now?” Howleen joked, “I’m sure that will mean a lot to her- her potential grandson gets the honor of being named after her husband, but she gets hung out to dry.” 

“Aw, shut up,” Clawdeen said, though she was grinning, “You know that’s not my intent.”

She sat back, thinking fondly of the names they’d decided. 

Furla Aysel and Sirius Clawrk. 

She quite liked the sound of either. It was only a matter of time before they found out which name the baby would be getting. 

(If, hopefully, there  _was_ only one baby).

* * *

A week later, Clawdeen found herself back in the hospital lobby, patiently waiting for Viveka to come out and call her name. Unlike her previous visits, though, Romulus now sat next to her,  his brows furrowed as he scrolled through an app on his phone. 

Clawdeen turned to him and smiled, putting a hand on his arm.

“Thanks for coming with me,” she said, “You know you didn’t have to.” 

Romulus looked up from his phone and smiled at her. He reached over and took her hand in his, and he leaned over to kiss her cheek. 

“Hey, you shouldn’t have to do all this by yourself,” he commented, “What kind of husband would I be if I didn’t keep up to date with how everything’s going?” 

Clawdeen smiled at him and brought his hand up to kiss it. Just then,  she spotted a familiar tall, green-skinned woman emerge from the back hallways of the treatment and raised her head to see Viveka looking out on the waiting area trying to find her. 

She stood up  and gathered her purse in her arms. Romulus glanced to see where she was looking and stood up as well. He kept an arm around her shoulders as they started walking towards Viveka, who turned at the sight of their movement and smiled. 

“Aw, hello!” the simulacrum greeted, “How have you been doing, Clawdeen?” 

“I’ve been fine,” Clawdeen said as she started to follow her, one hand on her stomach, “Baby’s been kicking like crazy, not letting me sleep and making me get up every hour to pee.” 

Viveka chuckled, “Well, at least they’re letting you know they’re still there.” 

She led them into a room that had the ultrasound machine and instructed Claw deen to sit up on the large chair that rested next to the machine. Clawdeen handed Romulus her purse and reached down to unbutton her jeans. 

“Oh, yeah, take it off,” Romulus joked as she unzipped her fly, “Just like that one night that got us here in the first place.” 

He grinned cheekily as Clawdeen shot him a death glare over her shoulder, her eyes wide that he would say such a thing with Viveka being present, before she just rolled her eyes and turned back to pull up her shirt to expose her stomach. Romulus just chuckled as he caught a flash of her giving him the bird as she took her jacket off. 

“Don’t worry, it’s not like it’s anything I haven’t known about for at least a hundred years,” Viveka commented, catching the disapproving look the she-wolf had shot towards her husband as she turned the machine on and grabbed the wand. 

Clawdeen sighed, “Don’t encourage him, please.” 

She sat back as Viveka turned the lights off, leaving the three of them enshrouded in slight darkness as the screen of the ultrasound machine became the only source of light, encasing them all in a light blue glow. 

Viveka grabbed the bottle of  blue gel from the desk next to her and wheeled back over to the two wolves, swiveling on her stool. She regarded Clawdeen with a n inquisitive look as she unscrewed the cap. 

“Besides the kicking, everything else all right?” she asked, “No severe bleeding or pain? Any fainting spells or other things?” 

Clawdeen shook her head, “Nope. I’ve been a little tired, but that’s it.”

“Well, _that_ could also be because she’s still insisting on working herself like a racehorse,” Romulus said from where he’d taken a seat beside her, “I keep telling her to tell the boss she needs time off, but you can’t ever keep the go-getter down.” 

Viveka let out a small laugh at the way Clawdeen shot him another glare through narrowed eyes, though Romulus just shrugged and returned her an expression with a ‘am I wrong, though?’ type of look. 

As always whenever she’d come in for an ultrasound, Viveka turned the bottle upside down and squirted some conductivity gel onto Clawdeen’s stomach; Clawdeen let out a small hiss as the cold gel made contact with her bare skin, causing a round of goosebumps to break out. 

Viveka pressed the ultrasound wand to that area and started moving it around. Up on the screen,  a black and white blur started to appear, before a little figure appeared in the middle against a black circular background. 

“And there they are,” Viveka said with a smile, her eyes on the screen as she moved the wand around a little more to get a more focused image, “Resting and waiting.” 

Clawdeen felt herself smile as she took in the image of the baby. Unlike the first time, where it was little more than a little blob that was no more bigger than  an inch or so, now the baby took up almost the entire screen and she could make out several features. She could clearly see the head, their little hands, their tiny nose and their mouth. 

A warm feeling of bliss overtook her as she drank in the image.  _You’re right there,_ she thought lovingly,  _You sure look comfortable in there._

“That’s our baby?” she heard Romulus ask in disbelief. 

She rolled her head from where it was resting on the pillow behind her to look at him. He stared at the screen with an awestruck expression, his eyes absolutely mesmerized as they took in the slightly moving image, his mouth hanging open in shock. Clawdeen smiled at his reaction. 

“That’s right, that’s your baby,” Viveka confirmed, giving the two of them a smile. She moved the wand a little more and pointed, “And there’s the feet right there. And the umbilical cord. And the ears...” 

Romulus scoffed, and Clawdeen watched as his mouth quirked up in a smile. His eyes were soft with amazement as he took into the little details of the baby’s development as Viveka continued to point them out to them.

“Everything’s there,” Clawdeen replied softly to him, reaching up to take a hold of his hand from where it’d been resting beside him, “They’re growing stronger every day.” 

Romulus looked down at her and smiled lovingly at her. He leaned down and caught her lips in a gentle kiss. Clawdeen smiled against his lips and returned it. 

They broke apart as Viveka moved the wand over to the other side of Clawdeen’s stomach, and a sudden fast-paced, white noise-like beating sound came from the ultrasound machine. They looked at the screen to see that the image had changed so now it was consistently shifting, the baby’s body now out of sight. 

“There’s the heartbeat,” Viveka explained.

“It sounds so fast...” Clawdeen commented. 

“That’s normal,” was Viveka’s reply, “Since the heart’s not fully formed yet, it can’t beat as hard, so it pumps faster to generate regular blood flow. It will slow down to the same rate as yours and mine once the cardiac muscles are fully developed.” 

The three of them fell silent and took a couple of seconds to listen to the heart rate. Clawdeen felt her happiness grow as she heard the sound. It was like another reassurance- her baby was in there, and healthy and _alive_. 

“That’s good...” Romulus murmured, “That’s really good...” 

“They sound so sweet,” Clawdeen commented, her gaze loving as she continued to stare at the image. 

Viveka looked at the both of them out of the corner of her eye, taking in the obvious happiness in their expressions as they watched their baby move around. 

“...You know, if you want, we should be able to find out the baby’s sex,” she proposed. 

Clawdeen’s stare broke from the screen to glance at her, her eyes widening with surprise. 

“R-Really?” she asked, “You can do that?” 

“Of course,” Viveka answered with a smile, “I just have to adjust my viewpoint to get a good vantage point, and I should be able to determine it.” 

Clawdeen gaped at her, her mouth falling open at the proposition. She looked at Romulus for his opinion. 

In all her pregnancies, she’d never made it close enough to find out what she was having. Her previous miscarriages had occurred when she was still early in her pregnancy, leaving her with only her imagination as she grieved and tried to get past the pain of all the what could’ve been’s. 

But now, though, the chance was right there in front of her. 

She didn’t think she’d make it this far. She took a second to consider. 

Part of her was hesitant; she didn’t want to find out and then be bombarded by all her friends and family with all these preconceived notions about the baby just merely based on the gender. It weirded her out, people who’d make remarks about “all the boys who’d be chasing her” when someone showed they had a baby ghoul when said baby was literally only a few weeks old, or how when someone had a boy they were already trying to insist that him and any ghouls he played with had to be “dating”. It was one thing to buy just pink or just blue, but the idea that ghouls couldn’t wear stuff printed with dinosaurs, or a boy couldn’t wear something with flowers on it was something she fully disagreed with and found ridiculous. They were just clothes, after all. 

But, what if she lost _this one_ as well? What if, despite how far she got, something went wrong and she still lost this pup like all the others? She may never get a chance to know. 

Biting her lip, she looked up at Romulus. “Rom...” 

He nodded at her, understanding in his eyes. “Whatever you decide, baby, I’m with you.” 

Clawdeen gave him a grateful look. She turned back to Viveka, who was waiting patiently. 

“Yes,” Clawdeen finally said, “I want to know.” 

“Okay,” Viveka replied. She turned her attention back to the screen as she adjusted the wand, moving it around a little more until it settled on the angle she seemed to be looking for. 

The screen now presented a viewpoint where they could see the baby’s bottom and legs. Clawdeen gave a small giggle as she saw the right leg flex and give a small kick, one she felt. She put her hand to that spot. _Do you know we’re talking about you?_ She thought with amusement. 

“You see that?” Viveka explained, pointing to where the baby’s legs looked spread from their view, “This is the apex of the legs. The genitals start forming at around fourteen weeks; with males we tend to see a small bud around here that sticks out that should be the penis.” 

She pointed to a different part of the image, “If it were a boy, we would see a small little nub or something here. Instead, as you can see, we see these three small lines, which indicate that the labia have formed.” 

“So...S-So that means…?” Clawdeen trailed off. 

“We’re having a…?” Romulus asked, equally baffled. 

Viveka turned to them and smiled, and gave a small nod. 

“You two,” she confirmed, “Are going to have a baby girl.” 

Clawdeen gasped, taken aback by the news. She felt her heart flutter in excitement. 

“A girl...” she repeated, starstruck. 

Her daughter. Her little Furla Aysel. 

The happiness she felt in that moment was so strong it was almost overwhelming. A great big grin broke out on her face and she looked at Romulus excitedly. 

“We’re having a...” she said. 

Romulus nodded, smiling brightly and looking just as excited, “A baby girl. We’re going to have a daughter...” 

They were going to have a daughter. They were going to have a _baby,_ who now had a name and a fingers and toes and a nose and mouth and was kicking as she rested in her womb. It was like it just hit Clawdeen exactly all that this meant. 

Her pup was growing stronger day by day. And in a few months’ time, Clawdeen would hold her and see her for the first timea

Her heart swelled with such bliss that she thought it would pop. The thought brought her nearly to tears, but they would be ones of excitement. 

“Rom...” she called out to him, her voice thick. 

Romulus smiled and brought her in for a tight hug. Clawdeen hugged him back, happy tears streaming down her cheeks as she laughed with fervor. Viveka smiled at the sight and gave the two of them a moment to revel in their joy.

Everything was going as it should. Everything was falling into place. 

Any reluctance or hesitation Clawdeen had, she could feel start to melt away. 

Now, she could hardly wait for what was to come in the next few months. 


	9. Chapter 8: Blast From The Past

She could feel Romulus’s eyes on her, watching her with amusement at her struggle to accomplish the current task, but she tried to ignore it, refusing to give him the satisfaction.

Seated on top of the covers of their bed, Clawdeen was bent way over, struggling to extend her arm long enough to reach her toes in order to swipe a new coat of nail polish over them. With her stomach in the way, though, it was proving harder than she thought.

“Come on...” she muttered, trying to wriggle the brush as far as she could from where it was clenched between her thumb and forefinger, “Come on...”

It was just maybe a half inch or so too short for her foot. Clawdeen grit her teeth in frustration.

“You know, if you need a little help, there’s always the nail place in town,” Romulus commented from where he stood ironing his work shirt, clearly enjoying the scene.

“Shut up,” Clawdeen muttered, lifting her gaze to give him a dirty look, “If you’re not going to help, then don’t give your two cents.”

Now at twenty-five weeks, her stomach now had a noticeable swell to it, and with it came a whole new range of complications. The morning sickness, thankfully, had gone away, but now she was finding she had to pee what felt like every hour, her back and her ankles constantly hurt, and it was harder for her to even so much as move around when she lay down, her big belly feeling like a giant anchor that made every little thing like bending over feel like she had exert as much energy as she would lifting weights.

Sticking her tongue out in concentration, Clawdeen tried bending over further to reach her toes. Her stomach acted as a cushion that held her back, though, and as she went too far over, she had to pull back with a wince as her lower back gave out a sharp ache.

She tried to sit up and pull her knee to her, but once again, her stomach got in the way, and she couldn’t pull her leg up as much as she wanted. The only way she could reach her toes was to move her arm around at an awkward angle. Clawdeen gave a growl and pouted; her bare sharp toes looked back at her, devoid of any polish.

It wasn’t that big of a deal, but it was enough to make her eyes water with frustration. Her hormones had been off the charts lately and it seemed like even the most trivial thing made her either want to cry or scream her head off in anger.

“Dammit,” Clawdeen said, trying to blink the tears away.

She was about to give up, when she heard Romulus set the iron down and shuffle over to her; she looked up at him in surprise as he took a seat in front of her so that he was on the edge, before he grabbed her ankle and rested it in his lap.

“Come on, give it here,” he said, holding out his hand as he gestured to the bottle of nail polish.

Clawdeen blinked at him, before she realized what he was doing and smiled, handing him the polish.

“Well, well, I’m going to enjoy this,” she said,” sitting back on her palms as she watched him, “Just remember it’s supposed to go _on_ my toenails, not all over my foot.” 

“You have little faith, but I don’t hear you protesting,” Romulus replied as he dipped the applicator back in the bottle, before he set the latter aside on the bed post and picked up her foot to bring it closer to him, “You just looked so pitiful doing it all yourself, I thought I’d give you a hand.

“Besides, I painted my sisters’ nails all the time,” he said, “I know a thing or two about staying inside the lines.” 

Clawdeen chuckled as he bent over and began to paint her big toe; it was a little humorous, to see the completely serious look in his eye as he carefully applied a thick coat of  light green polish onto her pointed nail, taking extra precaution to not get any on her skin. He applied one careful swipe upwards on the right, before filling the rest of it with another streak on the right. 

“Did they ever paint yours?” she asked. 

“Oh, yeah,” Romulus said, “Even when I didn’t ask for it. They always liked to use me as their guinea pig to see how the colors looked or the quality turned out. I hated it at first, but hey, I’d like to think I look good in some hot pink French tips.” 

He looked up at her  and shot her a grin, making her giggle at the imagery. 

They fell into a peaceful silence as he continued to help her paint her toes. Clawdeen lay back on the bed and watched him with a serene expression, her hand resting lightly over her stomach. 

Through all the hard times, she could always count on him to have her back.

* * *

Clawdeen sat at the table in the dining room,  her planner open in front of her as she wrote down her upcoming schedule for the month. Her laptop lay closed next to her elbow. In the kitchen, she could hear Romulus moving around as he prepared drinks for the both of them. 

“You know, you’re going to ruin your mouth if you keep drinking these things,” she heard him comment as he came up and placed a glass of sparkling cherry lemonade in front of her, “I heard acid reflux is already bad with pregnant women, I can’t imagine what this might do with it.”

That just got him Clawdeen sticking her tongue out at him. She shrugged him off and took the glass to take a big gulp of her drink. 

“I don’t see you trying to stop me,” she pointed out, before she rubbed her stomach, “Besides, I can’t help it. The baby craves what she craves.”

“Oh, yeah, blame the baby,” Romulus chuckled, “I’m sure the baby is also the one who’s stealing the sheets from me at night?” 

Clawdeen replied, “I get cold!  My body temperature’s all out of whack now! Besides, you steal them first!” 

Romulus just laughed at that and walked over to where their bar was to fix himself a cocktail. 

Taking another sip through her straw, Clawdeen set her drink down and finished up adding the last event she had for the month in her planner. She then closed it and pushed it aside so she could grab her laptop and set it in front of her, opening it and opening up a webpage. 

She logged into her e-mail and started going through her inbox, deleting the spam that had managed to get past her junk folder and reading through the important ones. There was one from Viveka that showed her latest bloodwork results- nothing out of the ordinary, Viveka had said, though  she said Clawdeen may have wanted to consider buying some Vitamin B supplements, since they were looking a little low. 

As she scanned the headers for the other unanswered messages, Clawdeen suddenly paused as her eyes landed on the most recent one that had been sent. 

_ Please Just Read This _ , was what the message had been titled. It had been sent just that morning. 

Clawdeen furrowed her brows and glanced at the sender. The e-mail address was one she didn’t recognize- someone by the username of “ findingthefuture_84”. 

An odd sense of deja vu started to come over her as she scrolled her mouse over to the message and opened it, beginning to read what was contained inside. 

_ Clawdeen,  _

_ I know you probably hate me more than ever and I wouldn’t blame you for never wanting to hear another word from me, but please, before you delete this, please just take a second to hear me out.  _

_ I need to speak to you, just one last time. I need to make things right, to let you know why I did it, why this all happened. I need a chance to see you, if only so I can finally apologize.  _

_ Please, send me a message when you can. We can do it all your way- name the place, time, anything, it’s all your call. Please just...just get back to me. _

_ Please, let me make things right. Let me explain yourself.  _

_ Gem _

Clawdeen felt as if someone had just dumped a bucket of ice water on her. 

She stared at the message, her eyes bugging out and her mouth falling open as she re-read the words in disbelief. Her hands went still on her keyboard. 

Her heart rate started to pick up. Within seconds, it was beating rapidly, like she had just run a marathon. Her palms went sweaty and she felt her breath hitch. 

This couldn’t be real. 

This couldn’t be from _her._

Why...Why did she send Clawdeen this? Why now? 

How did she find her e-mail address? 

A strong sense of unease fell on her shoulders as she felt her hackles rise up, while a thing of goosebumps broke out on her skin. 

It was from Gem. 

Clawdeen hadn’t thought about her in years. Last she’d heard, the fairy was still in jail. 

Still in jail and far away from her, where she would hopefully never touch Clawdeen again. Someone who Clawdeen had thought she’d never have to think about ever again, after all that she put her through. 

And now, after all these years, here she was, out of the blue, sending Clawdeen an e-mail, begging for the two of them to meet again. 

How did she even _know_ where to contact her? The only e-mail address Clawdeen gave out was for work, which was sent to the same inbox as her personal e-mail, that she never gave out to anyone. 

If she knew Clawdeen’s e-mail address, then what else did she know? Did she know her actual address? Her work? If she did- Oh god, oh god, _Oh god…_

Her breathing started to turn ragged. She could steadily feel all her senses loosening as she started to panic. 

“Hey, babe,” Romulus said, emerging from the other room. He had his head down as he regarded the bottle of club soda in his hand, “I only found one of these under the bar. Do you know where the other-” 

He was cut off as Clawdeen let out a small whimper. He lifted his head at the noise to see her sitting at the table, her eyes glued to the screen of her laptop with an expression like a sudden computer ghost had just come crawling out from it. Her shoulders went up and down as her breathing was shallow, like she was on the verge of hyperventilating. 

Immediately, Romulus’s senses went on high alert. He set the bottle down on the counter and hurried over to her. 

“Clawdeen?” he called to her as he knelt down next to her, his hands grasping her arms, his voice laced with worry, “Clawdeen? Honey?” 

He squeezed her arms, trying to break her out of her trance. Clawdeen didn’t respond to him at first. She continued to whimper, the sounds like that of a wounded animal, as she stared at the screen with a terrified expression. 

“Clawdeen, look at me, please,” Romulus said, rubbing her arm, “Listen to my voice, okay? I’m right here.” 

Slowly, he finally got her to respond. He watched as she swallowed with what looked to be great difficulty, before she turned away from the screen to look at him. His brow was crinkled with concern as he looked up at her, seeing the tears in her eyes. 

“R-R-Rom...” she stammered out. 

“I’m here,” the silver wolf replied softly, putting a reassuring hand on her cheek, “I’m here, my love. Just breathe, okay?” 

Clawdeen closed her eyes and let out a deep breathe, trying to calm herself down. She felt him gently rub her cheek with his thumb at an attempt of comfort. 

“There you go,” Romulus said gently, “Easy, now, okay?” 

He looked over at the laptop, curious to see what had gotten her so spooked. He pushed himself up so he was standing again and leaned over read the message in full. 

Clawdeen tilted her head up, watching as his eyes darted back and forth to skim the words. They furrowed in confusion at the hastily typed out message, before they suddenly went wide, letting her know he’d seen who’d sent it. 

His gaze suddenly blazed with a severe hatred she’d never seen from him before. His mouth twisted up in a deep frown, before his lips pulled back in a vicious snarl. 

Without any warning, he reached out and slammed the laptop shut, making Clawdeen jump. He stood up straight and turned away from her. 

“I’m calling the police,” he said, his words laced with anger. 

Clawdeen whirled about in her seat, looking at his back. 

“R-Rom, no,” she tried to protest. 

“No way she’s going to do this. Not now,” Romulus growled as he swiped his cellphone off the counter and started punching in numbers. 

“Rom, _no,”_ Clawdeen insisted, pushing herself out of her chair, “I-I, I don’t want make this thing a big deal...” 

Romulus looked up at his phone to gawk at her, as if she’d grown a second head. 

“Big deal?” he repeated in disbelief, “Clawdeen, she’s not supposed to be contacting you! The restraining order’s still in place! And then she’s just going to randomly show up, sending you shit like this? After all that she’s done...”

He looked away, his jaw stiff like he couldn’t even bare to think about all of it. His fists clenched at his sides tightly, to the point the veins on the back of his hands bulged out. Clawdeen watched him, feeling for him.

She crossed her arms. “I-I know,” she said, “But I...”

She trailed off, thinking about Gem’s message and what it said. 

There was absolutely no reason for her to go along with it. Anyone with any shred of compassion or empathy would’ve found it completely reasonable for her to ignore the fairy’s message, or call the police and let them handle it. Romulus was right- by the court order, Gem was in no way to be contacting her, or coming near her. She’d come into Clawdeen’s life and had lavished her with compliments and false promises, before swooping in and trapping her, turning her world upside down and forcing her to live through the most horrible experiences a person could ever go through. 

For many years, Clawdeen had hated her with every fiber in her being. Because of her direct actions, Clawdeen had gone through unspeakable things, had horrific things done to her- some of them which were performed by the fairy herself. The news that Howleen and Rocks had revealed to her all those years ago that she’d finally been caught and her and her pimp were currently serving time was but a small relief to Clawdeen, who’d been content to think that she’d never have to cross paths with the pink -haired ghoul ever again. 

And today, she just sent Clawdeen an e-mail as if nothing had ever happened. 

It was a message filled with desperation. She said she wanted a chance to explain herself- as if anything she could say could justify or alleviate all the years of pain Clawdeen had endured due to her. 

She said she wanted to apologize. To “make things right”. 

By all means, Clawdeen should’ve just deleted it and acted like nothing had ever happened. Or her and Rom go to the cops and let them take care of it. She owed the fairy nothing- not after everything she’d gone through, not after her trust and her friendship had been thrown back in her face in the most egregious of ways. 

Yet...Gem said she wanted to explain herself. To let her know why she did what she did.

Nothing she could say could change what had happened, nor would it ever undo all the years of heartache Clawdeen had to put up with, or the scars that still lingered to this day. 

But for many years, Clawdeen had asked the same questions. Some days, she yearned for confronting the fairy again, if only she could finally tell her off and let her know exactly how deep the betrayal ran and how much Clawdeen despised her. 

For a while, she thought she was content with never knowing. 

But now, she had that chance. Gem was offering to meet with her again; Clawdeen had the chance to say everything that she’d been forced to hold in for so long…

It was probably just all wishful fulfillment, but for that, she found that she couldn’t quite dismiss the fairy’s message. Not yet, at least. 

Realizing that Romulus was still awaiting for her to finish, Clawdeen looked up at him. She sighed.

“I...I don’t want them to know,” she admitted. 

“Why not?” Romulus asked, one brow quirking up in confusion.

Clawdeen refused to answer him. She turned her gaze away from him and it slid to the ground, like she didn’t want to tell him. It seemed to dawn on him what she was thinking, and his expression once again became one of surprise. 

“You’re...You’re not actually thinking of going _along_ with this, are you?!” he questioned. 

“I-I-I don’t know!” Clawdeen exclaimed, “I don’t know what I want. I...” 

She struggled to find the words, barely able to make sense of it herself. “Maybe...maybe if I do, if I play along, I’ll finally get to tell her off or something? O-or get to let her know what I feel-” 

“And hope what? That she’ll cry? That she’ll fall at your knees, begging you for forgiveness?” Romulus cut her off, “For all we know, that’s what she _wants_ you to think. This could just be one big ploy to get you to let your guard down, just like she did the first time.” 

“Oh, gee, thanks for that,” Clawdeen snapped at him, “You’re really great at building my confidence.” 

“I’m not saying that it’s on you,” Romulus defended, “I just don’t want to see you in a position where she can still hurt you again. I mean, for God’s sake, Clawdeen, you looked like you were about to fucking faint just five minutes ago, and that was just from her sending you an _e-mail._

“Do you really think you could face her again, be able to look her in the eye, after everything she’s put you through?” he asked, “Do you really think you can face her without her taking advantage of any vulnerability you might show? That she won’t use that to hurt you more than she already has?” 

“I...” Clawdeen paused, considering his words. 

She thought back to how she had reacted upon her initial read of the e-mail. The very thought that Gem had figured out a way to contact her- the fact that she was even still _trying_ to reach out to Clawdeen- made her feel sick. 

He had a point. As much as she hated the fairy, she still awoke a deep-seated fear in Clawdeen that had been present ever since she’d woken up in that dirty bedroom to find herself handcuffed to that nasty bed, her head swimming and her body stripped and violated. 

It was the knowledge of how easily she managed to wrap Clawdeen around her little finger that scared her. In hindsight, everything she had said sounded so outrageous, it was too good to be true. Yet, she had everyone fooled; Clawdeen, her friends, her family. Nobody suspected a thing until it was too late. 

She hadn’t seen Gem in almost ten years. There was no telling what she’d been up to in that time. 

Maybe she had seen the error of her ways and had turned her life around and lived some white picket fence life or some bullshit like that. 

Or maybe she was back to what she’d been doing when Clawdeen had landed in her trap, sidling up to the next young ghoul her pimp thought was the hottest and buttering them up, saying sweet words into their ears and luring them further into her web, so she could snatch them up and allow them to be tortured and assaulted by whoever she was in cahoots with. There were plenty of evil people out there willing to stoop to the lowest of the low in order to have a pretty young virgin all to themselves; you could do a lot when you had the money and knew the right people. Clawdeen had serviced plenty of them. 

They could be out there, watching her, waiting for her. 

Clawdeen felt her stomach churn. She felt close to throwing up. 

Romulus watched her, seeing the thoughts run through her head. He slowly walked up in front of her and put his hands on her shoulders. 

“If you really want to go along with this, I won’t stop you,” he said, “But we know what she’s capable of. We don’t know what her intentions are. I don’t want to risk you going and giving her the benefit of the doubt and then she does something that only brings you harm. 

He swallowed heavily, “I don’t want to see you lose yourself again. If anything were to happen to you or the baby...”

His voice cracked and he was unable to continue. Clawdeen glanced up at him, seeing the complete torment that haunted his eyes at the mere thought. His eyes were glossy with tears. 

“You won’t lose me,” she said reassuringly, stepping closer to him and sliding her arms around his waist. 

He gave her a weak smile, before he pulled her in and they shared an embrace. Clawdeen snuggled in closely to his chest, relishing in the feel of his strong arms around her. Between them, she could feel Furla moving around. 

She opened her eyes and stared off at the wall, pondering Gem’s message. 

Dare she take the chance?

If she answered, she could’ve been very well just walking into a trap. Gem certainly had given her plenty of reasons to doubt any word that came out of her mouth.

At the same time, though, it could finally be a chance for them sit down and lay out everything that’d gone down between them on the table. She could finally get a chance to let her know exactly what she thought. If there was anything she could get it out of it, at least she could get the satisfaction of chewing into the fairy and forcing her to confront all the shitty things she’d done. 

Clawdeen bit her lip. 

Why did this have to happen _now,_ of all times? Things were starting to look up for her- her and Romulus had recently starting converting the guest room into a nursery, Clawdia and Howleen were organizing a baby shower for her, and she’d finally gotten the time off for maternity leave from Sam ( _Goodness gracious, Deenie, why didn’t you say anything sooner?!_ The weredog had exclaimed when Clawdeen had revealed to her, _I would’ve given you the entire year off if I’d known!)._

Everything was going good for her. 

So why did this suddenly have to get thrown at her? Why now? Why _Gem?_

She tried to push the thoughts out of her mind, but an uneasy sense of foreboding started to creep up on her, like this was only the beginning of something much, much worse.

* * *

Her and Romulus ate dinner in silence, the good mood of the day tarnished by the discovery from earlier. Clawdeen leaned her cheek against her hand as she half-heartedly speared a few noodles with her fork and shoveled them into her mouth. 

She felt a bit bad; Romulus had made cheeseburger macaroni, one of her favorites, but with Gem’s e-mail hanging over her, she found that she couldn’t enjoy the meal as much she wanted to. 

Romulus watched her as he took a sip of his wine, observing the glum expression on her face as she continued to eat. 

As he set his wine glass down, he took a deep breath, as if preparing himself for something. He looked away from her and scratched his head, like he was uncomfortable. 

“...There’s something I have to talk to you, about,” he said. 

Clawdeen looked up from her plate and glanced in his direction. She awaited his response with slight dread. 

Romulus, catching the look, closed his eyes and sighed. He glanced to the side, something he did whenever he was feeling guilty, which did nothing to soothe her nerves. 

“...I have to go to Iowa for a week, for work,” he admitted, scrubbing a hand through his hair, “I have a conference and they’re asking me to speak at it.” 

Clawdeen stared at him in shock. She unconsciously tightened her grip on her fork as she sat up, her expression serious. 

“A-A whole week?” she repeated, “Are you sure?” 

Romulus nodded grimly, “I got the e-mail this morning. I meant to tell you then, but then we got sidetracked by...you know...” 

A lump appeared in Clawdeen’s throat. The dread that had overcome her only grew. She could feel her stomach begin to churn. “W-W-When do you have to leave?” 

“On Friday,” Romulus said. His ears lowered with guilt at the way her eyes widened, “If you need me to stay here, I can always cancel-” 

“No,” Clawdeen interrupted, “No, this...that’s part of your job, they need you. You go, I’ll...I’ll be fine.” 

It was the furthest thing from the truth, and they both knew it. Internally, she was panicking. A whole week, without him there? After what they had just found out this morning? 

And he was leaving on Friday. That was only three days from now. 

She’d be all alone in their house, for a whole week. There would be nobody expecting her anywhere, with her now on maternity leave. She was pregnant, with swollen ankles and an aching back and fifty pounds heavier. Who knew what could happen in that time? 

It could be just what Gem, or whoever was out there, was looking for, the perfect time to strike. She couldn’t run very far, after all…

No. No, she wouldn’t think like that. She wasn’t about to stir herself into a panic attack Shewhen nothing had happened. She wasn’t going to give them that satisfaction. She’d had years to overcome her paranoia and she wasn’t about to let it overtake her again. Fuck that. 

“You sure?” Romulus said, noting the way she seemed to go pale, “They’ll understand if I can’t make it if I tell them something came up with the baby.” 

Clawdeen just shook her head, “No, Rom. I mean, I’m fine. I can take care of myself.” 

She gave him a weak smile, trying to convince him. “Besides, if I need anything, I can just call Clawd or them to help me. I won’t be alone, after all.” 

If only she could could bring as much closer to herself with these words. 

Romulus still didn't look convinced, but he just nodded.

"Okay," he said, "But if anything comes up- _anything_ \- don't hesitate to call me. No matter what time it is, I'll be on the next flight back as soon as possible."

"I will," Clawdeen said quietly.

She could only hope that if something did happen- and she was counting on it being a big IF- that by the time she got hold of him, it wouldn't already be too late.

She scolded herself again for thinking like that, and tried telling herself to stay positive and think good thoughts.

It was only a week, after all.

What could possibly go wrong?


	10. Chapter 9: A Week of Ups and Downs

“ _I’m serious, if you need me to stay here, I’ll cancel right here and now-”_

“ _And I said, no,” Clawdeen answered, “Rom, seriously, I’m going to be fine. I’m a big ghoul, I can handle myself._

“ _Besides,” she looked up at him, “I didn’t get up at five in the morning just to come here for nothing.”_

_Romulus gave her a humored smile, though his eyes still held a bit of hesitation. He slid his arms around her waist and bent down to kiss her, before he drew her into a hug. Clawdeen slipped her arms around his back and tried to cuddle as close as she could, though the roundness of her stomach created a slight barrier between them. She inhaled the deep scent of him and his cologne, as if it would be the last time she ever smelled him._

“ _ATTENTION: Flight 56-A, for Cedar Rapids, now boarding,” someone announced over the speakers._

_Next to her ear, Clawdeen could hear Romulus sigh before he pulled away, just enough that he could nuzzle his nose with hers._

“ _I’ll call you as soon as I’ve landed,” he promised._

“ _Just make sure it’s not too late,” Clawdeen said, slightly joking._

_The look in Romulus’s eyes was soft as he smiled down at her, his gaze dropping to her enlarged middle; his hands followed, gently cupping the sides of her stomach._

“ _You’re right,” he said gently, “Both my babies need their sleep.”_

_Clawdeen smiled at the look in his eyes. Her hands slipped over his, and they stood there for a second, feeling Furla move around, before the taller wolfman finally sighed and pulled away._

“ _I better get going,” he said, shouldering his laptop bag, “Drive safe.”_

“ _I will,” Clawdeen said._

“ _I love you.”_

“ _I love you, too,” she said, already feeling her heart become sick with loneliness._

_He was only now just leaving, but she felt like it might as well been a hundred years, or that this was the last time she was seeing him._

_Clawdeen cursed herself. These damn hormones were sure going to get the best of her these next few days._

* * *

Those thoughts of earlier currently ran through Clawdeen’s mind as she sat criss-crossed on the couch that morning, the heirloom crocheted blanket from her grandma around her shoulders and a mug of hot tea in her hands. She had the TV turned to the news, though it was more to create more noise than because she had some interest.

She had woken up at five on the dot, hours before dawn could even so much as touch the horizon, and dragged her sleep-addled mind out of bed and to the car to drive Romulus to the airport. Clawdeen, wanting to spend as much time as she could with him before he boarded, stayed up the entire drive there, and though she was back home and she felt exhausted, she found she couldn’t find the urge to sleep. Not quite yet.

She didn’t want to go to sleep in that big bed with the knowledge that for the next days, she’d been lying in it alone.

It also meant that there’d be no distractions from the thoughts that plagued her. Namely, the thoughts of Gem and the cryptic letter she’d sent out of the blue on Tuesday.

Clawdeen closed her eyes and let out a sigh. Already, she could tell this was going to be a long week.

She squeezed her lids shut; her eyes felt dry and irritated from her lack of sleep. She reached up with a hand and rubbed at them, trying to get moisture back into them. Opening them again, she glanced up at the time on the TV to see that it was a quarter past nine. The sky was now fully light out, with the soft orange glow of sunrise peaking in through the windows.

Her phone pinged just as she took another sip of her tea. Clawdeen glanced down at it.

_Romulus: Hey! Just landed! Luckily saw no gremlins on the wing, lol_

Clawdeen smiled and picked her phone up, sending him a response. _Glad to hear it. When does your conference start?_

_Romulus:_ _Have a meeting today at noon, so I have about an hour to eat and shower and then got to spend three hours talking about the newest set of teeth found in the desert and smelling everyone else’s sweatstains :p_

_Romulus: What about u?_

Clawdeen texted back, _Got home a few hours ago._ _Just been watching the news._

_Ghoul, go to bed!_ Romulus replied, _U need your rest!_

_It’s your fault you made me get out of bed before seven,_ Clawdeen pointed out, though she was giggling at his response, _Don’t worry, I’m gonna go head up rite now. Ain’t like I got any plans for the day._

As she sent the message, though, her smile faded. She lifted her head and turned to look throughout the living room. It was as if she suddenly realized how big the house was with just her in it.

She looked down as she felt Cresent brush up against her shins; the old cat purred and nuzzled Clawdeen’s calf with her cheek in a demand for pets. Clawdeen gave a half-smile and reached down to pet her cheek.

_Treat yo self today,_ Romulus texted her,  _It’s a u-day! Do what makes u feel good :)_

Clawdeen giggled and responded, _You say that, and yet u want to complain once u see the credit card bill for when I go to the maul ;)_

_Romulus: That’s cuz u want to spend ninety dollars on a pair of shoes!!! U could probably find a pair of knock-offs that wor_ _k perfectly fine for like 20 dollars on E-Bay!_

Chuckling, Clawdeen texted him a heart emoji and a kissy face, before she stood up and placed her mug on the coffee table. She tossed the blanket onto the back of the couch and pulled up her yoga pants, before she turned and started heading for the stairs.

It was like all the fatigue that she’d been feeling that morning had suddenly built up and came at her full speed, as she could feel the effects of her tiredness really starting to grab hold of her as she climbed the stairs. Her eyes kept slowly closing, as if she was about to fall asleep right there, and with every step, she felt like a concrete block had been tied to her feet. By the time she got to the bedroom, her head was foggy and her energy felt completely sapped.

She pulled back the unmade covers and climbed into bed, grunting as she tried to get comfortable. Finally finding a nice position on her side, Clawdeen pulled the duvet up to her chin and snuggled into her pillow. Her eyelids felt like she had bags of sand hanging off each of them.

Right away, she drifted into a small slumber, her body and mind grateful to finally slow down and get some much needed time to recharge. Her hands cupped her stomach, feeling Furla swimming around inside.

Unfortunately, she only got about ten minutes in, before she was suddenly awoken by the harsh sound of someone screaming outside at the top of their lungs.

Clawdeen’s eyes shot open. She wound the blankets tightly in her fists, while her heart starting pounding with adrenaline.

She shot up in bed and looked around the room, her tiredness making her disoriented as to what had happened and where the noise was coming. In her confusion, her mind immediately jumped to the worst-case scenario.

_Was it Gem?_

Her palms started to sweat as memories of DC started rushing at her all at once.

_The sounds of Aran’s hooves hitting the concrete harshly outside before he flung the door open, his eyes blazing with anger as he rushed at her, his fists balled; the harsh banging of Vixen, Starla, or the other ghouls being flung against the wall as they were beaten for some kind of misgiving, no matter how minor- the soul-crushing wails of Annabelle echoing from the basement as Aran and the rest of them punished her for what she’d done to the Deschains-_

Another shrill scream was let out.

This one, dissolved into giggles, like whoever was making the noise wasn’t in any actual danger. When they let out another scream, it now sounded like a high-pitched squeal.

Confused, Clawdeen flung the blankets back and got out of bed. She trekked over to the window that overlooked the block of her street and pulled back the curtains to look out.

To the right, a few doors down, the neighborhood kids were running back and forth and chasing each other as they played in the snow. The one who was screaming was a little vampire ghoul, who was waving her arms up and down as she ran in circles in the snow and plopped down onto her back to make snow angels. Her powder pink and blue winter bodysuit made her stick out like a giant cookie against the white of her yard.

Realizing this, Clawdeen closed her eyes and let out a groan; her shoulders dropped with relief as she blew out a breath.

“Come on, Deen, get it together,” she muttered to herself, turning away from the window and trudging across the room.

Seeing that it was almost ten, she decided to forego any sleep and go ahead and get ready for the day.

She decided she’d take Rom’s advice and go just have a day for herself- go to the maul, get some food, browse the outlet stores, perhaps do some retail therapy. Maybe she’d even get a mani-pedi, or a massage, if she had time.

As if to drive home her point for the latter, Clawdeen winced as a sharp pain suddenly rang out through her lower back. It felt as if someone was taking a handful of her muscles and just twisting them in a knot.

Her expression was pained as she rubbed the area, trying to alleviate the tension there as she undressed and got in the shower. It did little to alleviate the pain, though, and as she stood under the spray, she felt a particularly sharp kick to her abdomen.

Frowning, Clawdeen looked down at her baby bump.

“I get it, okay?” she said with slight annoyance, “But you’re not exactly making things easy for me, either. So since _you’re_ the one deciding to take up the space and fuck up my body, how about you cool it a little?”

As if in response, she just felt Furla give another softer kick near her hip. Clawdeen chuckled and cupped the spot lovingly, before she reached for her bath products and began to shower.

* * *

A few hours later, Clawdeeen found herself sitting in the food court of the maul, nursing a chocolate brownie and cherry Swirl from Eye Scream Treats. She had taken off the lid and was digging through the cup with her spoon, relishing in the sweet taste. Her cravings had been out of control for this one; the second her eyes landed on the sign of the ice cream stand, she was hooked.

The thought made her chuckle. “This is exactly why I’m fat now,” she muttered to herself through a mouthful of ice cream, as she pondered how she’d already had an extra large Crypt Cola with her lunch of Thai food, and she’d already had a few breakfast burritos that morning when her and Romulus were on their way to the airport.

She shrugged. Oh well. She’d have a self-esteem crisis later. Right now, she was going to enjoy herself with her purchase.

Just then, her stomach let out a loud gurgle. The sound made Clawdeen laugh harder, and she patted it fondly.

“I know, you love sweets too,” she murmured.

As she chewed, she glanced up and took the time to observe the other people who currently were walking around the maul. A small group of black-clad teenagers, their hair choppily cut and dyed with patterns of coon tails and leopard print, chatted as they drank Cokes and hung around outside Haunt Topic, while some guys who were sitting a few feet away from her were currently playing some sort of card game.

She’d went ahead and done some retail therapy for herself; she got a new pair of shoes and a new belt from Bordstrom, and managed to snag one of the newest perfume releases from Skelly Gaga for only half the price. She’d been considering going by the toy store to see if there were any baby items on sale, when she’d smelled mango chicken from the Thai stand and quickly made her way over to eat.

The former thought put a smile on her face. _Oh yeah, you’re gonna definitely be spoiled,_ Clawdeen thought, _By me and your daddy._

Her eyes caught prisms of light being thrown somewhere from a piece of jewelry out of her peripheral. She glanced in that direction to see what was causing it.

A woman stood with her back to her, her bright pink hair pushed behind her ears to allow Clawdeen to see that the tips of the latter were pointed. She had one arm out in front of her which grasped her phone, her jacket sleeve falling down to reveal an arm that was as pale as marble.

Clawdeen felt her face drain of all color.

Her senses went on autopilot as right away, she went into panic mode.

_Oh god, she’s right there. She’s going to see me, she’s going to realize where I am, where’s the exit? Fuck so many people, I can’t get away from her fast enough-_

The woman turned around.

She was a vampire; her dark red eyes were turned down in a frown as she looked at something on her phone that seemed to displease her, before she raised them to look at something behind Clawdeen.

She perked up and started walking in that direction. As she passed Clawdeen, she shot her a brief look, before she hiked her purse up over her shoulder and headed away from her.

Clawdeen turned in her seat to get another glimpse at her. The vampire was jogging towards someone she couldn’t see and waving her hand to them. The pale blue denim shirt she wore had been hand-painted on the back to have a peace sign intertwined with some roses. No wings in sight.

Realizing what had just occurred and how she had reacted, Clawdeen closed her eyes and let out a breath, slumping in her chair as she felt all the tension immediately rush out of her.

Jesus Christ, what was wrong with her?

How did someone like Gem manage to still have this much of an effect on her? When she hadn’t even thought about her in years? It made her feel embarrassed and weak; like she was still a little ghoul clinging to her mother’s skirts and hiding her face in them at every little thing that popped out at her.

Bringing her hand up to her face, Clawdeen rubbed at the bridge of her nose.

She opened them again and stared at her cup of ice cream. She frowned at it, before she got up and hastily gathered up her shopping bags.

Hurriedly, she left the food court and dumped her cup in the trash. She suddenly didn’t have an appetite anymore.

* * *

For the next few days, Clawdeen threw herself into various activities in an attempt to keep herself busy and not allow herself to wallow in her paranoia about Gem or the e-mail. Every little thing she could find that could provide a distraction, she took it. 

She went to the gym, she went on walks, she cleaned the house and re-organized her office and sewing room, she went grocery shopping, she watched TV, she even took to occupying herself with stuff like cleaning the baseboards or vacuuming the corners of the kitchen. Anything that kept her from thinking of the pink-haired ghoul who seemed to now haunt her thoughts at any moment. 

It could only do so much, though, and nevertheless, there were certain things out of her control.

Such as when she’d go to bed at night and find herself unwittingly flinching at every car or person that passed by the house, in fear that  at any moment, she might hear her name called out by someone who wasn’t supposed to be there. 

Or, if she closed her eyes, she’d awaken to find Gem, or Striggy, or some other strange person in her room, staring down at her, ready to snatch her back up. 

Such thoughts made her stiffen  and got still under the covers, adrenaline rushing through her veins as she shot wary glances at the door, ready to run and hide at the first opportunity, no matter how nonsensical or improbable, given her pregnancy and  the time of day. 

Lest to say, she didn’t get much sleep for most of the week. 

“I  _ really  _ don’t need this shit right now,” Clawdeen muttered to herself at the thought one morning as she bent down to brush her teeth. She groaned and put one hand on her lower back to stretch out, trying to ease the tension in her shoulder blades. 

She was glad she didn’t have to go to work for the next few months; she knew she looked like absolute shit from what she saw in the mirror. There were dark circles under her eyes and her hair was all messed up like a bird had made a nest in it.  Her pajamas were wrinkled and her stomach bulged out from where her night shirt had been all twisted around her, after a night of tossing and turning. Probably not the whole ‘motherly glow’ thing that everyone always talked about. 

Spitting out the toothpaste in her mouth, Clawdeen stood up up straight and stared back into her reflection. 

Aside from her imagination going wild and the irrational thoughts that suddenly were creeping up on her, there was another thing that was keeping her up at night. The other mastodon in the room that, when she wasn’t half asleep and  trying not to unintentionally freak herself out, kept her sitting up in bed, twiddling her thumbs as she pondered it. 

Gem’s proposal. 

She still wasn’t sure if she should take it or not. 

On one  hand, she could be chasing nothing. For all she knew, it was a farce, like Romulus said. A way to get her vulnerable, so Gem or whoever could get to her. 

On the other, she remembered how Gem acted when she was at Striggy’s house. She remembered how Striggy had talked of her. 

She was bought, just like Clawdeen was. Another ghoul put into the industry, to work for someone incapable of love or any kind of emotion besides greed, who was forced to sell herself and her soul. 

_ She betrayed you,  _ one part of her said. 

_ She didn’t probably have a choice,  _ another part said. 

_ Bullshit.  _

_ And are you so innocent? Did you not put aside your morals, more than once, to save yourself? Did you not do many actions you’re not exactly proud of just so you could have a quiet night, where you weren’t in pain?  _

Briefly, an image of Annabelle flashed in her mind.

Clawdeen’s claws dug into  the porcelain of the sink. She felt a small lump in her throat. 

Gem had lied to her. She had hurt her. Because of her choices, Clawdeen had to go through all of that.  She lost all that time she’d never get back, because of her. 

Yet, as much as she hated herself for it, Clawdeen understood why she had done it, completely. 

Part of her argued that it wasn’t the same. She never tricked anyone or lured them into a trap like Gem had done to her. Annabelle and all them had already been forced into when the whole thing at the Deschains happened. She never pretended to be anyone’s friend. 

But what if Gem had been threatened? What if Striggy had threatened her, like Aran had done Clawdeen? Could Clawdeen truly blame her for  her actions if it could’ve very meant life or death for the fairy, as it had been for many of the choices she was forced to make? 

It was all so confusing and hard. 

Was she invalidating Gem’s struggles by holding what she did against her? But did she not have a right to feel angry  about the fairy’s true agenda? Was she not allowed to feel disgusted and hurt? Or was she allowing her own pain to overshadow any of Gem’s? 

W hen did the understanding end and the need for responsibility begin? 

All these questions swirled around in her mind, none of which could Clawdeen come up with a clear answer to. 

She massaged her temples. Already, she could feel a migraine beginning to  pound. 

Near her right hand, her phone suddenly started to ring. The sounds of her ringtone-  one of Ari’s pop songs- echoed through the bathroom. 

Surprised, Clawdeen put her toothbrush back into the holder and picked up her phone to see that it was Frankie who was calling her. 

“Hello?” she greeted as she answered the call. 

“ _ You’re going to come over for dinner tonight,”  _ Frankie answered with no greeting nor hesitation. 

Clawdeen  blinked, not expecting such a brash response, before she furrowed her brows. She asked, “What?” 

“ _ You’re coming over,”  _ Frankie repeated, “ _ You’re gonna come over and Jackson and me are going to  _ _ cook dinner for you and we’re all going to have a grand old time. _

“ _Or we could come to your house,”_ she added,  _ “It’s however you want it, but either way, we’re hanging out.”  _

“Um, don’t I get a say in this?” Clawdeen asked, “I mean, what if I had plans already?” 

“ _ I mean, something tells me you don’t,  _ _ so there’s no reason for you to turn it down,”  _ Frankie replied without any hesitation, “ _ You’re coming over, and that’s final.”  _

Clawdeen frowned. She was confused as to Frankie’s attitude and her insistence she come over.

It then occurred to her that she must’ve been aware that she was going to be home alone this week.  _ Rom must’ve told them, or he told Clawd and Clawd told them,  _ she thought with a roll of her eyes. Leave it to her husband and her brother to still treat her like she was a  pup in need of saving. 

_ Well, it’s not like you really had anything else to do,  _ she reminded herself.  That was, other than stay and mope about her current situation, and it wasn’t exactly like she was enjoying that matter. 

Dropping her shoulders, she sighed, “Nothing’s going to change your mind, is it?” 

“ _ Nope!”  _ Frankie answered  delightfully, “ _ We’re thinking of cooking around five o’clock, so feel free to come over any time before that!”  _

“...Fine,” Clawdeen answered, “ As long as there’s dessert.” 

Frankie giggled over the line, “ _ We can definitely fit that in.  _ _ You like chocolate chip cookie brownies, right?”  _

“Ghoul, by this point, I like anything,” Clawdeen  chuckled, “Baby wants what the baby wants.” 

“ _ Duly noted,”  _ Frankie said with a laugh, “ _ Like I said, we’ll start at five. If you want to come over before than and hang out, go on ahead. You won’t even have to knock!”  _

“I will,” Clawdeen answered. 

She told the green-skinned ghoul a quick goodbye, before she hung up.  She took her phone away from her ear and gave it a small glare, before she shrugged and dropped it back onto the bathroom counter. 

“ I’ll go,” she said to her reflection, “But if either of them tries to break out any board games or any of that ‘icebreaker’ stuff, I’m leaving.” 

With that small confirmation in mind, she picked up her brush and fixed her hair, before she hopped in the shower and got dressed for the day. 

She tried to take it easy for the remaining time. She paid the bills and decided to take a walk by the harbor, if only to get some fresh air and get out of the house.  Plus, it was a nice day out; she might as well enjoy the sunshine while she could.  Pulling on her coat and the cable beanie Howleen had given to her as a gift, she locked the door and headed out. 

“I’ll be back in a little bit,” Clawdeen said as she spotted Crescent watching her from the doorway to the kitchen.

“ _ Reowr,”  _ was all Crescent replied with, before she turned and plotted over to where her catbed lay. 

As she made her way down the trail, Clawdeen crossed her arms as she slowed her pace and looked out over the water  on the horizon; the sun was out, causing the bright turquoise waves to sparkle like there were diamonds under the surface. A small breeze tickled Clawdeen’s nose; the salty scent was soft and relaxing, and luckily contained none of the pungent tang of seaweed that tended to coat the air the closer you got to the beach, especially when the tide had just gone out. 

Taking a deep breath of it, Clawdeen let it out and took another look at the ocean spanning out in front of her. She was the only one on the trail right now; the stillness gave her a calm that allowed her to  think more clearly than she had in her bathroom. 

A dragonfly started buzzing  around the flowers that grew out between the small fence that had been erected to keep people from toppling over the side of the hill. Clawdeen watched it absentmindedly as  she allowed herself to think back to what had troubled her earlier. 

It was tiring. She didn’t need this in her life right now.  What was Gem thinking, asking her to meet up again? Especially out of nowhere? 

Hell, was she even out of jail? Was she expecting Clawdeen to come down and visit her in prison and sit at one of those hard plastic chairs, dozens of other women around them, who’d done Esa knew what to land in there, and talk to the fairy about what she’d been put through, as if they were just two old friends recounting crazy times; the werewolf bristled at such a thought. 

“Not now,” Clawdeen muttered to herself, “Not after everything. Not when we’re just now getting out of the red zone...” 

She felt along her stomach as she said this. 

_ Just...why Gem?  _ She asked internally,  _ Why couldn’t you have just fucked off and acted like I never existed and then we could both move on with our lives that way?  _

And to think, even after not thinking about her in years, the very potential of seeing someone who resembled the fairy was enough to still send her right into a near panic attack, or to flinch at every car that drove past late at night. 

_ That  _ was some major bullshit in itself. 

Clawdeen hated it. She hated knowing how much someone like Gem could still wind her up and fuck with her mind, without her even seeing her face to face. 

Maybe she better talk to Jennifur about it. At least then she’d have a professional opinion in it. 

Mentally, she made a note to bring it up in  therapy the next time they met, in two weeks’ time. 

With that in mind, Clawdeen stayed in her spot a little bit longer, taking  the chance to just take in the view and allow the peaceful atmosphere to alleviate some of the tension. 

After a few minutes, she finally turned around and headed back to get ready. 

* * *

A few hours later, as the sky began to darken, Clawdeen arrived at Frankie and Jackson’s house. They lived only a few blocks away, but she had decided to drive anyway, and parked on the side of the street in front of their house. 

(The exercise would probably be good for her, but her ankles were swelling like crazy the minute she got back from her walk and she wasn’t going to make herself feel worse the next morning than she knew she already would).

Pulling her keys out and locking it, she turned towards their porch and began to walk up it.  She paused for a minute to adjust the purple peplum shirt she’d changed into and rang the doorbell. The second she heard it sound from the inside, Clawdeen could hear Watzit barking. 

“ _ Someone’s here!”  _ she heard a little ghoul call out excitedly from within, “ _ I’ll get it, I’ll get it!”  _

“ _No, you won’t,”_ Clawdeen heard Frankie say sternly, “ _ Go sit down and help Daddy set the table. I’ll answer it.”  _

S he could hear the construct approach the door, before the deadbolt was slid out of its lock. The door was pulled open to reveal Frankie on the other side, dressed in a  casual long sleeved blue dress. 

“Hey!” she greeted warmly as her eyes lit up at the sight of Clawdeen, “ You look great!” 

“Thanks,” Clawdeen said with a smile as she allowed the former to draw her in for a hug. Over Frankie’s shoulder, she could smell  pesto chicken, pasta salad, and mashed potatoes. From around the corner, she spotted a flash of yellow as Jackson bent down in front of the oven. 

Frankie opened the door wider and stepped aside to let her in. She turned and helped the werewolf remove her coat and took her purse as well. 

“Feel free to take off your shoes,” she said, gesturing to Clawdeen’s knee-high boots, “I was going to dress up, when we realized, what the heck for? It’s just the four of us, why not be comfortable?” 

She wriggled her striped-painted toes, which were visible without her wearing any shoes or socks, for emphasis. Clawdeen smirked. 

“Thank god,” she said as she took a seat  on the small ottoman that’d been pushed next to the wall, “I made sure to wear my most comfortable boots, but even then, I feel like anything tighter than socks makes my toes go numb in five minutes!” 

As she unzipped her boots and slid them off, sighing as she felt instant relief at her swollen feet no longer being restricted, she heard the squeal of a small child coming towards her and looked up to see Frankie and Jackson’s daughter,  Shelly,  running towards her.

“Missus Deenie, Missus Deenie!” the small construct shouted excitedly, “ You’re here, you’re here!” 

“I’m here,” Clawdeen repeated with a humored smile as the green-skinned ghoul slid to a stop in front of her, almost losing her balance with the way her socked feet made her glide on the polished wood floor. She had rows and rows of plastic bracelets on her arms, while her rainbow colored sweater and the bright sparkly bow she had in her ivory white hair made her look like someone had gone crazy in an eighties’ thrift store.

“Look, you like my jewelr y? ” Shelly asked as she held her arms out, her bracelets jingling like a  bunch of miniature tambourines, “I made sure to wear all of them tonight!”

Clawdeen gave her her best  impressed expression and leaned over with her elbows on her knees like she was getting a closer look. 

“And don’t you look fabulous!” she complimented, acting in awe as Shelly held her arms out towards her so she could get a better look, “ I’m sure all the ghouls in the neighborhood will be jealous of your swag!” 

Shelly giggled excitedly at her lingo. From behind her, Frankie smiled at them with a pleased expression. 

“Don’t feed her ego too much,” Jackson said as he walked out of the kitchen while he wiped his hands on a dish towel, “She wanted to wear all her necklaces and rings and belts, too, but  we put our feet down for that. You keep sweet-talking her, and she’ll be  looking like she’s wearing the whole accessories section of the department store  next time.” 

“ _ Dad-dy!”  _ Shelly whined, turning around to shoot her father a disapproving look as she pouted at him. 

“I don’t know,” Clawdeen said humorously, “With that look, I have a feeling it’s not going to be  _ me  _ who’s feeding her ego.” 

Frankie chuckled and looked at her. “You think it’s bad now, you should see how easily Holt bends to her when she gives him ‘the look’,” she commented, “ All it takes is a few seconds, and he’s wrapped around her thumb like putty.” 

Jackson frowned at her and gave her a small glare. “Gee, thanks for that,” he said. 

“You know I only ever want to keep it real with you, honey,” Frankie said sweetly, ignoring the pointed look he was sending her way. 

Clawdeen glanced between them, enjoying the slight tension of the situation. She caught Jackson’s eye; he only rolled his eyes and turned away from them, muttering something abou t ‘why do I even bother’ under his breath. Frankie looked over at her and gave her a grin, before she gestured towards the kitchen with a small nod and took Shelly’s hand. 

“Come on,” she said, directing the werewolf and small ghoul forward, “ I’m just about to put the brownies in. That way they’re done by the time we’re finished eating.” 

T he dining room table had been set, and Frankie had even gone through the effort of putting a fancy candle holder in the middle to add an air of elegance  to the atmosphere. The one exception was where Shelly was going to sit; instead of the expensive china and silver cutlery, her spot had been set with a children’s plate that was in the shape of a panda bear head, and her spoon and fork  were plastic and in the shape of fish. 

Clawdeen gave a small snort when she saw that in her spot, her wine glass had been swapped out with a giant cup that was decorated with dinosaurs- there was even a straw built into it in the shape of a brontosaurus. It matched the cup in Shelly’s spot, though the latter’s was decorated with animals and the straw was in the shape of a giraffe. 

“Shelly insisted on you getting the ‘cool’ cups,” Jackson explained to her as he pulled out her seat for her, “We  were going to just put a glass down, but she said that you should get the dinosaur one, because the baby would probably want to have it.” 

“What a genius,” Clawdeen murmured to him back with a smile, shooting him a grateful look as he helped her into her seat. 

He pushed her in, before he headed back to the kitchen for a brief moment so him and Frankie could start bringing out the food. 

Once everything was placed where it should,  they all took their respective places and scooted in so they could start getting their share of food. Plates were passed around and drinks were poured, before everyone picked up their utensils of choice and began to dig in. 

“ So, Clawdeen,” Frankie said at one point, when they were in the middle  of eating, “How have you been? Everything going okay?” 

The question made her look up as she chewed. Clawdeen swallowed the mouthful she had and wiped her lips, before she shrugged and speared another bite of chicken. 

“I mean, yeah,” she said, “It’s been a little sucky the last few days without Rom here, but I’m trying to keep myself busy.  The faster the time goes, the quicker he’ll be home.” 

“When is he supposed to be getting back?” Jackson asked. 

Clawdeen answered, “Saturday. His plane lands at eight, so we’ll be back by ten or so that night.” 

“Well, just don’t stay up too late afterward,” Jackson replied, putting on his best ‘dad’ voice, “You don’t need the little one over there picking up bad habits.” 

He pointed to her stomach and shot her a  playful look. Clawdeen smirked and just waved him off. 

“Anything else come up, though?” Frankie asked, her brows slightly furrowed in  concern, “ Like, anything...you want to talk about?” 

That earned her a look from Clawdeen, who frowned as she tightened the grip on her fork. 

Either she was getting really bad at  hiding herself when something was wrong, or Frankie had just gotten more perceptive recently and she hadn’t noticed it. 

“Why do you ask?” she questioned, her tone a little more guarded than she wanted it to be. 

“Just that you seem to have a lot on your mind,” Frankie said innocuously, “ If something’s bothering you, you know we’re all ears to if you need to get it off your chest.” 

Clawdeen frowned .  She shot a look at Shelly, who looked up at her with curiosity. 

She was just a child. She didn’t understand the full depth of Clawdeen’s situation, nor did she need to be overhear such information that she couldn’t comprehend. She didn’t need to be presented with such grown-up stuff. 

“I’m fine,” she repeated, “It’s just...I’m dealing with a lot of stuff that would take too much time to explain.” 

As a way to indicate her point, she nodded her head in Shelly’s direction.  _ Not with her around,  _ was what she meant to convey to them. 

They both nodded in understanding. Frankie still reached over, though, and  squeezed her hand. 

“If you say so,” she said, “Just remember, if you ever need to talk, I’m only a phone call away.” 

“And me,” Jackson said, “I mean...you know, as long as it’s not something like you confessing your love for me and how you want us to run away and elope or something.” 

Clawdeen reared her head back and cackled, “Oh my god, as if, normie boy!  You could never compete!” 

“He better try not to,” Frankie said, shooting Jackson a glare, “Cuz I know just where to put him if he does.” 

“Oh, no, not the formaldehyde tank!” Jackson said, feigning terror as he put his hands up in front of him, “Anything but that!” 

Shelly giggled; she didn’t understand the context of her parents’ conversation with Clawdeen, but their reactions were amusing enough to her. 

They all took a few minutes to pause in their eating as they lost control of themselves and laughed. After they calmed down, they finished their meals, before Frankie went and brought the brownies out. They then went out to the living room and engaged in some light conversation, before Jackson finally announced that it was time for Shelly to go to bed. 

“I want to stay up and keep talking with Miss Deenie,” Shelly protested. 

“No can do, missy,” Jackson said, reaching down to scoop her up, “You have school tomorrow. Say goodnight to Miss Deenie.” 

Shelly looked completely dejected, but she kept her composure together as she turned to Clawdeen and walked over to her to give her a hug. 

“Night-night, Miss Deenie,” she said, “Can you come back over again next time?” 

“I’ll try, baby,” Clawdeen said as she gave the little ghoul a big hug, “ Be a good ghoul, okay?” 

“I will,” Shelly said simply, before she pulled away and headed over to Jackson. He took her hand and led her up the stairs. 

As they disappeared around the corner, Clawdeen turned to Frankie. 

“ I should probably get going too,” she said, “I’m feeling a little tired.” 

“Okay, let me walk you to the door,” Frankie said, standing up from her seat, before she offered her hand and helped the werewolf to her feet as well. 

As Clawdeen got her coat and shoes on, Frankie gave her a look and crossed her arms. 

“Well, I at least hope this little get-together helped cheer you up,” she said, “And maybe helped you forget whatever crap is being thrown your way at this moment.” 

Clawdeen gave her an inquisitive look as she pulled on her boots. “Is this what this was?” she asked, “ A little getaway? An ‘eat your feelings’ situation?” 

“Maybe,” Frankie said, “ However you want to think about it, did it work, at least?” 

Clawdeen paused. She glanced at the time. For the first time in the last few days, she genuinely forgot about the dark cloud that had been hanging over the last few days. 

For a few hours, she could genuinely breathe. She didn’t think about Gem, or her letter, or her paranoia, or her fears about the baby, or anything. It was like everything was right again. She didn’t even about the fact that she still had two days before Romulus came home. 

A knowing smile came onto her face. 

“Yeah,” she admitted, “Yeah, I guess it did.”

* * *

Unfortunately, the good mood didn’t last long. Soon after she got home, Clawdeen decided to retire to bed, where  all the troubles of the last few days came back to the forefront of her mind right as she turned off the lights. 

Because,  _ of course _ it did. 

She lay there in the dark, unable to sleep. Turning her head, she glanced at the clock; she groaned when she saw that it was a quarter past midnight. No matter how long she lay there with her eyes closed, or how many times she tried to count backwards from one hundred,  she didn’t feel herself getting any more relaxed. It was like her brain was hot-wired at this very moment. 

Clawdeen grunted and pushed herself up on her elbows so she could turn to lay on her side. Furla’s wei ght was killing her back with just the action alone, and it took way more effort than it normally did for her to just turn to the right. 

Now facing Romulus’s side, Clawdeen stared out at his side of the bed as she curled up and hugged her pillow to her. Her gaze was a lonely one as she took one hand away and slid it under the covers to feel along his side. Maybe it was just  her, but right now she felt the weight of it being just her in this big old house  and realized how much she missed feeling the warmth of her mate beside her. 

Propping herself up on her elbow,  she turned to open the top drawer of her nightstand; she groaned as she felt the weight of her abdomen immediately strain her back muscles. 

She rifled around in it until she felt something fluffy and pulled it out; the object was revealed to be a small stuffed koala.  Unlike the typical  grey coloring, the plush was white as snow, and the koala’s glass eyes were a strange pink color. They were the same shade as his flocked nose, which was a soft peach shade. 

Romulus had won it for her on a date a few years ago, right before they got engaged. It still carried the faint scents of popcorn and  funnel cake from that day, as well as Rom’s scent. 

On days like this, when he was gone and feeling down, Clawdeen always liked to cuddle with the koala and take solace in those scents; if she closed her eyes, she could pretend that he was right nearby. 

Like she did now, as she rolled back onto her side and hugged the koala to her chest. She buried her nose in its soft white ears and inhaled  the scents that lingered on her. She sighed, her chest aching  with how much she desperately missed him. 

She’d adjusted her position and closed her eyes in another attempt to try and fall asleep, when all of a sudden, she was alerted to the sound of a car coming by. 

At first, Clawdeen didn’t think anything of it, until she heard  it press on its brakes, and realized it seemed to have stopped right outside her house. 

Her eyes shot open as she heard car doors opening and closing. Slowly, her eyes trailed over to the window; she listened in at the faint sound of footsteps coming  up the driveway. 

Clawdeen’s claws wound tightly against the stuffed koala. She could feel  her heart rate steadily begin to climb. She went still as a board under the blankets, her muscles so tense that it made her joints start to hurt. 

A spike of fear hit her in the chest as she heard the footsteps come closer, before there was the definite clack of the deadbolt turning. The front door creaked as it was pushed open. 

Raising her head, Clawdeen turned her gaze to the floor, before her eyes started darting around the room for something to protect herself. 

She slowly sat up and reached for the lamp. She unplugged it and held it against her chest like a spear, her eyes following the sounds of the footsteps as she tried to keep her breathing under control. 

She jumped as whoever was downstairs suddenly thumped into something, which caused the walls to shake. 

“ _ Ow, fuck. Goddammit, Crescent..”  _ she heard a voice hiss. 

Clawdeen’s fear was immediately replaced with surprise as she recognized the voice.  Her brows furrowed then with confusion; what was he doing here? He wasn’t supposed to be home until Saturday! 

Setting the lamp back down, she lay down on her back and stared at the door with a puzzled expression as she heard  him coming up the stairs. His suitcases lightly banged against the walls as he carried upstairs. 

A second later, the bedroom door opened. Romulus slowly entered, wheeling his suitcases  ahead of him. He lifted his head and caught Clawdeen’s surprised look; his own brows raised  in his own show of astonishment at seeing her awake.

He smiled at her as he closed the door. “Hey,” he greeted softly, “What are you doing up?” 

“What are you doing  _ here?”  _ Clawdeen questioned in a whisper, sliding back under the covers. 

Romulus set aside his suitcases and slid off his laptop bag. “The conference gone done early,” he said, “They found someone else to take over for me for the weekend. I would’ve told you, but I thought I’d surprise you.

“ I thought I’d wake you up, but clearly you didn’t seem to be getting much rest anyway,” he commented as he bent down to unlace his shoes.

Clawdeen just shrugged and lay back down, hugging her koala close. “I couldn’t sleep.” 

“I can see that,” Romulus joked. He pulled his shoes off  and stood up to remove his coat. 

His eyes dropped down to the plush in her arms as he began to pull off his shirt. He gestured to it with a smile, “I remember when I got you that. You still have it?” 

“Of course I do,” Clawdeen said, “Why wouldn’t I?” 

“Cuz it’s old and raggedy and  you always keep it locked in your drawer where nobody can see it?” Romulus pointed out. 

Clawdeen blushed. In an uncharacteristically bashful  way, she nuzzled the koala and curled up farther into the blankets, before she looked back up at Romulus with a shy expression. 

“I...It reminds me of you,” she admitted, “It helps cheer me up when I’m down and you’re gone...” 

Romulus paused for a second, genuinely surprised by the confession. Then, his expression became loving and he gave her a soft smile. He undid his pants and pushed them down, leaving himself in his boxers. He made his way over to his side of the bed and  pulled the covers back to slide in next to her. 

As he adjusted his position, he lay his head on his pillow and reached out for her. Clawdeen smiled and scooted in closer,  allowing him to draw her into his embrace. As she snuggled against his chest, she slid her arms under his to hold him tightly. The koala plush squished between them. 

“I missed you,” she said softly to him. 

“I know,” Romulus said, “I missed you, too.” 

His hand trailed down and gently cupped the swell of her stomach. He looked into her eyes, his taking on a more serious look. 

“Did anything happen?” he asked, “When I was gone?” 

Clawdeen felt her lips flatten into a line at the question.  She thought of all the things that had gone on the last few days- the experience at the maul, her constant mulling over Gem,  her first reaction to hearing the taxi drop him off. 

She sighed and shook her head, “I’ll tell you later. Not now, though.” 

She turned back to look at him and cupped his cheeks. “Now, I just want to sleep knowing you’re here.” 

Romulus closed his eyes and allowed her to bring his head closer to hers so she could kiss him. They lay like that for a few minutes, holding each other closed as they shared several small kisses. Finally, he broke away and nodded, nuzzling her nose. 

“Okay,” he said, “Tomorrow, then.” 

“Tomorrow,” Clawdeen repeated, tucking her head into his shoulder. 

She was dreading having that conversation with him. 

Right now, though, she wasn’t going to dwell on it. Now, she was just going to focus on his presence and the fact that her man was back here with her, where he belonged.

That knowledge and the feel of Rom laying next to her, his arms wrapped around her, finally allowed her to drift to sleep, and she fell into a peaceful slumber, without any bad dreams or scary sounds disturbing her for the rest of the night. 


	11. Chapter 10: The Conflict Within

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: The end scene of this chapter contains explicit sexual content. Read at your own discretion
> 
> (Said end dedicated to my lovely readers out there. I hope this helps you lot quench your thirst a little ;))

“...and everyone’s telling me to just ignore it, but I don’t think that something as severe as this can really be ignored,” Clawdeen finished explaining, “I mean, if someone who was a direct cause in your life going to hell in a hand basket suddenly reappeared after almost ten years, would _you_ ignore it?” 

She sat back and crossed her arms, making a face as she thought about the topic at hand. Currently, she sat in Jennifur’s office, having just recalled the events of the shocking e-mail she had received three weeks ago to the therapist. Jennifur sat across from her like always, patiently listening as Clawdeen  did a play-by-play of everything, from the time she first got Gem’s letter to how she’d been in the days following. 

With the werewolf finally finished, she furrowed her brows in concern. “That is...” she replied, “Certainly  quite a shock to hear. You must’ve been very taken back by it.” 

“‘Taken back’ is putting it lightly,” Clawdeen responded, “Rom says I looked like a computer ghost had just crawled out of the screen and was pulling my soul from my body.” 

She sighed, “And if it wasn’t nerve-wracking enough that she somehow got a hold of my personal e-mail, now I’ve started having dreams again.” 

She looked up at Jennifur with a look. The werecat nodded, right away understanding what kind of dreams she meant. 

“What happens in these dreams?” she asked. 

Clawdeen looked away from her and fumbled with a few charms on her bracelet. It took her a minute to think of all the ones she could remember. 

“I mean, they’re not always so bad,” she said, “Sometimes it’s just her, staring at me. Nothing else happens- no jumpscares or anything- just her standing there.” 

She pursed her lips and thought of something, before she added, “Well, not just that. I hear things then- stuff that she said back...back then. That Striggy said. That Aran said...” 

Another memory came to her that caused her to grit her teeth. “And sometimes they’re awful,” Clawdeen explained, “Sometimes I’m strapped to the bed, calling out to people, but there’s nobody there. Sometimes I’m  back in my old room at my parents’ house and she’s standing outside the window.” 

“What does she do?” Jennifur asked. 

“Nothing,” Clawdeen said bitterly, “But all around me, the room starts to change. The walls change, the sounds change- I can even _smell_ it change- and then I find myself back at that shithole in DC. And the whole time, she’s just standing there. Doing nothing. 

“Just like she did the first time I woke up in that fucking nightmare,” she muttered, “Absolutely nothing. Just left me there to fucking suffer.” 

The last comment came out a bit impulsively. She swallowed hard and looked down at the ground; after all these years, the memory of Gem’s emotionless face watching her and the brusque way she just brushed her off still stung like the wound was made fresh. 

“I’m very sorry to hear that you had to go through that,” Jennifur said, “That’s a terrible thing to have to experience, especially after going so long without having to deal with such reminders.” 

“You’re telling me,” Clawdeen muttered. 

She thought of the conversation her and Romulus had, before she turned back to the werecat and met her eyes. 

“That’s not really what I wanted to talk to you about, though,” she admitted, “There’s something else about it that’s been bothering me.” 

“You’re considering granting her request to meet up with you,” Jennifur answered for her. 

Clawdeen nodded, “Rom says I’m better off just going to the police and reporting her, but...I don’t know, I’m...I’m curious as to what she has to say.” 

“About?” 

Clawdeen shrugged, “I don’t know, whatever bullshit she thinks could justify this? O-Or I guess, to give her a chance to say sorry. I mean, I know sorry doesn’t mean shit after everything-  _especially_ after something like this- but maybe it’ll actually be sincere, or it will confirm to me that I wasn’t wrong in not wanting to speak with her or...or...or, fuck, I don’t know!” 

She scrubbed her hands through her. “Argh, this is so fucking frustrating!” she proclaimed, “I don’t know even know why, after all she did, but I feel bad for just ignoring her!  T here’s a part of me that thinks back to the shit I was forced to do  and feels like I don’t have a right to judge her, because from the sounds of it, she was trafficked like I was, so she probably didn’t have a choice, but then it’s like, what the fuck does that do to me? She still used me and bullshitted me and-” 

A lump in her throat made her stop. She couldn’t even say the next part out loud. Her stomach  rolled as she thought back to those particular moments. 

_She helped them rape me. She helped them beat me._

For a second, her mind sent her back to those dark times- those days where she could do nothing more than lay there, delirious with thirst and hunger and from all the drugs they injected into her body, steadily going insane as she woke up to some new man over her, or her body covered in filth and her unable to do anything about it. Those days where time bled together and a few days felt like a lifetime.

Clawdeen took a deep breath and closed her eyes, counting to ten. She wouldn’t allow herself to get lose in those memories, not right now.

“Clawdeen?” Jennifur called out to her, having seen the way the she-wolf’s face suddenly drained of color. She learned forward in her seat, concerned that she was about to have a panic attack occur.

Luckily, Clawdeen managed to bring herself back and sat up straight. She adjusted her seat and looked at Jennifur.

“I’m fine,” she said, leaning back with a trouble expression, “I just don’t know what to do. On one hand, I feel like I’m completely in my right to ignore her or consider her dead to me and not want to ever think of her again.

“But then there’s the side of me that’s scolding myself, because at the same time, I feel like if I do that, then I’m being inconsiderate of whatever she’s gone through, but then I want to be like _I_ never pretended to be friends someone and had them kidnapped, but then I feel guilty, and I just...”

She let out a growl and shrugged, “I’m lost.”

“You can acknowledge her own personal trauma is valid and still hold her accountable for her actions,” Jennifur said. She leaned over and rested her elbows on her knees as she pressed her hands together, “One doesn’t hold more weight over the other. It’s entirely possible to be sympathetic to her while still being upset towards her.

“She still manipulated your trust and took advantage of that and put you in a situation where you were deeply hurt,” she pointed out, “You can understand her, but that doesn’t mean you owe it to her to forgive her to make her feel better.”

That made sense, Clawdeen thought. She gave the werecat another look as she refolded her arms across your chest.

“So what do you make of this whole thing?” she asked.

Jennifur replied, “I have to say, I do agree with your husband. I know you’re curious and feel entitled to some sort of explanation, but I am concerned of just how much importance you are placing on this hypothetical meeting and whatever this ‘Gem’ ghoul has to say.”

“I mean, it _is_ a little important, considering this is someone from my past who now wants to contact me ,” Clawdeen remarked, “You both act like I’m just going to eat whatever she says up and it will all be rainbows and sunshine like I’m a child or something.”

“I’m worried that you’re going to go into this hoping for answers she can’t give you,” Jennifur countered, “You may think this hypothetical meeting may give you peace of mind, but what if nothing she offers is satisfactory for you? Would you be able to come away from if there’s a chance none of the questions you have can actually be answered?” 

Clawdeen was silent. She didn’t answer her. 

Jennifur sighed, “If you really want to go through with this- if you’re wanting to go through the process of having the no contact order lifted or whatnot- then I cannot stop you. By all means, you’re an adult, you can do what you like. 

“But as your therapist, I would strongly advise you to really think about what you’re hoping to get out of this,” she said, “Because there’s a strong chance you won’t get _anything_ at all and that may leave you with even more damage. This ‘Gem’ sounds like she has plenty of her own struggles to come to terms with- she may not be able to give you the catharsis you’re looking for.” 

That got her a small sigh from Clawdeen. “I know,” the latter replied. 

Yet, she couldn’t let the prospect of seeing the fairy again go. 

Maybe there was a bit of naivety to her thoughts- that even with Jennifur’s warning, there was still a part of her that hoped that she could put some sort of sense into why she’d been targeted,  or if Gem had actually cared for her.

Maybe it was a twisted sense of personal vengeance- to show the fairy just what kind of damage she’d done to her  and that Clawdeen would never be able to forget how she was used. 

O r maybe it was that, despite how tarnished the fairy’s reputation was in her mind, despite how heavy the betrayal still felt on Clawdeen’s shoulders, there was a part of her that still, somehow, gave a shit about the fairy and worried for her and hoped that by this meeting, she could at least see if Gem had finally gotten herself together, from what little Clawdeen knew of her life before she came to Salem. 

So many what-ifs. So many possibilities. All of it made her head spin. 

A brief glance at the clock told her it was almost three. She uncrossed her legs and picked up her purse. 

“I have to go,” she said, “I need to run to the pharmacy before it closes and pick up my dry-cleaning.” 

“Are you sure?” Jennifur asked, “We still have ten minutes.” 

“I’m sure,” Clawdeen said, standing up, “I promise. If I’m, like, feeling weird or unsure or having a crisis, I’ll be sure to call you.” 

Jennifur couldn’t help but smirk at that. “ I would hope you would,” she joked, “That’s why you pay me, after all.” 

She stood up and followed Clawdeen to the door. As she held it open for her, she took one last moment to  put a reassuring hand on the werewolf’s shoulder. 

“Be safe out there,” she said, “Please, take care of yourself.”

“Thank you,” Clawdeen said, feigning her best smile. 

She felt the furthest thing from having any joy, though, as she walked out of the office and made her way to the parking lot to her car. She got in behind the wheel and just sat there for a minute, mulling over her and Jennifur’s conversation. 

Her shoulders hung heavily as she thought back to all the tension from the previous two weeks. Suddenly, it was like everything she’d been feeling since she opened Gem’s e-mail came flooding back to her all at once. 

She pulled out of the parking lot and drove far enough so she was out of sight of Jennifur’s windows. 

Once she was far away enough, she pulled over onto the side of the road, where she finally allowed herself to weep.

* * *

Clawdeen pushed open the front door and stepped into the house. She carelessly tossed her purse and keys onto the counter, before she strolled into the living room and let herself fall backwards onto the couch, not even bothering to take her shoes or jacket off. 

She tilted her head back and closed her eyes, bringing one hand up to rub at the bridge of her nose. 

“I’m so tired of having to go through this shit,” she muttered to herself, letting her hand fall back as she stared up at the ceiling. 

She sat like that for a few seconds, mindlessly thinking of everything and nothing at once, before she heard Romulus shuffling around upstairs. 

“Babe, you there?” he called up from the stairs. 

Clawdeen rolled her head towards the direction of the stairwell. “Yeah,” she called back, “I’m here.” 

She saw his shadow on the wall, before he appeared around the corner. He was wearing an old white t-shirt and jeans that were both covered in dried paint, as were his hands. 

“How’d it go?” he asked as he started to descend down the stairs, holding onto the railing. 

“ Same old, same old,” Clawdeen said tiredly, lifting her head to stare blankly at the TV, which wa s currently turned off, “ I rant about my feelings and the fact that I’m all fucked up and have a fucked up life, and she sits there and listens and tries to make sense of all this bullshit.” 

“Did you guys talk about...the thing?” he asked, rubbing the back of his neck. 

Clawdeen just closed her eyes and shrugged. “We did,” she answered, “And I’m still not any closer to figuring out what the fuck I should do. Either I feel all this stupid guilt by ignoring her or I put myself in danger or just set myself up to be fucked over again meeting with her.” 

Her fists balled at her sides as she felt a familiar wave of anger take over her. 

The whole thing felt like a lose-lose situation. It was selfish and fucked up, but why did it always have to be  _ her  _ problem with stuff like this? Why couldn’t it be someone else’s baggage for once? 

Her heart had been through the ringer and had been bruised and cracked and smashed far more times than the average person could ever even bear. She wasn’t sure how much more she could take. 

Romulus looked at her for a second,  noting her despondent expression. 

He pursed his lips together in thought,  and looked over his shoulder towards the stairs.

When he looked back at her, a small smile began to grow on his angular features. He reached down and grabbed Clawdeen’s hand. 

“Come with me,” he said, “I have something to show you.” 

Clawdeen gave him a questioning look, but he just tugged at her hand. She allowed him to help her stand up, before he started pulling her along to the stairs. 

“What is it?” she asked. 

Romulus just turned and gave her a grin over his shoulder. “You’ll see,” he said. 

He led the two of them up the stairs, before directing Clawdeen to follow him down the hall once they were at the second level. 

“I figured we might as well get as much done as we could before the baby comes, that way we don’t have to keep worrying over our finances for the next few months,” he explained, “And luckily, most of the guys happened to have the day off, so I asked them if they could come over and help me...” 

“With...what?” Clawdeen frowned at him, very confused over what he said. 

He didn’t respond to her as he led her over to the room at the end of the hall that was reserved to be the nursery. The door was currently closed.  Clawdeen grimaced as she caught the heavy scent of chemicals coming from the other side. 

Romulus grabbed the doorknob and looked at her, giving her a big, proud smile.  He turned the knob and pushed the door open, leading her inside. 

“What you think?” he asked. 

Clawdeen stepped inside and looked around, her eyes widening in shock at what she saw. 

The nursery was now completely done and set up. The transformation  left her in awe: The walls had been painted a light custard yellow, and decorating them were hand-drawn pictures of long, thin trees with birds- all in various shades of baby blue, magenta, light orange or dark purple- resting on their branches. The windows had been opened to allow the scent of paint and other materials to air out, causing a small breeze to waft in through the star and moon-print curtains. 

The furniture had also been set up, with the cherry oak dresser set up against the wall near the window  and its surface decorated with a ceramic rocking horse figure that Clawd had given them as a gift and a vase of fake flowers. The rocking chair sat in the corner and the crib was set up across from the dresser on the opposite wall; the circus animal sheets that they had picked out at the store were set up and folded, while Clawdeen’s baby blanket was lay over them and the old teddy bear that had once belonged to Romulus sat up smiling against the pillow. 

T o the far left of the room, the changing table was set up against another corner. Adjacent to it was a toy chest that was open, allowing Clawdeen to see all the plush animals in it. Under the changing table was a shelf that was filled with baby books and baby’s toys and blankets. 

Clawdeen looked around in awe, taking in all the little details. Seeing the organization and just the completeness of it made her heart swell. 

In the last three years, she didn’t think she’d ever see the room look like this. Now, she was almost brought to tears at its state. 

“Deuce and Dougey helped me set up all the furniture,” Romulus explained, putting his hands in his pockets as he smiled at the look on her face, “Catrine came over, too, and volunteered to paint the birds. I just thought it was time the baby finally got to have her room done.” 

Clawdeen turned to him. There were tears in her eyes, but she was smiling wide. 

“It...it’s beautiful!” she exclaimed, “I love it...” 

“I’m glad,” Romulus said proudly. 

He chuckled as Clawdeen held her hands out and took them in his. She tugged him close to her and hugged him tightly, sniffling in happiness at what she’d seen. Clawdeen pulled away just enough to look into his eyes, before she closed them and brought her lips to his in a gentle kiss. Romulus smiled against them and reciprocated with great delight. 

Romulus broke away and looked down at her belly, which was sandwiched between them. He cupped her sides gently and she slid her hands over his as they felt Furla briefly moving around. 

“She’s been a lot more active lately,” Romulus commented as he looked down at her swell with great love. 

Clawdeen smiled, “She’s getting excited. She wants to see her daddy.” 

Romulus looked back up at her with  a sensual look in his eye. He leaned in and gave her another kiss, before he pulled away. 

“I’m gonna go to take a shower,” he said, heading for the door, “I probably smell like a sewer by now.” 

Clawdeen followed him out as he headed over to their bedroom, which was only a few feet away. He headed for the bathroom and flipped on the switch, before he turned to her. 

“I’ll try to be quick and help with dinner,” he said, “Could you get the water boiling, until then?”

“Actually...” Clawdeen said. 

Her eyes began to roam his figure; she noticed the way his t-shirt, damp with his sweat, clung to his chest, allowing his muscles to be outlined against the fabric. It was short-sleeved and exposed his arms as well. 

A small stirring began to build in her as she took in these details,  and she bit her lip in excitement. She looked back up at him. He was watching her, his brows raised in a curious expression. 

“Do you mind...” Clawdeen asked, smiling playfully, “...If I join you?” 

Romulus’s eyes widened briefly, and he grinned at her with satisfaction as they suddenly darkened with desire. He took a step closer to her. She kept eye contact with him as she slid her hands up his chest, feeling how they tensed  under her touch. 

“I would be delighted,” Romulus answered, sliding his hands around her waist.

He bent down and gave her a brief kiss; it was light, but it was enough to make Clawdeen’s toes curl as the heat in her grew. 

Romulus turned on the water and tested its  temperature , before he switched the stream and allowed the shower head to run. Once it was hot and steamy, they each removed their clothes, before Romulus smiled at her gently and took her hand to help her into the bathtub. Clawdeen  slowly stepped up, before she turned her back and sighed as the hot spray cascaded over her. The warmth did wonders for her back. 

She tilted her head back and allowed her hair to get wet, smiling as she opened her eyes and saw that he had stepped in and shut the curtain. He took her bottle of shampoo in his hands, and she stepped close to him and wrapped her arms around him as she allowed him to gently wash her hair.  The feel of his hands running through her damp curls and his claws lightly scratching against her scalp was heavenly, making her sigh at the sensation. 

“Feels good?” Romulus asked, chuckling at the expression of bliss that overcame her features. 

“Mhhhmmm,” Clawdeen hummed, still entranced by his comforting touch. 

He brought her back under the shower head in order to wash out the suds, which left her tresses shiny and smelling of  pomegranate.

“You need a haircut,” she joked as she helped him wash his own hair, which made his tousled locks fall in front of his face like a sheepdog. 

Romulus just stuck his tongue out at her and made a goofy expression. “What, you don’t like my new look?” he joked, pushing his wet hair back, “In my day, all the cool kids  wore it like this.” 

“Yeah, and they all looked equally ridiculous doing it,” Clawdeen giggled, cupping his cheek lovingly, feeling his stubble under her palm. 

Grinning, Romulus brought her in and kissed her nose, before he grabbed the body wash and began helping her clean her body. The scent of coconut and magnolia filled their senses. 

Clawdeen cooed in contentment and huddled close to him, holding herself tightly against his chest as he helped smooth out her fur and cleanse it of the smells of the day which had clung to her. 

She sighed as she felt his hands running over her back, gently massaging the knots out as he washed her fur. 

The tender touches sent a pang of desire through her, one that was much stronger than the previous one. Clawdeen bit her lip as she felt heat bloom in her center. Other parts of her body quickly began to wake up, yearning for his touch. 

Turning to face him, she gently pressed her lips to his chest. That got her a small groan of appreciation from Romulus. Clawdeen smiled. 

She pressed another kiss to the same area. This time, though, she slipped her hand out from around his back and slid it down between them, where she took him into a gentle, but firm grip. 

Romulus responded with a low moan as slowly, she began to stroke him. Clawdeen gave her own moan, a coiling sensation in her stomach starting as she felt him grow hard in her palm. She looked up at him, watching as he threw his head back  in pleasure. 

“Clawdeen...” he murmured, his voice husky with arousal. 

Clawdeen closed her eyes. She began to kiss his chest again, creating a trail that slowly descended down his pectorals and stomach as she lowered herself to her knees, all the while her hand steadily worked him. 

Romulus looked down at her and stroked her hair as knelt in front of him, excitement building in him as he saw how close she was to his groin. 

“What are you doing?” he asked lowly. 

Clawdeen just smiled up at him, before she turned to his lower half. 

“I need you...” she said in a whisper, “Oh, Romulus...” 

Wrapping both hands around him, she closed her eyes and leaned her forward to take his erect length into her mouth. 

Steadily, she began to bob her head back and forth, working her lips and her tongue along him. 

Romulus squeezed his eyes shut and gave a loud moan as waves of heat began to roll out from his groin area. He  bowed his head, unable to do much but cry out as she pleasured him. The coil in his own stomach began to tighten painfully, making all of his nerves come alive with euphoria. 

“C-Clawdeen...” he murmured, squinting out as he watched her. His hand came up and grasped the back of her head. 

Clawdeen gave another moan as she moved her head. She took one hand away from him to massage one of her breasts; her hardened nipple tingled as she rubbed her finger and thumb over it, before she dipped  that same hand between her legs. 

It was quite the erotic scene, him watching her  fel l ate him while she touched herself.  He was hard and stiff and she could taste his pre-ejaculate on her tongue as she steadily rubbed at her slick entrance and sensitive clit. Clawdeen whimpered as she felt herself unraveling; she was ready and wet for him and longed to feel him against her. 

Right now, in the moment, all she wanted was to be one with him and feel his hands on her  and his lips on her skin. The water rained over both of them, soaking their pelts. 

Suddenly, she felt Romulus wind his hand deeper into her hair and tug. 

“S-Stop,” he managed to stammer out, “W-Wait, stop.” 

Confused, Clawdeen took her mouth away from him and looked up. The way he was looking at her- positively predatory, like he just wanted to  _eat_ her up- made a rush of goosebumps break out over her skin, despite the hot water pouring over her. 

“Is something wrong?” she asked, now genuinely concerned that something had happened. 

Romulus smiled down at her and cupped her cheek in his hand. 

“Not that it doesn’t feel fucking _amazing_ ,” he said, “But I’d rather not one of us slip and bust our asses in this wet tub. I’d rather not have ‘sex sent me to the ER’ story.” 

The comment made Clawdeen burst out laughing. She giggled heavily as he chuckled with her. As she calmed down, she felt him grab her arm, and she smiled up at him gratefully as he helped her to her feet. 

Their hearts both beat fast in their chests as they helped each other wash the rest of the lather off their bodies,  the mere feeling of their hands on each other making both throb with excitement. 

Romulus turned the water off and stepped out, grabbing a towel before he turned to help Clawdeen out. He knelt down beside her and began to help her dry off; Clawdeen raised one leg to rest on the toilet to help him. Her stomach fluttered with excitement as she felt his hands creep closer up her thighs. 

“Aw….” she cooed as he paused and gave her a look, before he leaned forward buried his head between her legs. 

She threw her head back and whimpered in pleasure as she felt his lips and tongue gently tease at her  entrance. Her hands reached down burrowed in his hair. Romulus let loose a sigh, taking delight in the scent of her as he tasted her. He moved his tongue up and down, lapping up her  personal nectar like a cat would milk. Clawdeen mewled and rolled her hips, desperate to feel more of him. 

“ _Romulus...”_ she moaned. 

Hearing the wanton tone of her voice,  Romulus leaned back on the balls of his feet. He took in the shallow rise and fall of her chest, the way she was starting to pant as she stared down at him, her eyes glazed over with desire. 

He gave her a dark smirk as he stood up and reached for her. Clawdeen giggled as he slid his hands  under her thighs and lifted her up so she could straddle his waist as he held her up. She wrapped her arms around his neck and looked down at him hungrily. 

“I say we order in, tonight,” Romulus whispered. 

Clawdeen laughed at the comment, and pressed herself against him eagerly as he carried her to into their room, any angst of the day quickly forgotten as they tumbled into their bed. 


	12. Chapter 11: Share In The Heartache

Slowly, Clawdeen was roused from her slumber as her sense of awareness came back. She could hear birds chirping outside, and as she shifted her weight, it dimly registered to her that she was lying on her side under the blankets. The toasty warmth of the comforter made her groan, and she snuggled her cheek further into her pillow, while one hand came up to rest under it.

Behind her, she could hear the mattress creak slightly as she felt it dip slightly under her from Romulus also adjusting his position, before she felt the arm that was wrapped around her waist squeeze slightly as it pulled her in closer against his chest from where he lay next to her.

Clawdeen smiled in her doze at the embrace. As she woke up, memories of the night before came back to her; how they had spent half the night with him making tender, passionate love to her, their bodies gently rocking together in a synchronized rhythm that helped bring great pleasure to both of them and Clawdeen’s entire being feel electrified as she came alive and climaxed under his touch. How, when both of them were finally too tired to go on, they spent the remainder of their waking hours feeling Furla’s movements, which were becoming more frequent lately.

It made Clawdeen’s excitement grow. _Only three more months, then I get to see you!_ she’d think as she’d rub her belly tenderly. She couldn’t help herself; day by day, each of her insecurities and fears was getting overshadowed by her joy that she was going to be a mother. 

S he let out a whine of disapproval as the peaceful quiet of the morning was suddenly interrupted by the harsh blaring of the bedside alarm. She also pouted as she felt Romulus pull his arm away and the bed shift again, before he pulled away from her. Her eyes clenched tightly together; Clawdeen gave a tired groan and rolled over, holding her arms out. 

“Hey...get...back here,” she moaned out, finally opening her eyes to squint at him. 

Romulus chuckled and propped his head in his palm to look down at her fondly. “I would love to, but we still have to make a living, you know,” he joked, “ Especially if we’re going to have a child and make sure that we’ll be able to send her to college in eighteen years.” 

He reached out and stroked her cheek, tucking a stray curl behind her ear. Clawdeen just moaned and snuggled closer to him. 

“Don’t care,” she murmured, “Need you to stay here and keep me warm...”

That got her another laugh from Romulus. He bent down and kissed her cheek, before he turned away from her and sat up. 

Clawdeen gave a groan of displeasure, but didn’t attempt to argue further. She opened her eyes all the way and propped her head up on her fist and elbow, watching as he threw the covers back and  stood up, allowing her to see his full bare figure as he walked over to their shared clothing drawer and pulled out a pair of undershorts from his side. 

“Mmmm, I might need you to stay here for more than just that,” Clawdeen joked as she smirked at the delightful view she was given of his rear, “I could burn off some of these extra calories from all this baby weight...” 

Romulus pulled on his boxers and turned to look at her, one of his brows raised in  surprise at her request. 

“Damn, woman, you sending me mixed signals here!” he exclaimed, “Just the other day, you didn’t want me to come within an inch of you, and now you can’t get enough of me.” 

“I’m pregnant, I can’t help it,” Clawdeen replied, “Besides, last time I checked, you _certainly_ didn’t have any complaints last night.” 

As a response, Romulus just shot her a childish grin over his shoulder and stuck his tongue out at her, which made her roll her eyes.  He reached out and rubbed her hand lovingly, before he finally pulled away and headed for their closet. 

“I have to get going,” he said, opening the door and entering to start pulling out his clothes. 

Sighing, Clawdeen  rolled over onto her stomach and held herself aloft on her elbows, her arms crossed over each other.  She laid her head on her arms and watched him as he picked out his outfit and started dressing. 

“Don’t give me that look,” Romulus commented as he came out of the closet, in the middle of buttoning his shirt, “You make me feel guilty.” 

“What look?” Clawdeen asked playfully, though she was smiling; she already knew what he was talking about. She batted her eyelashes at him for emphasis. 

“That look!” Romulus exclaimed, “You know what those puppy-dog eyes do to me! You look at me like I’m doing something wrong, and it makes me not want to leave!” 

Clawdeen gave him a mischievous  smile and shrugged. “Well,” she said with a cute tone, “ You don’t  _have_ to if you don’t want to.” 

Romulus made a ‘hmph’ sound. “Cute. But sadly, that’s not how reality works.” 

He lightly tapped her nose, before he leaned down to kiss her. Clawdeen tilted her head up and  cooed as she reciprocated, before Romulus pulled away. 

“I’ll be downstairs,” he said, pulling on his blazer, “Don’t stay in bed all day, okay?”

“You can’t tell me what to do,” Clawdeen joked. 

“No, but I can heavily advise against it,” Romulus countered. 

C lawdeen waved him off, but she pulled back the covers and swung her legs over the side. She grunted as she struggled to get to her feet; she put a hand to her lower back in order to support herself as she got her balance. Her other hand came to rest on her stomach as she stood up. 

“Oooh, sometimes I swear she’s putting all her weight towards my vertebrae,” she commented, “I feel like I’m going to look like Coach Igor by the time she comes out.” 

Romulus chuckled and slid his arm around her waist. He leaned over to kiss her forehead and said, “Well, you look a lot sexier, to be fair.” 

That got him a chuckle from Clawdeen, who lightly slapped his arm in playfulness.  She leaned against him and slid her own arm up his back. 

They stayed like that as they  made their way out of the bedroom and headed downstairs  for the day. 

* * *

Later that day, after Romulus had headed to work, Clawdeen sat on the floor in her  sewing room, currently occupied with several pieces of fabric that lay in her lap that she was attempting to stitch together in order to make a baby blanket. She stuck her tongue out the corner of her mouth in concentration  as she carefully threaded the needle through the edges of two pieces, trying to maintain an even stitch as she pieced them together

It was a bit hard; she wasn’t used to creating  stuff like this. Blankets and quilts required a different kind of stitching than what she was used to for her clothes, and in frustration, she’d already accidentally  pricked her fingers at least four times. 

It was quite a task, but she was determined to see the project through to its completion. The blanket was going to be for Furla, and Clawdeen was willing to bear however man y bleeding fingers it took to finish it and be able to wrap her baby ghoul in it once she was here. 

A few feet away, Crescent lay on her side watching her. She turned her gaze upon the  pin cushion that lay near Clawdeen. Her tail slowly began to swish back and forth. 

“Don’t even think about it,” Clawdeen said, without looking up from the current stitch she was making, “The last thing we need is to splurge on getting you to the ER for a perforated stomach.” 

Crescent’s tail immediately stopped. She let out “ _Meow!”_ of disappointment and rolled over onto her other side, away from the werewolf. 

“You can go ahead and pout,” Clawdeen replied, raising her brows in amusement, “You have plenty of toys. Go mess with one of those.” 

She smirked as she just heard Crescent give another meow, before she settled down and began to nap. Grabbing another needle from her cushion, she slid it through the two pieces of fabric she was now focusing on. 

_Ding-dong!_

“Meow!” Crescent exclaimed as both her and Clawdeen raised their heads at the sound of the doorbell ringing.

Clawdeen looked towards the door of the sewing room and furrowed her brows. Whoever could that be? She wasn’t expecting any company today.

Slowly, she got to her feet and placed her project on top of her sewing table, before she headed to the door and opened it. As soon as she pulled it back, Crescent darted out from between her feet and rushed into the master bedroom, wanting to hide from whoever had rung the doorbell.

As she walked down the stairs, Clawdeen heard the doorbell ring again. She leaned forward and craned her neck to try and see if she could spot whoever was there through the front window; her movements were cautious, like she was wary of the person hearing her if she made too much noise.

The doorbell ringed again.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Clawdeen called out to them, “Hold your unicorns.”

She stopped in front of the door. Her hand hovered over to the doorknob; Clawdeen looked over her shoulder towards the coat closet.

If she remembered correctly, her old baseball bat should’ve been in there.

She could only hope her reflexes would be fast enough for her to reach in and get it if she needed it, if the person on the other side of the door intended to bring her arm.

Swallowing hard, Clawdeen leaned her hands flat against the door and peered into the peephole.

Standing right outside was a tall monster woman with blue skin and white hair. She wore a thick sweater vest and fur jacket as she craned her neck, as if trying to look into the top window that lay above the door.

Clawdeen immediately felt all tension drain her body as she realized it was Abbey. She closed her eyes and sighed in relief. She then quickly straightened up and opened the door.

“Abbey? Hey,” she greeted, “What are you doing here?”

She was quite surprised to see the yeti, who stood there holding a stack of three plates, all of which were covered in plastic wrap.

“Hello, Clawdeen!” Abbey greeted cheerfully, “May I come in? Kids are out with Heath as he runs around and I have house to myself. I figure I should come see you, as I thought you would be alone as well. Thought we could have chance to talk, just ghoul to ghoul if you not mind.”

“Um, sure,” Clawdeen asked, stepping aside to let the taller monster in.

Abbey stepped into the foyer and turned around. She held out the plates in her hand and smiled.

“Brought many treats for you and Romulus to delight over!” she said, “Have made yak milk cookies, Yetish delight, and yak meat cuts straight from farm of my father! Is very good at giving protein and strength for new mother.”

Clawdeen smiled and led her into the kitchen. “It makes me wonder if you could sense my cravings,” she joked, “I’ve been craving so much salt lately, my kidney will probably be hating me by the end of this.”

“Luckily, then, yak meat needs no salt. Is already rich in flavor and nutrition,” Abbey explained as she put the plates down on the counter.

She pulled back the plastic wrap to allow Clawdeen to see the snacks she had brought. She pulled back the wrap on the one carrying slices of yak meat and grabbed a few pieces off it, holding them out to Clawdeen.

“Try,” she requested, “You might enjoy it.”

Clawdeen took the slices from her hand and popped them into her mouth. She chewed for a few seconds, before she closed her eyes and gave a loan groan of approval.

“Mmmmh, that’s good,” she said, holding a hand to her mouth as she chewed, “Tastes a bit like turkey jerky.”

“Yes, is delicious,” Abbey agreed. She glanced down at the werewolf’s stomach and smiled, “My mother always tell me, that if you crave certain food when you are carrying baby, it will be baby’s favorite food as they grow up.”

Clawdeen chuckled, “Well, let’s hope she doesn’t get _too_ used to it. This stuff is crazy expensive to get imported all the way down here- I could buy six new pairs of shoes with the price!”

Abbey shrugged, “Could always convince Mama and Papa to send down some for free for you. They always make exception for good friends.”

“No, I’m not going to leech off your parents like that,” Clawdeen refused, “My beef and chicken is good enough for me.”

She reached for one of the other plates, which held the cookies, which looked to be snickerdoodles. She took a bite and leaned against the counter as she chewed, looking at Abbey with a curious expression.

“So, what’s been up with you?” she asked in between bites, “Is there something specific you wanted to talk about?”

Abbey looked up from the meat and plate and glanced at her.

To Clawdeen’s surprise, a faint blush rose up on her cheeks. Abbey dropped her gaze and looked down the counter in somewhat of a shy manner. Her hands wrung the handles of her purse like she was nervous. It wasn’t a kind of behavior Clawdeen saw often from the yeti.

“Abbey?” she called again, slightly concerned, “Is something wrong?”

Abbey sighed. She closed her eyes, before she finally looked back up at her, her expression much more serious this time.

“Yes, something is wrong,” she answered, “I’m afraid I have said and done thing, and yet not done thing, that I must apologize for.”

Clawdeen blinked at her, surprised by the admission. She tilted her head in confusion.

“Apologize for what?” she asked, “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Abbey nodded, “Yes, I did. Did not realize it until recently, but feel guilty knowing I didn’t think about it at moment until it was too late.”

This only puzzled Clawdeen further. Her and Abbey hadn’t really hung out for the last couple of weeks, due to their different schedules, so other than a few weekly phone calls and messages on Frightbook, they hadn’t really seen each other.

She thought back to those interactions, trying to remember what was said. She didn’t recall anything Abbey had said that had offended her.

“I don’t know what you-”

“When you finally told us all about how you are expecting baby, I was quite happy,” Abbey cut her off, “And I still am- is great pleasure, to finally be mother and feel child grow in you. We will surely celebrate when baby wolf arrives.”

She gave the werewolf a smile, but it was short-lived and quickly fell as her shoulders dropped with what seemed to be despair.

“But then, I think back to conversation we have with Draculaura that one day when we meet up at maul,” she explained, “And I remember I comment I make towards you. About you understanding hardships of children when you become mother.”

_Oh._

Clawdeen flinched, remembering that conversation. Abbey hadn’t meant anything by it, not intentionally, but it had still stung deeply. That, and the revelation that Gigi was pregnant and everyone already knew- meanwhile, Clawdeen was hesitant to let anyone know in fear that she would only have to face their humiliation if she ended up having another miscarriage- had been a cloud that hung over her head for the rest of the day. It had hurt deeply, even though she knew Abbey hadn’t meant anything by it.

“Oh...yeah...that...” was all she could think to say, which she uttered in a small voice.

Abbey nodded in confirmation, looking deeply ashamed, “I realize that I put foot in mouth at that moment. Did not mean any harm, but gave no thought that I possibly only reminded you of pain and hardship that you have been through. And I am sorry for that; should have been more sensitive to situation instead of making quilt statements.”

Clawdeen swallowed the last bit of the cookie she was eating. It was a little bit difficult making it go down. It was a slight surprise to her, realizing how much the comment had still affected her, even now.

“Well, I…I forgive you,” she said, “I know you didn’t mean anything bad by it. And, I mean, there was no way you could’ve known about...about _this_ at that time. I know I kept you guys in the dark for a long time...”

At the mention of ‘this’, she gestured to her stomach. Abbey nodded, but she still looked uncomfortable, like there was something else on her mind.

“There is also something else I want to apologize for...” she said quietly, “I feel like I have been bad friend, allowing you to suffer as you have, feeling like you are alone...”

Clawdeen furrowed her brows, “What...do you mean?”

It was shocking to her to see the amount of sudden emotion that suddenly flooded Abbey’s eyes. The latter looked like she was actually on the verge of crying as she seemed to gather her thoughts. Taking a deep breath, Abbey released it with a bit of a shudder, like she was prepping herself to give the worst news or reveal the worst parts of her. Clawdeen waited tensely for her to begin.

Finally, Abbey looked her straight in the eye and admitted, “...You are not alone in having suffered loss of child. I...I, too, have lost baby before.”

Clawdeen’s mouth dropped open in shock. It was a foreign sight to see as Abbey suddenly hunched her shoulders up while her eyes filled with tears. She turned away from the werewolf like she didn’t want to see her cry. She looked like a little ghoul in that moment; it made Clawdeen’s heart ache.

“Oh...Oh, Abbey,” she said softly, putting her hand on the yeti’s shoulder, “I’m so sorry. W...When?”

Abbey sniffed and wiped at her eyes. “Few months after Heath and me became engaged, I started not feeling well. Took pregnancy test and it was positive.”

Her shoulders slump as she seemed to recall something distressing. “Was planning on revealing it at rehearsal party,” she confessed, “But after almost two months, went to bathroom one morning and found blood in undergarments. Ultrasound at hospital determined baby was gone.”

She took a napkin from the counter and dabbed at the corners of her eyes before wiping her nose. She looked so vulnerable in that moment, Clawdeen almost didn’t recognize her. It was such a far cry from the normally brusque and tough nature that she was used to from Abbey.

“That must’ve been terrible for you,” she said.

Abbey let out a breath. She stared blankly at the wall opposite them in thought.

“Sometimes feel like I should’ve been more aware,” she said, “Was always told that it would be hard carrying baby that is half-fire monster, that having children with Heath would be difficult due to how different our species are. Even then, though, when I realize I lost the baby, I...I felt so hollow. So _empty._

“No matter what the struggle,” she said quietly, “That was _my_ baby. My yetling, and I lost them before I could even hold them.”

Clawdeen nodded. She knew exactly what that feeling was like. She gently rubbed Abbey’s back as the latter let more of her emotions out.

Suddenly, though, Abbey straightened up and turned to face her. Her eyes were now filled with great regret.

“Is why I must apologize,” she said, “You feel great pain, as I have, and yet I have let you feel like you have to bear such burden alone. I have kept secret and let you feel isolated from rest of our friends when we share in same struggle.”

That made Clawdeen’s eyes widen. She then shook her head.

“Abbey, no,” she said, “Don’t feel bad. You’re not obligated to tell me, or anyone, anything about stuff like this. You need your own time to be able to come to terms with it. If you didn’t feel comfortable talking about it at the time, I understand completely.”

“Still, though...” Abbey insisted.

Clawdeen interrupted, “‘Still’ nothing. If you didn’t feel ready to tell me, you didn’t feel ready. Just because you thought it could’ve maybe helped me, it doesn’t mean you should feel like you were required to. Nobody’s entitled to your hardships.”

It saddened her to think that Abbey felt like she was doing their friendship a disservice by not revealing her own miscarriage to her. But she understood, though, why she wouldn’t want to say anything. She understood completely- even if you accepted what had happened, it took quite a lot to be able to actually _face_ what had happened and endure that embarrassment and the internal shame you couldn’t help but feel; that inner guilt that lingered that, despite everyone letting you know it was technically a natural phenomenon and it wasn’t your fault, made you think that in whatever nonsensical way, that there may have been _something_ you could’ve done to prevent it.

Abbey searched her eyes, as if she didn’t quite believe her, before she bit her lip and bowed her head. An uncharacteristic pained whimper escaped her. She brushed a frozen-solid track of tears from her cheek as Clawdeen handed her some tissues from the counter, which she took with a word of thanks.

“Does anyone else know?” Clawdeen asked after a moment.

Abbey shook her head and blew her nose. Her eyes were slightly puffy and red, and her nose was red and slightly raw.

“Nobody else know but Heath. Didn’t want joy of wedding to be over-clouded by loose lips of monsters talking about tragedy of baby,” she explained, “Not even parents know.”

She sighed and fiddled with the soiled napkins in her hand, “When I got pregnant with Neva, spent many months worrying she would turn out like first baby. The day she was born and I get to hold her for the first time, was like winter gods come down and bless me themselves.”

The mention of the memory made her smile. Her gaze slid to the floor and her expression became more subdued.

“Over time, pain of losing baby lessened, especially with Neva and Fintan being born,” she said, “But...never truly forget what happened.”

“You never do,” Clawdeen said in a low voice, “It never goes away.”

She cupped her stomach at the lingering thought. The two of them stared out at the wall, deep in thought as they recalled those horrible moments in their unlives.

Finally calmed down, Abbey took a deep breath and cleaned up the rest of her tears. She turned and face Clawdeen with a serious expression, before she reached down and gently took the werewolf’s hands in her own.

“I am so sorry you have to experience this, especially again and again, Clawdeen,” she said, “Is no burden that anyone should have to bear. But I hope me telling you lets you feel less lonely; please know you are not alone in what you have gone through and I am always here to lend shoulder for you to gently release your tears on if you have to, even if I know I do not act like it always.”

Clawdeen was genuinely touched by the comment and smiled at her. She squeezed the taller ghoul’s hands; they were soft and cold to the touch, as if they’d been left to be soaked in a bowl of ice water.

“Thank you,” she said, “And thank you for trusting me with such a personal secret of yours. You can trust me with it.”

Abbey nodded, “Already do, or else wouldn’t have told you. Also have not felt need to let anyone know- was long time ago, and have been successful with babies since. Did not see why everyone should know of thing in past.”

“If only it were that easy for me...” Clawdeen muttered, a half-smile on her face.

She blushed as she realized she was turning the conversation back to herself, but Abbey just shrugged, seemingly taking no offense to the comment. She replied, “Even if everyone knows, is still none of their business. If they ask for detail, you tell them they can frankly push their noses where the sun does not shed its light.

“As you said,” she gestured, “Nobody is owed explanation from you about your pain. You reveal only what you want to reveal. If they don’t like that? Fuck them.”

Clawdeen chuckled. There was the Abbey she knew- the ghoul who never saw the point in beating around the bush.

And it did help, her story. After all these years of feeling like she was alone in her struggles, that despite her friends’ support, they couldn’t relate to what she was going through, it was nice knowing that there was finally _someone_ in her circle who understood her fears and frustration.

“Thank Esa for that,” she joked.

She turned back and gestured to the plate of cookies.

“Now,” she said, “Moving on, how’s about we lighten up our moods by you telling me the secret ingredient that goes into these delicious snacks?”


	13. Chapter 12: Unlife's A Celebration

In the weeks since she and Abbey got together for their talk, Clawdeen was able to find a few temporary distractions that, for the moment, allowed her to forget the issue at hand and her complicated feelings towards the whole matter in order to focus on more jovial occasions.

Specifically, with one such occasion being today, as it was the day of her baby shower. Clawdeen had known about the ghouls planning on throwing her one for a while, but as her and Romulus arrived at the park at which it was being held, the sight of the decorations still managed to make her emotional.

It was amazing, how much work had obviously been put into organizing the party. Pink balloons had been tied with curly ribbons around the stands of the pavilion they had reserved, along with others that were in the shape of butterflies and had IT’S A GIRL printed on their fronts. From their parking spot, Clawdeen could see that white tablecloths with pink polka dots covering the picnic tables, and their surfaces decorated with glittery pink and gold cups that were stacked next to the drinks, along with pink frosted cupcakes and other snacks that had pink and gold sprinkles on them. On another table, a small pile of gifts lay stacked. She spotted Frankie and Lagoona on the benches, putting up the last of the streamers.

She loved it, though at the same time, Clawdeen couldn’t help but give a small sigh.

“And there they go, with all that pink,” she commented as Romulus pulled the handbrake, “It’s like they hear the gender and immediately decide that they’ve got to make her the prettiest, most girly-ghoul who will automatically like horseback riding and flowers and whatnot as can be.”

“They’re just wanting to have a little fun,” Romulus chuckled, “Plus, something tells me Lala just wanted an excuse to go all out with her favorite color.”

He looked at her with a smile as he took her hand. “Now,” he said, “Shall we?”

Clawdeen regarded him with her own soft expression and nodded, lacing her fingers through him.

“You bet,” she said, “I’m having a heavy craving for one of those cupcakes I see.”

They unbuckled their seat belts and got out of the car. Clawdeen placed one hand against her lower back, wincing as she tried to find a more comfortable position to walk as she felt the strain of Furla’s weight against her lower muscles. Romulus walked around over to her and took her hand, before they walked over to the pavilion.

Deuce was the one who first saw them as they approached. He was bent over a cooler, helping Clawd take out cans of soda and juice boxes to line along the table. He raised his head and smiled as he caught sight of the werewolf pair.

“There’s our lady of the hour!” he exclaimed, standing up straight, “You look amazing, ‘Deen!”

“Oh stop it, I know I’m a bit puffy today,” Clawdeen refuted, though she allowed him to draw her in for a sideways hug.

“No, really,” Deuce insisted, standing back to smile as he took in her floor length floral dress, “The motherly glow’s definitely coming out.”

Clawdeen blushed at his comments. Romulus grinned at the gorgon and nudged him.

“Hey, Gorgon, cool it with the compliments,” he joked, “I don’t want to have to throw down with you with everyone watching if you keep talking to my wife like that.”

“You say that like you’re awfully confident that you would win such a thing,” Deuce said back, holding his hand out to shake the older wolf’s.

As they pulled away, Cleo and Lagoona came rushing over to them. The both of them were wearing big, bright smiles at Clawdeen as they came over.

“Hey, baby!” Lagoona exclaimed as she threw her arms around the werewolf and brought her in for a tight hug, “So glad you could make it!”

“Well, it is _my_ baby shower,” Clawdeen pointed out with a smile, “I would think I should be here, of all people.” 

She hugged her and Cleo back tightly, before she allowed them to take her by each of her hands and guide her and Romulus over to one of the picnic tables that had been set up under the pavilion. 

Everyone who wasn’t helping putting the last minute touches on sat at the tables or in folding chairs that had been brought  in was sitting at the tables, talking with each other as they sipped their drinks. As Clawdeen was led over to the table, they stopped their conversations  and looked at her, all of their faces brightening  at the sight of her. All who were still absorbed in their discussions paused as Lagoona raised her hand and waved, calling for their attention. 

“Okay, everyone, Mama Wolf is here!” she announced, “So let’s all grab our bevvies and give a shout to our future parents of the year!” 

All the guests gave small cheers and exclamations of excitement as Clawdeen and Romulus sat down at the central table, with some even clapping in applause.  Clawdeen felt her face flush once again at the attention; it was almost a little embarrassing, having everyone’s eyes on her. 

“When are you do, Deen?” Wydowna asked from where she leaned against one of the tables.

Clawdeen looked over at her and smiled as she placed a hand on her stomach. “July sixteenth,” she confirmed, “ That is, if she doesn’t decide she’s tired of using my kidneys as a beanbag. She’s been moving so much lately, it feels like she’s trying to shove her foot all the way through my belly-button.” 

Some of the ghouls chuckled at that. Abbey nodded, “Was same way for me with Fintan. Felt like he was doing somersaults against bladder with all the nights he kept me up.” 

Draculaura came over from the cooler area with a couple of drinks in her hand for the couple. Romulus nodded his thanks as she handed him a beer, before she turned to Clawdeen and gave her a glittery pink cup full of Cherry ‘n Screams  Coffin Cola. 

“It’s like you read my mind,” Clawdeen joked as she took a sip, “I’ve been craving everything with cherries and vanilla lately.” 

“Well, it was on sale,” Draculaura said, smirking as she shot a quick look at Romulus, “...And Rom may or may not have told us through a text that this was your favorite flavor as of late.” 

That made Clawdeen shoot her husband a dirty look.  She narrowed her eyes at him as she said, “You gossiping to my friends about how I’m getting fat?” 

“Of course not,” Romulus said nonchalantly as he took a sip of his beer; by this point, he was used to her little mood-swings, “Just thought you’d enjoy a little treat, is all.” 

As he expected, Clawdeen’s mood immediately brightened, as if she hadn’t had any ill thoughts just mere seconds ago.  She gave him a smile and leaned over and kissed his cheek. 

“Thanks, babe,” she said sweetly, “You spoil me too much.” 

“If you say so...” Romulus said, raising his eyebrows as he shot Laura a look. She giggled at the exchange; she knew she had no right to judge. She was the exact same way towards Clawd during her own pregnancy. 

“So, Clawdeen, what do you want to do first?” Cleo asked, gesturing with her glass, “It is _your_ shower, after all. We can either all sit down and enjoy these lovely treats- which, by the way, were made with only the _best_ skill from my loving husband-” 

She shot a  smile over her shoulder at Deuce,  her eyes filled with smug satisfaction. Deuce blushed at the mention of himself, while their daughters stood in front of him and giggled.  It made some of their friends roll their eyes. 

“Or,” Cleo added, turning back to Clawdeen as she gestured to the table that held the presents, “We can start with the two of you unwrapping these gifts that all of us took the time to get you for your dear little ghoul who’s on the way.” 

Clawdeen blinked and glanced between the two tables. She gave Romulus a look. He just shrugged. 

“It’s whatever you want,” he said, “You’re the one carrying the baby, here.” 

Pursing her lips together, Clawdeen thought for a second. She didn’t have to think long, though, as she was suddenly interrupted from her thoughts at the sound of her stomach gurgling. It was loud enough that everyone standing around was able to hear it. 

Their gazes all dropped down to the werewolf’s midsection. Clawdeen blushed bright red and lowered her head slightly as she hunched her shoulders up, slightly embarrassed at what had happened. 

“Uh, could I maybe get a few snacks first?” she asked, “I’m a little bit hungry, and I’ve been craving those cupcakes.”

That made everyone chuckle at the scene. Draculaura grinned and turned towards the snack table. She took a paper plate that Venus had handed to her and  grabbed one of the cupcakes from where they were laid out on a spinning gold display stand.  As she brought it closer, Clawdeen saw- with a lick of her lips- that it was topped with raspberry and lemon gummies. 

“Of course you can,” Laura said as she held the cupcake out, “And as the new mother, it’s only fair _you_ get the first bite.” 

“I want cake too!” one of the kids shouted from the back. 

Everyone turned their heads. Sat at one of the picnic tables, Shelly had turned from where she’d been busy coloring in one of her coloring books with Neva; she glanced at Clawdeen and the adults with an eager expression, her mismatched eyes  wide with anticipation. 

“I want cake!” she repeated, “What’s the point in all these snacks if we can’t eat them? The flies will get to them!” 

Clawdeen giggled, as did everyone else as they burst out laughing at the green child’s logic.  She shrugged. 

“Can’t argue with that logic,” she said, “I guess it’s decided then: Let’s eat first!” 

* * *

From there, the party  took off without a hitch. Everyone got their share of the  snacks that Deuce and  Draculaura had helped make, which were all very delicious and more than once did the guests help themselves to seconds. 

Once everyone got their fill and refreshed themselves with drinks, they all gathered around in a circle as Romulus and Clawdeen began opening the presents that everyone had got for them. 

There were so many, Clawdeen almost felt overwhelmed by it all. Part of her wondered if they even had room for everything. 

_Well, that’s what I get for still being friends with the people I went to school with and staying in close proximity with all of them,_ she thought jokingly as she pulled apart the ribbon on the present that was currently sitting in her lap. It was light blue and decorated with daisies, with the ribbon itself being white. 

Setting the ribbon aside, Clawdeen removed  the top of the box and peered down to see a few dozen folded onesies and baby clothes inside. 

“Oooh,” she said in approval as she set the top aside and pulled out one of the onesies to hold it in front of her to get a better look, “Oh, it’s so cute! I can already picture her walking around in this!” 

The onesie was a light yellow color and printed with little white paw prints and  puppies on it, and came with a pair of pants that had the colors reversed on it, along with a pair of slippers in the shape of dog faces that had their tongues out. It was soft to the touch, as well. 

“Oh, these are all so cute!” Clawdeen exclaimed as she looked back into the box and rifled through the clothes, observing all the patterns and soft colors that they came in. 

“Glad you like them,” Venus said with a smile from where she sat on the edge of one the tables, one knee drawn up to her chest, “The store said they’re specifically made for were-monsters with fur, so they’re non-static, machine washable, and the material can stretch if needed for winter coats.” 

Clawdeen grinned at hearing that, “Oh, yeah, that’ll be a lifesaver.” 

She set the clothes aside, before she reached for another present and began to unwrap it. 

Her and Romulus got a variety of gifts, from clothes to toys to baby food. Frankie and Jackson  got them a white noise machine in the shape of a wolf, as well as a crib soother from Holt that looked like a tiny fake aquarium with plastic fish floating up and down in the water; Clawdeen remembered how the sextuplets had had one just like it when they were pups. They also received some blankets and burp cloths from Clawd and Draculaura, bath toys from Gil and Lagoona, a set of both winter and summer clothes from Heath and Abbey, and a wide variety of stuffed animals from Cleo and Deuce. 

“Oof, this one’s heavy,” Howleen grunted as she tried picking up a large box that said it was from Bram and Gory, “What the hell did you two put in this one, a dead body?” 

“You wish,” Gory smirked from where she sat, her legs crossed over the other, “Apologies if it’s a bit cumbersome to get up and down the stairs, but when we saw it at the market, I knew it could only be the best gift befitting for a new mother like Clawdeen.” 

Clawdeen raised one brow of confusion as she looked up and down at the size of the box. She looked at Gory, “What’s in it? Furniture?” 

“Open it, see for yourself,” Gory encouraged, an uncharacteristically eager smile on her face. 

Romulus got up from his seat to help Howleen  bring the gift over. Clawdeen saw him make a face at the package’s weight as he set it down in front of her. She leaned forward and helped him tear off the holographic wrapping paper, before he grabbed the tape that sealed the sides of the top of the box closed and tore it off. 

The box was to the height of her stomach, so Clawdeen had to stand up for a second to look in. Her brows furrowed in confusion at what she saw. Leaning in and grabbing the top of the object, she pulled it out, her eyes bugging at what she held in her hand. 

It was some kind of  wooden device, one that looked like an oversized wind-chime. There was a saucer-like object attached to the  handle that Clawdeen held. Hanging off of that, attached by lines of red-colored beards, were carved wooden figures in the shape of various animals, such as bats and wolves and bears. They were decorated with what looked to be colored glass in their eyes; they could’ve been beautiful, had it not been for the rather grotesque, growling expressions that had been carved for the animals’ faces. It looked more like a decoration you put up on a haunted house for Halloween than for anything for a baby. 

“Um, it’s, uh, beautiful,” Clawdeen said, staring at the object with a bit of a grimace, “Uh, thank you.” 

“What the hell is it?” Romulus asked, not even bothering with formalities. 

“It’s an antique mobile,” Gory said proudly, “From the sixteenth century. According to the collector, it came from a wealthy werewolf family living in Sweden. The wood is common juniper, which was considered a good luck charm by many monsters who lived in the forests, and the beads are genuine garnet. It was often said to be the crux of society, to be able to afford such a luxury for a child.” 

She smiled smugly and crossed her arms, “And now you get to have it for your daughter. She gets to have a genuine piece of lycan history in her own room.” 

“How...much did this cost?” Romulus asked, staring at the mobile with a dumbfounded expression. 

“It was actually a rather decent price,” Bram said, “Only about three or four thousand dollars. Oh, and it plays a rare lullaby that’s only been documented about three times.”

Clawdeen didn’t respond to either of them. She just stared at the large mobile with shock; it hardly looked like  something that belonged in a baby’s room, much less something that you hung over their beds to try and help them sleep. 

She had a sudden dreadful vision appear in her mind of such a thing hanging over Furla’s crib and suddenly dropping out of nowhere onto the young pup.  The mobile felt like it weighed at least fifteen pounds. The image made her wince. 

Rocks leaned over from where he was standing at the other side of the table and whispered into her ear, “I mean, they also sell Winnie the Boo and Scare Bears ones at Wailmart for, like fifteen dollars, and they  _don’t_ look like they’re going to bring a curse upon your household.” 

Clawdeen sputtered and tried to hold in her laughter. She turned to look at him over her shoulder. “Oh, stop it.”

“I mean it,” he muttered, “If you ever need a shaman or something to cleanse that thing before the demon inside can get out of it, I’ll be ready with the incense and the prayer book.” 

Clawdeen slapped his arm playfully at his comment, shaking her head as she turned back to the vampires. 

“It’s, um, wonderful, Gory,” she stammered, trying to sound appreciative, “I’m, uh, flattered that you thought of me when you, um, saw it.” 

“Oh, I know, it’s a little bit much,” Gory said, “I thought with how much Romulus loves his history, you’d two appreciate its story, at the least. And hey, if it doesn’t fit with the theme of the baby’s room, you can always have it as your own decoration.” 

“A bit ‘much’ is putting it lightly,” Clawdeen heard Howleen mutter beside her. She stifled a smile. 

Putting the mobile aside- Romulus gave her a silent look as she passed it to him;  _The hell are we going to do with this?_ His gaze asked. Clawdeen gave him another look,  _We’ll hang it up in the hallway or something_ \- she went back to opening the rest of her gifts. 

They were all wonderful. It made her a little emotional, actually, to see just how far her friends went out of their way to make sure that Furla had a warm welcoming once she came to the world. 

After all the gifts were unwrapped, Frankie had them all settle around in a circle, where they played various  games, like her reading off a list of old wives’ tales and everyone taking a turn at guessing which were true and which were made up, or where she handed all the guests safety pins and everyone had to try and go at least an hour without saying the word “baby”. Those who did had theirs taken away  by whoever called them out, and the person who had the most safety pins by the end of the party was to receive a special prize. 

“So, Deen,” Lagoona said at one point, “How have you been feeling with the youngin’ lately? Anything out of the ordinary?” 

The party had reached a bit of a calm, as the initial excitement wore down. Now, the guests had migrated to various parts of the pavilion as they talked and others continued to get some of the snacks that were still available. Right now, Clawdeen and the ghouls sat at one of the tables, talking as they sipped on soda and juice. Romulus and the guys  were all standing at one of the corners, talking in a circle, while the kids ran about playing games. 

Clawdeen looked over at the sea monster and shook her head. She smiled and looked down at her stomach, placing one hand over the area near her belly button. 

“Not really,” she said, “Only that she keeps me up half the night having to pee or having to try and find a position that’s more comfortable in bed. It doesn’t help that it seems like the pain radiates out all the way to my thighs.” 

“ _That was me with Deadric,”_ Ghoulia moaned, “ _Have you been having that feeling where it seems you’re so tired you’re about to collapse, but when you lay down, it’s like your brain’s all high-wired and can’t let you relax?”_

“Yes!” Clawdeen said, shooting her a grateful look of understanding, “What’s with that? Like, do they want you to sleep or not? How am I supposed to be well rested and be in good health for delivering this baby when it seems like I can’t get more than five minutes of shut-eye a night?!”

“One thing men will never be able to understand,” Cleo said in thought, shooting a dirty look over at Deuce and the guys, “They complain because of our cravings and our tossing and turning, but they have no idea what it’s like to carry a literal monster in your stomach and have their weight sit on your back all day.”

“You speak truth,” Abbey said simply, taking a sip from her lemonade.

Draculaura nodded in agreement and turned to Frankie. She chuckled, “Makes you happy that you and Jackson chose the ol’ Frankenstein route, huh?”

Frankie frowned, “Hey, creating a construct isn’t easy, either. It’s not just a simple chance of lightning strikes like those normie movies try to make it out to be. It took months for me and Jackson to be able to find body parts that would fit together and not reject each other, to sew Shelly together, to make sure that her flesh didn’t rot in the time before we could finally deliver the electric charge to her brain. Creating a child is hard work, either way.”

“Yeah, but you at least got to decide how old you wanted your kid to be,” Clawdeen pointed out, “Unless we adopt, we don’t get to make that decision, so everything’s got to be from scratch- uh, Ooh!”

The ghouls paused and lifted their heads in concern as she suddenly made an o-shape with her mouth and held both hands to her stomach. Draculaura put her cup down and raised her hands to rest them on the werewolf’s arms in concern.

“Are you okay?” she asked with worry.

Clawdeen, though, quickly straightened up and waved her off. She rubbed her stomach like there was a spot that was tender.

“I’m fine,” she said, “She’s just moving around like crazy. Got me right in the spleen.”

She raised a brow at the swell of her shirt and smiled. “Guess she doesn’t appreciate us talking all this smack about her.”

“Oh boy, she’s already sassing you,” Lagoona joked, “Ya really gotta be careful with this one then, mate. She’ll be smart-mouthing you in no time.”

“The baby’s kicking?” a child asked.

Clawdeen turned to the left. Pawstin stood by her elbow, looking up at her with curiosity. He was holding a dinosaur-shaped bubble gun in his hand, while his other hung at his side gripping one of his action figures. His eyes were slightly wide with curiosity, while his brows rose up to his hairline.

It made Clawdeen smile and she nodded. She moved her hands to either side of her stomach. “Yes, she is,” she answered, “I think she’s a bit jealous she doesn’t get to be here and enjoy the party like everyone else.

“Do you want to feel?” she asked.

Pawstin gasped. He looked down at her stomach like he had just found an ancient treasure.

“Can I?” he asked, looking back up at her.

“Of course you can, silly!” Clawdeen said, “Here, give me your hand.”

Shifting his action figure to hold under his arm, Pawstin held out one pudgy fur-covered hand. Clawdeen took it and gently glided it along her stomach, directing it near one area right as Furla gave a bold kick to her side.

“Do you feel that?” Clawdeen asked gently, looking into his eyes, “Can you feel her moving?”

It seemed to take a minute for Pawstin to feel it. He frowned at the lack of sensation, but didn’t move his hand. Suddenly, right where she’d placed it, Clawdeen felt another kick at her side.

Pawstin’s eyes lit up like a Cryptmas tree. She delighted in the way his mouth dropped open in shock, before he looked back up at her. Quickly, his mouth quirked up in a smile.

“She kicked me!” he exclaimed, “She touched me!”

“Yeah, she did,” Clawdeen said proudly, “She’s saying hi.”

“She said hi!” Pawstin repeated. He looked at Draculaura, “Mama, she said hi to me!”

Draculaura giggled at his reaction, “Oh, she did? You should say hi to her back.”

Pawstin turned and looked over where Clawd was standing. “Daddy!” he called out, “Daddy, Daddy, the baby talked to me!”

Clawd looked away from Heath and turned to where his son was calling out to him. At the sight of the young pup cupping Clawdeen’s stomach, Clawdeen saw his face fill with warmth and a loving smile came on his face.

Turning back to her, Clawdeen smiled as Pawstin tilted his head down and pressed his lips to her stomach. She reached up and gently patted his head, running her claws through his dreads.

“Good boy, Pawstin,” Laura said, “You love your cousin, don’t you?”

“Mmmhhmm,” Pawstin answered, giving Clawdeen’s stomach another kiss.

The act caught the attention of the other kids, who slowly came up to Clawdeen with equally curious expressions.

“I want to feel the baby, too,” Neva said.

“Me too!” Cleo and Deuce’s daughter, Ophidia, said, “I used to feel Mom’s stomach when she was pregnant!”

“I never got to feel a baby before,” her younger sister, Kobra, said, “I wanna feel!”

The rest of the other kids chimed in as well. Clawdeen chuckled at their enthusiasm.

“Okay, okay, relax, you all get a turn if Miss Deenie allows it!” Frankie said, standing up in an attempt to placate the rowdy bunch, “But you all have to take turns, okay?”

“Okay!” the kids exclaimed.

Clawdeen chuckled, “Don’t worry, she’s enjoying the attention plenty.”

The kids crowded around her and took turns feeling her belly. It was like they were seeing an alien species, with the way they stared at her stomach with amazement, their eyes as big as plates and them cooing and squealing with excitement whenever they felt Furla kick or move around. Around Clawdeen, the rest of the guests watched with tenderness, finding the scene utterly cute.

They were all so excited to be able to feel the baby, Clawdeen thought with a smile, just like she remembered being when her mom was pregnant with her younger siblings. Just like now, she’d ask Clawdeen if she wanted to feel them whenever they started kicking, and would guide her hand to the specific spot. Clawdeen remembered when she was a kid, she thought it was the most magical feeling in the world.

Maybe one day, Furla would be in the same position, with Clawdeen if she wanted to say hi to her little sibling and having her feel them. If she were lucky enough.

Her heart leaped. She knew she was getting way ahead of herself, but she couldn’t help but imagine what the future might be like, once her daughter was born and she was there watching her grow up.

A thousand different potential scenarios raced through Clawdeen’s head. Holding Furla in her arms for the first time, rocking her to sleep. Hearing her say her first word, helping her take her first steps, waving at her as she started her first day of school…

These things Clawdeen once thought would be impossible for her. But then again, she also thought it was impossible she’d ever reach her third trimester. She never even thought she’d get to the point she would even have a name.

But now, here she was. Maybe things weren’t so out of her reach as she thought they were…

The thought made her excited, and she smiled as she continued to imagine what the future held in store for her.

Draculaura caught her faraway expression and grinned, leaning into get a better look at her.

“And what are you thinking about?” she asked, “Don’t think I don’t see that little twinkle in your eye.”

Clawdeen just turned her smile to her and shrugged.

“Oh, nothing,” she said, “Just thinking about how happy I am to be here.”

“You deserve it, Deenie,” Laura said, patting her hand.

Clawdeen smirked.

Yeah, she guess she did.

No, she _knew_ she did.

* * *

“Well, guess we won’t have to budget for clothes like I thought we would,” Romulus commented later that evening as they stepped through the front door.

The party had long since ended and everyone had gone home. Clawd and Laura had stayed to help them load all the goodies they had received at the shower in their car, before they all parted ways. Clawdeen had split the rest of the snacks with the kids; her cravings were demanding she take everything, but she managed to resist the temptation enough to remind herself that she was trying to keep her weight gain under control.

“Hmph, that’s what _you_ think,” Clawdeen chuckled as she closed the door behind him, before she sat down to remove her shoes, “I’m gonna go for those sleepers I have on layaway at The Cryptid’s Place. We can never have too much, especially with how fast babies grow.”

Setting down the box that contained some diapers and the mobile, Romulus turned and gave her a look, one eyebrow raised in doubt.

“Is that your excuse for it?” he asked coyly, “You using our baby as a shield so you can shop until you drop?”

“Are you really complaining now, after knowing me all these years?” Clawdeen asked in response.

Romulus shook his head, “Not at all. I’m just saying that you can’t complain the next time I have to work overtime to pay off all the credit-card debt this is bound to bring.”

Clawdeen just stuck her tongue out at him. She grabbed some of the gift bags and helped him carry them into the living room. As they set them down, she stood up and placed her hands on her stomach.

“Oooh,” she groaned, a slightly pained expression coming onto her face.

Romulus looked up from where he was setting down a box of toys and stood up to trek over to her. He put his hand on her stomach and asked, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Clawdeen said, making a face, “These little aches and pains just occur near my back, and whenever she adjusts herself, it makes it feel like someone’s kicked me right there.”

She rubbed her stomach where his hand was. “She’s definitely going to be into sports when she’s older,” she joked.

“That’s good to hear,” Romulus chuckled, “I’ll definitely enjoy being the soccer-dad cheering her on every game, to her embarrassment.”

He turned so he was standing in front of her and placed both hands on either side of her abdomen. Clawdeen smiled and watched as he bent down to rest the side of his head against the curve of her stomach. He closed his eyes as he listened to Furla move around, while Clawdeen stroked his hair.

“Only six more weeks,” Romulus murmured, “I can’t believe we’re almost there.”

“I know,” Clawdeen said gently, “Seems like yesterday I had just gotten those test results. And now, it’s just a matter of waiting for her to come.”

She smiled at the thought, “Some days, part of me still wonders if I’m getting my hopes up. Is that crazy?”

She heard Romulus make an amused noise, before he pulled himself away from her stomach and looked up at her. His gaze was full of absolute love.

“Nothing bad with looking on the bright side,” he said, dropping his gaze back to her stomach and rubbing his hands over it, “Especially if it means thinking about how we get to see this little one soon.”

Clawdeen giggled at his ministrations and slid her hands over his. Romulus stood back up, both their hands cupping her round belly as they looked into each other’s eyes. Clawdeen closed her eyes as he leaned down and kissed her gently; she gave a small coo at the spark between them.

Taking his hands away, Romulus reached up and cupped her cheeks, before he tilted her head up so he could kiss her forehead. Clawdeen smiled at the warm feeling of his lips on her skin.

Times like this, she felt completely at peace within herself. Here she was, with the love of her unlife, after spending a day celebrating with her friends and family about the upcoming arrival of her child.

For once, everything was right.

She wouldn’t have had it any other way.


End file.
